Fear

A miracle at the Beach

The picture doesn’t do it justice.

There were a million people on the beach!

Okay, not a million,, but it was a Saturday, tourist season and hot. I’ve never seen so many people at my favorite beach, La Jolla Shores.

Picture this, I had to park unusually far away. I had a cooler with ice, drinks and food, my beach chair and beach bag. I haul it all down the hill and walk about 3/4 mile to the beach.

It’s almost high tide so the million of us there were pushed back towards the boardwalk. We’re practically sitting on top of each other.

This whole scene may sound terrible to you, but despite all of this, I was sooooo happy to be there!

The beach, under any condition, is my favorite place.

I settle in. Then a group of people down the beach a bit leave, so I move down to take their spot and have a little more room between me and my fellow beach enthusiasts.

I get the clever idea that right before it’s dark, knowing that many of these folks will leave, I’ll leave my chair, cooler and bag on the beach, trek up the hill to my car and bring it down to the beach parking lot so I don’t have to haul all my stuff up the hill!

Aren’t I clever?

Until… it’s almost sunset and I go to get my car keys.

My car keys were gone.

I lost my keys on a beach crowded with people with the tide coming in!!

Immediately I realized the foolish thing I did when I moved to my second location, but it’s hours too late. The tide is higher than where I was originally sitting. Hundreds of people have come and gone.

Yes, I panicked a bit.

How the hell was I going to get in my car? My extra key was in the glove compartment, but how was I supposed to get it? Short of breaking out a window (Yes, I’m thinking about the scene when sexy Patrick Swayze broke his car window in Dirty Dancing, but quickly realize my situation is much less sexy!)

After a few tears and verifying that I did NOT renew my AAA Membership last year… I noticed the light was still on in the lifeguard tower. They had pulled in all their equipment earlier, but there was someone still cleaning up.

I asked this young life guard if anyone turned in a set of keys? He wasn’t sure and said he would go look.

BAM! He came back with my keys!! I burst into tears! I’m not sure I’ve ever been so grateful in my entire life!

Oh! Did I forget to mention the only other key on my keyring is the key to the padlock on my storage POD in PA with everything I own, that isn’t in my car, in it??!!

One moment all my possessions were locked up and the keys were gone. The next minute, I had the keys to everything!

It’s a great metaphor for life. We always have the keys to unlock whatever it is we need. Sometimes we forget we have them or we lose them, temporarily. But, they are always there. Waiting for us to claim them.

Then we can unlock everything that this generous world has for us!

Have you lost your metaphoric keys? I’d love to help you find them. I’m good at it!

The day I almost slapped someone for telling me to be grateful!

You’ve heard it.

“Find something you’re grateful for.”

“Write down three things a day you're grateful for.”

Gratitude has become the end-all, cure-all practically.

When you’re drowning in fear, overwhelm and despair… it’s a little hard to find.

I remember last fall, I was having a very bad day that was part of a very difficult couple of months.

As a coach, and living my life pretty publicly on social media, I am committed to authenticity.

Which gets tough when you’re in an extended crisis.

I want to be real and… who wants to listen to a life coach who’s depressed!?

On this particular day, I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t see any end to my challenges. And this delightful person, whom I love, said the dreaded words… “Find something to be grateful for!”

I wanted to slap her!! (We were on the phone, which saved both of us from knowing if I would have!)

She insisted. That’s the way she is.

After several minutes… I succumbed. I really just wanted to get her off the phone and go back to my despair.

And then, I felt it.

A tiny shift.

Damn it! This gratitude thing works! I had forgotten.

I thought of two or three really simple things. I think the first thing I thought of was, “I’m breathing.” Which lead me to seeing something in the room I was in that I thought was pretty. Which led me to thinking of the person I was staying with and how grateful I was to be staying with her.

And there you have it. It didn’t solve all my problems. I still had a bunch of shit hitting the fan. There still wasn’t any end in sight as far as that shit went, but…

I felt a release.

I felt a little lighter.

My mind calmed down.

And from there I decided what to do next.

I don’t really remember what I did. I might have decided to take a nap, or a shower, or watch inspirational videos on YouTube, but I did something different than drown in my fear.

Damn it. Maybe gratitude is the end-all, cure-all!

Gratitude is one of the many tools we’ll be unpacking and mastering during my four-week coaching program, From Darkness to Light. Instead of wishing hard-times would magically leave, we’re taking them head-on! We’ll stare fear in the fucking face and win.

The mantra for the program is, “There’s no power outside of you greater than the power inside of you!” For those of you in the program, you’ll leave knowing that is true!!

There are only a few spots left, so get the deets and register here.

If you know a friend who needs the tools and support that From Darkness to Light will deliver, please share this email with them so they can join us. There’s no need to navigate the darkness alone. <3

What is your experience with gratitude? If you don’t have one. Try it. Tell me what happens!


How's your anxiety?

Anxiety hits all of us at some point.  

Sometimes it’s hot, heavy and never-ending. 

Sometimes it rushes in, out of nowhere, and grabs us by the throat.

It drives us into fear. Imagining terrible outcomes.

It’s always reminding us of something awful in the past or warning us about something awful in the future.

It masquerades as “helpful.”

As if it’s going to make you extra smart or extra resourceful in order to prevent or circumvent a terrible outcome it is imagining or remembering.

Think about it though.

Is it really helpful?

Does it really help you find your most creative, best possible outcome? Does it bring you to the best version of yourself?  

No.


Our best ideas, our best problem-solving skills come out of a place of peace and love. That’s why we ask friends and family for help when we’re struggling. We know they will think of something we won’t. Because they aren’t in anxiety about the situation.

Would you like to turn down the volume on your anxiety and turn up the volume on peace and love?

Then join me for From Darkness to Light. It’s a four-week, small group, coaching program. I’m only allowing 10 people in the group. It’s for men and women. We’re going to face anxiety head-on with tools and life-hacks that will turn down that volume. You’ll move you towards the peace and love that moves you into better decisions, less stress and into a better version of yourself.

I’ve priced it at a super reasonable $99. Get all the deets here and register. It won’t be a mistake, I promise. Your anxiety might not like it, but isn’t that the point??? <3 <3

Did you dread the start of a new week?

I hope not, but statistically speaking it happens to a lot of folks. 

It can start creeping in on Sunday. The dread of going back to work on Monday. 

The dread of a life that you aren't enjoying, slapping you in the face. 

Anxiety and despair, feeling like there's no way out. No escape. 

It's called a Dark Night of the Soul for a reason. 

Our typical ways of coping aren't working very well. 

We can't find a solution. 

The advice we get from family and friends can range from feeling impossible to downright irritating! 

So, what do we do?  

If you're like me, you don't just give up. 

It's life for fuck-sake! We can't just bail. 

But what do we do? 

How do we consciously navigate a dark night of the soul? 

Where's the life-raft? 

I’m creating a life-raft.

It’s the life-raft I needed. 

So, you can stop drowning in the downward spiral of anxiety and catastrophe driven thoughts.

I’ve been collecting tools and strategies for years.

I’m calling it, “From Darkness to Light.”

It’s a four-week group coaching program, for men and women.. I’m pricing it super-easy, because I know that sometimes, a dark night of the soul hits your bank account and I want you to have the tools and experience the support you’ll get when you join the program.

I want you to go. From Darkness to Light.

Hit reply to this email and let me know if you have any questions or are wondering if it's for you.  No one but me will see the email.

I'm only allowing for 10 people to register, so grab your seat today, right here

Grab onto the life-raft. 

From a Dark Night to a Balcony on the Beach?

Today I'm sitting on the balcony of a lovely hotel room overlooking the ocean, in my favorite place, La Jolla, CA. 

I've been very open this week about my own dark night of the soul, several of them actually. 

So, how did I get from a dark night of the soul to this balcony? 

Work. 

Yep. That's not sexy or even terribly intriguing. But, it's true. 

I worked every day to make my internal environment more important than my external circumstances. 

What does that look like? 

It looks like this: I launch a program and get nothing but crickets, I "need" the money to pay bills, nothing else good is happening professionally or financially, and I spend as much time as I need to shift my mindset and how I feel to abundance, instead of the scarcity and fear my circumstances could easily trigger. 

How did I do it? I use a lot of tools. One day one works, the next day it doesn't help at all and I need something else out of my bag of tricks! But between all the tools and the several online communities I get support from...I've gotten through each day. 

Is my struggle over? The gorgeous scene from my balcony is a bit deceiving. This moment, this weekend while I'm here I am totally enjoying all the abundance of it. That's one of my tools. Even when parts of my life are in crisis, I can find another part that isn't, and enjoy the hell out of that! I don't have to let the crisis define me. 

I'll bask in the abundance and glory of this balcony and weekend in my favorite place and know that the only thing that exists, is this present moment. 

And then, there will be a moment when I know what my next step is. For me these days, it's usually one step. I don't know the next 5 steps, just the next one. As Brene Brown says, "courage is the ability to be comfortable with discomfort." She didn't say, "courage is the ability to make discomfort go away. 

That's why I created both, From Darkness into Light and Cocktails and Coaching. Because Cocktails and Coaching is just plain old, good fun. And we all need that. Especially when we need tools to take us From Darkness to Light. They can both exist at the same time. 

Join me for Cocktails and Coaching on Wednesday's at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern in my private Facebook Group. You can join the group here. You can ask a question or tell me about a situation you want help with, here, and I'll address it live. 

If you're in crisis. If you're in anxiety, fear, confusion, self-doubt and spinning in negative self-talk, you need From Darkness to Light. I'm only allowing 10 people in the group to keep things intimate. Get all the details and register here. We start May 21 at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern, but I'll close registration as soon as it's full. 

If you have any questions, hit reply and let me know. Your email will be private and I'm the only one who will see it. 

When Life Throws Sh*t at you... I'll show you a way out!

I love inspiring stories!

Especially the rags to riches kind.

When my life is in turmoil, when I'm struggling to get up and keep going, I wonder, how did they get through those bad days?

When great people tell their story and include the adversity they've overcome, we're inspired. But they rarely talk about how they got up every day and went to work or took care of the kids, when they were drowning in despair and hopelessness.

I've had a lot of ups and downs in my life. Times when I wasn't sure how to go on. But, I had to keep going. Life keeps moving. So I did too.

Over the course of my life, I've gotten better at how I navigate those times when I'm not sure I can keep going. I do it with less fear. Less anxiety. I've even learned how to cultivate peace and self-love, BECAUSE things were so hard, not despite the difficulty.

Since becoming a life coach I've had several conversations with other coaches about these, dark nights of the soul, and how few coaches, books or programs really address how to navigate a really terrible time. Everyone agreed with me. "Yeah, no one really talks much about it."

I decided to create it. The program that will show you how.

From Darkness to Light is a four-week group coaching program. We'll meet for an hour a week via free video conferencing.

I'm going to teach and coach. The group will support and encourage each other.

Everyone will get down-to-earth tools to get through the day, when the day is shitty.

If you, or someone you know, is experiencing a difficult time, please join us.

I'm only charging $99 because I know that difficult times often hit your finances.

Get all the details below and register for our May group. All sessions are recorded.

You can move From Darkness to Light. I've done it, I'll be your guide.

The $350 Blog

I'm not exaggerating. 

This blog is worth money! 

I've been so driven to making sustainable change in my life. You know what I mean. 

Not the sort of thing that lasts a few days or a week. 

Not the things I muscle my way through temporarily, only to go back to the old way of doing things. 

The things that transform my life. 

Change that lasts. 

As I've figured out how to do it and have coached my clients so they know how to do it, I thought, "this is big." 

Everyone wants to know how to make lasting change. 

We all get frustrated with going back to the same-old thing that didn't work before and isn't working now. 

So, I did two things. 

I created a free e-book with a worksheet called, The Five Secrets to Making Lasting Change.

And you're going to be the first to get it!! More on that in a minute. 

I also created a guided audio program, with private coaching included, called, One Big Change. 

I offered this program for the first time in January and people loved it! 

So I decided to offer it on a continuous basis. After you register, you get an email with a link to book your first private session and the audios will begin the Monday after you register. Easy peasy. 

You have something you want to change. Something that just isn't working in your life. We all have it. 

Give yourself the free gift of the e-book and worksheet, The Five Secrets to Making Lasting Change and then register for One Big Change

Let's get the ball rolling! 


The Best Things In Life

It's been an exciting couple of weeks! 

I've added another entrepreneur as a client. Like my other creative entrepreneur clients, she's a powerhouse of talent... and she knows she needs someone to keep her business organized and create a clear path for how to offer her services to her clients in ways that are effective and make her more profitable. 

Yes! Profit! I'm not ashamed to talk about profit and I unashamedly help all my clients make more money! Not just increase sales, but be more profitable. There's a difference. My clients become more profitable. 

Do you know what one of the biggest factors is to profitability? No matter what your business or career is? (Yep. This is for everyone, whether you work for someone else or own their own business) It's...

Mindset! 

Every business client I have will get coaching from me. We can employ master strategies, amazing sales funnels and have an enviable social media presence, and if our mindset is in scarcity, lack, wanting, telling us we aren't good enough, or don't have enough time, we're screwed. 

I've seen mindset ruin the best strategies, the best marketing, the best social media influence. 

You can't escape your mindset, so it's best to accept that and take the action necessary to neutralize the critical and diminishing thoughts we have and replace them with empowering and liberating thoughts. 

Easier said than done, right?

The best things in life usually are. But have no fear. I am here. 

This is what I do all day, every day. With my business clients, my life coach clients and myself. 

We learn how to become aware of the thoughts that cause resistance, stress and self-deprecation. Then we slay them. If they rear their ugly heads, we slay them again, until they are gone. 

We celebrate the freedom we are liberated to with each victory, large or small! 

In short, we Think Our Way to Success

I created a cool video program, Think Your Way to Success, so that you, and everyone who wants to liberate themselves from their stressful, deprecating thoughts, has a system for doing it. You can "do it yourself" with the program or you can get the program and then book a one-on-one private coaching session with me so we can work on your thoughts. I love a good DIY solution, but let's face it, we all need a little help. You'll go so much deeper with the Think Your Way to Success process if you have a private session and have me coach you through the steps. 

Just say No...

To your stressful, self-deprecating thoughts and Think Your Way to Success! Check it out and get it delivered to your inbox in minutes by clicking here

To add coaching go to my scheduler and book your first session, by clicking here. I'll send you an invoice. Right now, when you buy Think Your Way to Success you can get one session for $150. 

Let's do it! 

OK. Enough with the cliches. This program works. Treat yourself. You've earned your liberation! 

What do you wish for?

Let's not just make wishes for 2019.

Let's decide to make changes so that those wishes become reality.

The only thing standing between you and the wish you have, is a little bit of change.

Change can be scary, but I'm telling you, to decide not to change, is even scarier.

Here's what I promise you, you don't need to do it alone.

On January 7th, my new program, One Big Change is making its debut. Every week I'll send an audio recording, emails and challenges, PLUS, two, private coaching sessions, so that you can make the change you need to make so that your wish can come true! Register and get the info here.

Let's make your wishes come true in 2019!

I can’t…

What do you tell yourself you can’t do?

You can’t:

  • Lose weight

  • Get into shape

  • Surf (that was mine, more about that later)

  • Handle money responsibly

  • Get a better job

  • Start a business

  • Ask for a raise

  • Tell your spouse to stop doing what you don’t like

  • Ask for what you want in bed

  • Set a boundary with a friend

  • Stop taking care of others, even when you’re drained because they need you

  • Afford to take a vacation

I don’t care what it is. We tell ourselves all the time, that we can’t.

I’m sick of it!

I hate to rant… sort of, but this one kills me.

Either we can do it, or we don’t want to.

Because if we really want to, we’ll find a way. Otherwise, let’s be honest and say, “I don’t want to.”

It’s okay not to want to. You can, not-want-to put in the effort to get a better job, ask for a raise or start a business. Or, maybe you don’t really want to lose weight, get into shape or surf. While we live in a culture that values money, prestige, being thin and physically fit, you can buck the system and say, nope. That isn’t me. I don’t want to.

Cool. I can get behind that!

Here’s what I can’t get behind.

You have a thought that tells you, you aren’t good enough to do one of those things you want to do. Or a thought that tells you that you’re too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too out of shape, that your husband won’t listen, or your friend won’t respect your boundary, or you haven’t made enough money to go on vacation!

Those are the thoughts I cannot abide.

Those thoughts are not true.

I’ve told myself for the last couple of years that I can’t learn to surf. I’m too old, too out of shape, it’s too late for me. Then I met Alex. She’s a genius when it comes to the body and what’s possible. I told her I really wanted to surf, but couldn’t, because I was too old and out of shape and she said, “that’s not true! I can help you get into shape to surf. I’ll show you what to do and you do it. In six weeks, you’ll have confidence in your ability to surf.” *Note, that doesn’t mean I’ll be ready to surf, but I’ll know I can get there. Alex is honest as well as motivating!

I’m not saying I can’t surf anymore.  I am saying that I can get into shape so that I can.

As far as losing weight goes, that’s clear, I don’t want to.

It’s incredibly liberating to be honest with ourselves.

What do you need to be honest with yourself about?

If you really don’t want to do it, even if it’s not popular, just be honest and say, you don’t want to. You’ll feel how freaking liberating that is!

If you want to do something and you don’t know how to get there, like me with surfing, then stop saying you can’t, and find someone who can help you! That’s why we need fitness trainers, coaches and all other types of teachers and mentors. They help us get where we want to be when can’t seem to get ourselves there.

Just do it, as Nike says. Hire the coach, hire the fitness trainer, book the vacation, lose the weight, whatever it is that you want…you CAN do it!

I’d love to chat with you about whether or not I can help you in the coaching department. It’s super easy, schedule a 10-minute call with this link, and we’ll figure it out. Easy, peasy.

xoxo,
Brenda

You are bigger than your fear.

Breathe that in. You are bigger than your fear.

When you’re living with fear, it doesn’t feel that way. I know.

Here’s the deal. If you couldn’t pull off the ‘thing’ that scares you, you wouldn’t even have the thought to do it!

Hear that truth.

We imagine things and want the things we want, we have the ambitions we have, the dreams and yearnings we have, BECAUSE we have the ability to achieve them. Thomas Edison had an idea for a light bulb. No one believed he could do it. He failed 10,000 times! I imagine he felt a little fear during those 10,000 failures. And then… he got it.

Your dreams, ambitions and yearnings are a gift from the Divine. The world needs you to do what you’re afraid to do.

I don’t know about you, but I want it all!

I want to live, love and thrive in my entire life! It’s not enough to be a good mom, or great friend, or have a fun sex life, or a successful business…take out the “or” baby! I want it all! That’s why I love all the women gathering for my new program, Live Lavishly!

Live Lavishly will show you how to slay that fear. You’re bigger than your fear, and… you may need some help slaying it. No problem. There’s no shame in that! We aren’t designed to “go it alone” in life. That’s why I love being a life coach! Coaching people through what scares them and gets in the way of the life they desire, well, that’s what I yearn for!  

Won’t you join me and a powerful group of women who are choosing to get past their fears and Live Lavishly! Get all the deets and register here. Now. Yes. Choose you.