Moving too fast. Doing too much. Wanting too much. Risking too much. Too much.
Guilty as charged!
Maybe you can relate to this. Since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to do a lot, see a lot, laugh a lot, be too loud, and live an exciting life. As you might guess, that got me in a little bit of trouble from time-to-time when I was young. As an adult, it’s gotten me into lots of trouble! I can’t tell you how many times people have told me, in one way or another, that I am too much. Sometimes they mean it admirably, sometimes, not so much.
I tend to move fast, make changes frequently, and take a lot of risks.
What do I mean? I’ve had two businesses that I sold, and third that I’m in the process of growing. I’ve left dream jobs to follow a different dream. I’ve moved. Holy smokes have I moved. I moved my family (3 teenagers, one in elementary school) from their home in NC to PA. Since then I’ve moved in PA nine times, once I make my next move in a few weeks. I’ve left two marriages and one significant relationship. I put all my belongings in storage and went to San Diego for eight months to recover from a break-up and decide who I wanted to be when I grew up. I was 53. Am I a flake?
A friend once described me as someone who jumps out of an airplane without knowing if I have a parachute, believing I’ve either got one or somehow I’ll find one on my way down. I’ve had friends imply that I leave relationships too quickly. Reminding me that all relationships have their rough patches and I leave before my partner and I can get past that. I know I’ve given my mother, my friends, and maybe my adult children, a few sleepless nights with this adventurous life I’ve led.
What would I change?
Nothing. Not one damn thing. Was some of it painful? Sure. Was some of it scary? Hell yes.
But here’s the interesting thing I recently realized.
Even with the wisdom of hindsight, there’s not one relationship I wish I had stayed in longer.
There’s not one job I wish I hadn’t left.
There’s not one risk I wish I hadn’t taken.
I love how fast I move
I love that I take risks. I love that I leave when I know in my gut that the job or the business or the relationship isn’t working. I don’t waste time on things that don’t work.
I know it’s not the life that everyone wants, that’s okay too. But it’s the life I want.
A very good friend said recently, “you won’t stop until there’s a tombstone over you.” He was right. The older I get, the more I challenge my pre-conceived ideas of what’s possible after 50. After 60. After 70…I don’t want to stop. Slow down. Quit risking. Quit loving. Quit growing.
Can you relate?
What do you like, or how do you live in ways that are outside of the ordinary? Ways that might invite criticism or disbelief from others? I’d love to hear how you might be considered "too much."
I hope you’ll continue with me in the journey of being too much! I don’t plan on stopping and I hope you won’t either!