Relationships

Fear May Be Your Best Clue

Everything you want, that you don't have, will scare the shit out of you, if you take steps to bring it into your life. 

It doesn't seem fair, but it's true. 

The "safe" choices, won't scare you. Staying in the corporate job that sucks you dry, the marriage you are unhappy in, deciding not to trust anyone again, never getting back into the dating scene, not to starting your own business... need I go on? 

When we "don't rock the boat" we stay safe. 

You know what's scary? 

Following your deepest desires. I like to call them yearnings. 

Something you want soooo bad, you can taste it! 

And, that's scary as hell!  

You know, if you do it, if you follow it, things will happen that you can't predict. 

You'll be smack dab in the center of "the unknown." 

[Cue screaming]

What do you do? 

How do you deal with the fear and follow your deepest desires? 

Join me and my amazing co-host, Enolia Foti, for Cocktails and Coaching on Wednesday, August 28, at 5 pm Pacific and 8 pm Eastern. You'll hear how this New York City girl ended up being taught by the elders and grandmothers of indigenous cultures, and how she went from corporate America to healer. Her story is inspiring, and together, we'll unlock how fear can hold you back, or empower you!

Ask your question about fear, how the hell to actually follow your deepest desires, what it means to be a healer or anything else that's on your mind! Click here to submit your question.

We'll be live for Cocktails and Coaching in my private Facebook Group. If you aren't already a member, join Live Lavishly; The Art of Sustainable Transformation by clicking here.

Enolia and I can't wait to see you on Wednesday, August 28, at 5 pm Pacific and 8 pm Eastern. 

Massive Improvement in Record Time!

Seem too good to be true?

Usually anything that’s really massive takes a lot of time.

When it comes to improving your life…


Working with me as your coach, is a super-charged life-hack!!

Think about all the things that most of us have struggle with, probably, for years:

·      Childhood trauma.

·      Family drama and stress.

·      Fears about money.

·      Anxiety about job security.

·      Stress in relationships.

·      Coping with the rollercoaster of being an Entrepreneur.

Can you relate to any of these? If you’re like most of us, you can relate to more than one.

We get so used to them being in our lives, it feels normal. It can feel like who we are.

“I have anxiety issues.”

“My family is dysfunctional”

“I’m always worried I could lose my job or money. It happens all the time to people. I can’t afford to relax or take my eyes off the prize, even if it is exhausting me and making me sick.”

We begin to take on circumstances as if they are who we are.

That’s when we need a life-hack.

You are so much more than your circumstances. No matter how huge and impossible yours may seem.

Enter, best-life-hack-ever… a great life coach!

Why? No, it’s not because I am one.

Here’s why hiring a life coach will save you tons of money and tons of time while you create massive improvement in your life:

·      I am objective, I don’t have any preconceived ideas of you or your life.

·      I have no agenda for you. You can quit your job, leave your business, live off the grid, buy a mansion, take off a year to sail the world, risk everything to start a business, leave your marriage, get into a polyamorous relationship, never go home for the holidays again… respectfully, I don’t care about the “things,” or the circumstances.

·      I have no baggage with you. We’ve never had a disagreement or pissed each other off. I’m not blinded by my love for you, although I have love and compassion for you. I don’t know what you did as a teenager or at any point in your life before our first session. I don’t know your family and what their expectations, imperfections or biases are.

I only know you as you are, right now.

It’s a fresh start.

We’ll create who you want to become.

Will we dive into some of those past circumstances, family patterns and who you think you are. Those things are helpful to the process. Then we’ll fucking liberate you from the things that hold you back!

As your life-hack, life coach, we’ll focus on what you yearn for, the thoughts that stop you in your tracks and how to turn them around so that they become empowering. We’ll tackle the feelings that diminish and limit you and transform them into the feelings that your liberated new-self will feel, then we’ll take action. Action that is inspired, playful and in alignment with your highest good.

It’s fun. It’s fast (especially compared to years in therapy.) It’s life changing.

One of my recent clients described it this way, “I really do feel like a shiny new person Brenda. You have changed my life forever. Thank you!” Jennee

Let’s get your life-hack started. Book a 15-minute Discovery Call and we’ll explore how I can facilitate you getting the sustainable transformation you’re looking for. There’s no obligation or commitment. This is an exploratory call to see if I can help you and if so, how. I’ve got some openings in the next few days, so give yourself some relief. Let’s talk about what you need. Book your call now, right here.

The Power Button

You have a power button.

The power button, literally, turns you on.

When you hit the power button, you’re clear. You’re confident. You’re ready for whatever life throws at you!

Do you feel like you lost your power button? 

Or maybe you haven’t used it lately. 

Come on over. I’ve got the keys to the “lost and found.”

We all lose our power buttons from time-to-time. Or maybe I should say, from situation to situation.

There are people and situations that can pull the plug, right out of that power button.

It might be your boss, or in-laws.

It could be a client or your finances.

It might be your health or your kids.

Whatever it is, it always feels like they get the best of you. They win. They have the power.

I’m here to tell you, it isn’t true.

Anytime we feel like someone or something “make us feel” or “we didn’t have a choice.” That’s how we know we’ve lost our power.

I can help you get you power back.

Sound too good to be true?

It’s not.

It’s what I do. All day. Every day. For every client.

Some days is a man or woman needing to decide whether to stay or go from their relationship. And if they go, what do they say and how do they recreate their lives?

Some days it’s working with an entrepreneur that feels like their web designer or virtual assistant is out of control and they don’t know what to do. Or their business is out of control, or frankly, they are out of control when it comes to their business! That happens to every entrepreneur!

Some day’s it’s a mom with her kid going off to college trying to figure out how let him go.

Whatever it is, it’s always about taking your power back. Knowing you can push the power button and get back in charge of your life in a way that is loving and respectful of those around you and doesn’t comprise who you are and your well-being. 

We always find the power button.

Can I help you find yours? Book a free 15-minute call with me and let’s find out. There’s no obligation and I promise; you’ll feel better afterwards. Click here to book yours today.

This is what chasing a dream looks like...

Once upon a time… a woman lost her job. She didn’t do anything wrong, in fact her company appreciated her gifts and talents enough to create a new position for her, but it wasn’t what she yearned for.

What she yearned for was to be an entrepreneur, who could work from anywhere, who would live near the ocean and have the financial freedom to travel. She also yearned for romance and a partner who would be her cheerleader, friend and lover.

She dared to take the leap. 

She left the convenient, six-figure job, made her side-hustle her full-time-entrepreneur-hustle, sold most of what she owned, packed up her convertible Mustang and headed West.

Today, she’s working on a balcony overlooking the ocean.

She’s making big plans with her business and attracting new clients.

She’s making new friends.

She’s living the life she yearned for.

Does she have it all? No.

She hasn’t attracted her romantic partner.

The home is a friend’s, not hers.

She hasn’t done much traveling yet.

She’s scared sometimes.  

She doubts herself and the risk she took from time-to-time.

Some sometimes she thinks she’s crazy, as a woman-of-a-certain-age, to risk it all for a business she believes in, the people she serves, the lifestyle she yearns for, romance and financial freedom on top of that!!

She is entirely toooooo much!

And I love her! She’s bold and brave. Flawed and perfect all at the same time.

She’s learning how to heal herself by loving herself, rather than thinking there is something wrong with her that needs fixing. Love. It’s simple and powerful.

And, of course, she is me. You probably guessed that about two sentences into my story.

Now, I want to ask you, is there something you are yearning for?

It may not be a whole-life-make-over like I’ve done. 

Whatever it is. I promise you, it’s waiting for you to come get it.

It’s yearning for you as much as you yearn for it.

I’ve got three spots open right now for new clients if you want a little coaching to help you get there faster and have a guide for your journey.

It’s what I do. It’s who I am.

Click here to book your 15-minute Discovery Call and we’ll talk about what you are yearning for.

The Question You’ve Always Wanted to Ask

What’s yours?

We all have things we want to ask, to get advice or information on, but we hate the idea of looking foolish!

I used to have a lot of questions about sex. I grew up very sexually ignorant, including being ignorant about how my body worked.

I know I’m not alone. Whether you have a question about your own body, or how to please someone else, wouldn’t it be great if there was a safe place to go for the answers?

I’ve created it for you.

I lovingly call it, Q’s for the Sex Queen.

I’ve created a lovely, private form on my website. You can see it here.  All you do is click on the “Ask Now” box and ask me whatever you want.

Twice a month, I’ll record a video episode of Q’s for the Sex Queen and post it on YouTube. You’ll hear my answer, coaching really, on the video.

Let’s talk about my answers. I’ll be providing information and coaching based on what I know, what I’ve experienced and how I helped clients. I’ve had quite a journey sexually, you can hear more about that in this video, and I’ll share many more stories as I answer your questions.

You don’t have to limit your questions to sex and relationships though. I find that all things in life are connected so feel free to throw anything at me from career, to kids, to having fun, reducing anxiety or travel tips and idea! It’s all on the table for the Queen.

Rest assured, Q’s for the Sex Queen is a judgment-free zone where your question will be handled with the respect and dignity it deserves.

Take a moment right now and ask me your question. I can’t wait to hear it and talk about it on the next episode of, Q’s for the Sex Queen!


What’s the one thing you would change?

We all have something.

It’s the thing we would change in our lives. You might have more than one. I do.

But, we feel like we can’t.

Hear me. Now. You can. You can.

The most unbelievably difficult things get done every day.

Think of all the people that inspire you.

They overcame huge obstacles. That’s why you are inspired by them.

Those people are no different than you are.

All you need is some support.

Some instruction.

Some coaching.

You need to know how to stop thinking and feeling the things that trap you in a limited cluster-fuck of disappointment.

You need tools and strategies to actually think and feel differently. Yes, it’s possible. I do it all the time in my own life.

When you think and feel differently, you find resources and solutions that you never saw before.

You find the way to create your successful business, relationship or career.

You can find a way to love your body. Really. Without losing weight.

You can turn on your sexual energy for pleasure and added creativity.

 So, tell me… What do you want to change?

Tell me what it is. There’s help. If I can’t help you, I bet I know someone who does.  

Do it now. Email me. Lay it on me. It’s changeable. It’s possible.

Live Lavishly Light Episode #13

What happens when you're sick of being married? 

I'm not talking about actually wanting to leave.

There are times in every relationship when you're sick of it! You're fed up with your spouse. 

In today's Live Lavishly Light Episode I'll give you a couple of sure-fire ways to deal with this lifestyle challenge and get back on the path of joy. 

Let me know how it worked for you in the comments below. Especially if you ran into any challenges and difficulties. 

xoxo

Brenda

What am I? Invisible?

I’ve often asked myself that question.

I spent much of my life with the feeling I wasn’t being seen or heard. Feeling invisible.

It’s human nature to want to be seen and heard. Your dislike of that feeling of being invisible is a good thing! The problem isn’t that we want to be seen and heard. The problem is either we aren’t communicating our truth and/or we’re hanging around with the wrong people.  

Know your truth

For some people this is easy. For me, it wasn’t. There have been plenty of times in my life where I didn’t have clarity on my own feelings, beliefs and what was true for me.

There were also plenty of times I knew what my truth was, I simply didn’t have the courage to speak it.

We can’t be seen and heard if we aren’t speaking our truth.

But, what if you speak your truth and others truly are not listening?

Find your tribe

We all need people in our lives who share our truths or at least understand them. These are the ones who ‘get us.’ These beautiful folks are in our tribe. They are the easiest people to be around.

We’re all challenged with people who don’t share our truths, who don’t get us. Let’s make one important distinction with this group.

There are people who don’t share our truth and don’t get us, but they don’t criticize us for being different than they are. They aren’t judging us or constantly trying to get us to change our truth. These are people we can be with on some level. There may not be a lot intimacy, due to the lack of shared values, but we can work with them and socialize with them without feeling diminished or dismissed.

Then there are those who are…

Not in your tribe

These are the folks it’s time to move away from. I mean that literally or emotionally. You don’t need everyone to see and hear you. But you need those who don’t, the people you feel invisible with, to be on the outer edges of your life, or not in your life at all.

You may work with these people. You may live with these people. These people may be in your families. They can be anywhere. What do you do?

Clean your tribal home

It may be time to make some hard decisions.

Start by making sure you’re telling your truth in love. That your talking about yourself, your needs, wants, beliefs and what is true for you, not blaming the other person. This is one of those times it’s all about you, kid!

Once your house is in order, you may need to evaluate whether you’re in alignment with your job and relationships in your life. You may need to leave some people and groups because they aren’t in your tribe. That can be difficult, but it seems to always pay off.

I am always surprised at the rush of energy I get when I break away from people and jobs or groups that are not in alignment with me. It doesn’t make them bad or wrong, just not what’s best for me.

Think of it like an archery target. The bull's eye is right in the center, and it’s small. That spot is for people you feel in total alignment with, but it’s a small space because we don’t usually have more than a couple of those at a time in our lives. Then the circles move outward. A little farther away from you, until you get to that outer edge. Those folks are so far away from you, you hardly notice them.

Your tribe is inside or near near the bull's eye, then you move out from there. Keep the people who don’t see and hear you on that outer edge.

When we surround ourselves with people who see and hear us, we live lavishly!

Loneliness in a relationship! What?

Yes, you read that right.

To me the loneliest thing in the world is being lonely when you’re in a relationship!

I suppose it’s inevitable at some point, even in a good relationship. Our partner can’t always be there and can’t always have the energy to give us what we need and want. That’s normal.

Then there is the loneliness that starts off small, almost something you can dismiss, until it grows. As it grows, you realize, your relationship isn’t working. Once you realize it isn’t working, you may be able to get things back on track. Get a coach. Go to counseling. Manage growing yourselves to the next level of intimacy. Or, you go the other way, grow apart more and feel lonelier until one of you decides it’s over.

Either way, loneliness inside a relationship is painful.

How to cure a case of the lonely blues?

First and foremost, whatever the cause of the loneliness is, take care of yourself. I know there’s a lot of talk these days about self-care. There are tons of books written about it, but how many of us really do it? Really take care of ourselves. If you stop and think about it, we often want others to take care of us. Maybe not to do the laundry, feed or bathe us, but take care of how we feel.

So often when we feel “bad” in anyway, we look to something outside of ourselves to change that.  A person, a shopping trip, a massage or a lovely manicure and pedicure. While there’s nothing wrong with any of those, they aren’t actually a substitute for self-care.

What is self-care, really?

Self-care is when we are so good to ourselves, so loving and nurturing, that we feel content. We feel cared for. It doesn’t mean you never want to hear someone else say something loving or do something that is nurturing, but it does mean that you don’t have to have it from someone else. Because you are constantly giving it to yourself.

The interesting thing for me is that when I take really good care of myself, I have better boundaries with the man I’m with. When I’m taking care of me, the things he does are like icing on the cake and let me tell you… I LOVE icing! I also feel that if he’s not giving me the things I need and want, I need to leave. Not because I’m cake-less, to use the previous analogy, but because I LOVE icing! Why be in a cake store where they don’t have any? I would leave. I leave with all my wholeness, all my cake, intact, because I make the cake.

Don’t get me wrong, we all need relationships and interactions with people. Self-care isn’t about being an on island alone. What it does is help you pick your favorite icing (you can tell I’m loving this analogy).

If I’ve already got an awesome cake, made by me, then whether it’s a friendship, lover, soulmate or evening together, I’ll choose someone who I think has icing that I love. If, after a while, I realize they are serving up a particular icing I don’t like or I realize all they do is talk about icing, but I’ve never really gotten any of it, then I’m much clearer about taking my cake and going somewhere else for icing.

First things first. If you don’t already have your own awesome cake, make one for yourself right away. Here’s the truth, the more you do it, the better you get at cake-making. After a while, it takes no effort at all. Cake-making becomes your thing and you find you’re happy, with or without icing.

Ever feel not lovable enough?

I know exactly how this feels.

I’ve been divorced twice and single for 17 years. I can, and have, gone deep into the rabbit hole of not feeling lovable enough.

Valentine’s Day is approaching. This is one of two holidays (New Year’s Eve being the other) that puts a magnifying glass on the issue of being part of a couple or being single.

When I drop into that rabbit hole of feeling not loveable, I can give you plenty of evidence to support that thought. It’s a thought that leads to a terrible feeling of emptiness and unworthiness. Not a fun feeling.

Just say no.

Say no to the thought. Let’s face it, there are other thoughts you say no to, probably all the time. Especially if you’re trying to start a new habit or stop an old one. You have the thought, I should go to the gym today. Then you say to yourself, no. I’ll do that tomorrow. Or, you tell yourself you shouldn’t eat that piece of cake, you are on a diet, and you say, no. No to the diet.

Why not take the same approach with the thought that you aren’t loveable (desirable, clever, cute or any other reason you tell yourself for being single)? Just say no. No. I am loveable. I am desirable. I am clever. I am cute. I am….

Then grab a supportive friend, or invite some people over, or get online and do a video conferencing party with some cool people that don’t live near you. (Zoom is a great free service for video conferencing. They don’t care if you do it for fun instead of business!)

Break the habit of telling yourself you are not loveable enough. The only way to break a habit is to start doing things differently. Trust me, that thought, and the others that stress you out, are just habits. They can be replaced by something more fun.

Give yourself the Valentine’s gift of something much more fun! You are lovable. You are desirable, you are clever and cute and everything you need to be. You are exactly who you need to be. You are a gift. A Valentine’s gift to yourself and the world.

Live Lavishly Light Episode #9

Are you sick and tired of being single?

I have been single for 17 years and I know a thing or two about feeling as though everyone is in a relationship except me.

I have an exercise I am going to share in this week's LLL episode that I hope will bring you some comfort and confidence on those days when you just hate being single.