Transition

Transforming into the new normal

Have you ever made such a dramatic change in your life that you created a new normal?

Maybe the transformation was thrust upon you from a life event: a move, divorce, marriage, started a family, sent your last kid to college, experienced a career, business or financial loss or breakthrough?

 Transformation means, “a thorough or dramatic change.”

 You may have noticed I’ve been pretty quiet since the end of 2018.

 I left Pennsylvania on December 27th and drove to Los Angeles. I arrived on New Year’s Eve. It was a dream come true (an intention actually from earlier in the year) to ring in 2019 in Southern California.

It was the first step in my move across the country that was full of trust in the unknown. I didn’t have a place to live (I still don’t), my business was very new (it still is) and I was struggling with my services, offerings and brand (I’m not anymore.) Something felt slightly “off,” and I couldn’t figure out what it was. I love coaching. I love liberating people to their wisdom and brilliance. So, why did things feel like such an uphill battle?

Not being independently wealthy, a big move and a new business, mixed with some brand uncertainty, also meant there were some financial challenges.

And yet… there was so much joy. So much certainty. Certainty that all this uncertainty and change that I was ushering into my life was intentional and purposeful.

I hung on and took the ride.

I didn’t talk about it on Facebook and I didn’t email you several times a week, like I have in the past, to give you the blow by blow.

In truth, I wasn’t sure what to say. So, I stayed quiet. I turned inward. I waited for my inner wisdom to lead the way.

That’s exactly what I tell my clients to do. Because I’m a big believer in, “it isn’t about the challenge, it’s about who you’re becoming.”

I kept becoming. I kept becoming a new version of myself.

“A thorough or dramatic change.”  Transformation. I am experiencing deep transformation.

 Some of it’s ugly. Some of it’s gorgeous! Sometimes I’m singing. Sometimes I’m crying.

Can you relate?

Are you in the midst of transformation?

Are you inviting transformation, as I did?

Or is life thrusting a transformation on you?

No matter what shape or size it comes in, I’m here for you. I am 100% clear that my gift is facilitating transformation. In my life. In my client’s lives. In my business. In my client’s businesses.

I am now 100% clear.

I am a transformation coach. I even made some changes to my website to better reflect my services, including biz consulting and operational support for entrepreneurs, and my commitment to sustainable transformation. Check it out, www.BrendaFlorida.com

I work with individuals and business owners who want transformation. They aren’t kicking and screaming against it. They are ready to embrace it. Ready to become the next version of themselves. To create a new normal in their lives, careers, relationships, business and how they contribute to the world.

 Do they get scared? Sure. Do they need help? Sure. Are they willing to invest in their transformation in order to experience the joy of living the next highest expression of themselves? You bet your life they are.

 Is transformation knocking on your door? Will you answer it?

Book a 15-Minute Discover Call here and we’ll chat about it.

There’s no better investment than the investment in your own transformation.

Talk about it Tuesday! Episode 2 - Emotional Transformation

This week on, “Talk About it Tuesday!” we discuss how changing the way you feel can transform your life.

In Episode 2, I discuss the importance of creating change that’s sustainable. So many of us focus on the instant gratification of short-term goals that we don’t consider how it effects us in the long run.

I’ll be talking about the four key elements that I use with my clients, to change our lives through our emotions.

I can’t…

What do you tell yourself you can’t do?

You can’t:

  • Lose weight

  • Get into shape

  • Surf (that was mine, more about that later)

  • Handle money responsibly

  • Get a better job

  • Start a business

  • Ask for a raise

  • Tell your spouse to stop doing what you don’t like

  • Ask for what you want in bed

  • Set a boundary with a friend

  • Stop taking care of others, even when you’re drained because they need you

  • Afford to take a vacation

I don’t care what it is. We tell ourselves all the time, that we can’t.

I’m sick of it!

I hate to rant… sort of, but this one kills me.

Either we can do it, or we don’t want to.

Because if we really want to, we’ll find a way. Otherwise, let’s be honest and say, “I don’t want to.”

It’s okay not to want to. You can, not-want-to put in the effort to get a better job, ask for a raise or start a business. Or, maybe you don’t really want to lose weight, get into shape or surf. While we live in a culture that values money, prestige, being thin and physically fit, you can buck the system and say, nope. That isn’t me. I don’t want to.

Cool. I can get behind that!

Here’s what I can’t get behind.

You have a thought that tells you, you aren’t good enough to do one of those things you want to do. Or a thought that tells you that you’re too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too out of shape, that your husband won’t listen, or your friend won’t respect your boundary, or you haven’t made enough money to go on vacation!

Those are the thoughts I cannot abide.

Those thoughts are not true.

I’ve told myself for the last couple of years that I can’t learn to surf. I’m too old, too out of shape, it’s too late for me. Then I met Alex. She’s a genius when it comes to the body and what’s possible. I told her I really wanted to surf, but couldn’t, because I was too old and out of shape and she said, “that’s not true! I can help you get into shape to surf. I’ll show you what to do and you do it. In six weeks, you’ll have confidence in your ability to surf.” *Note, that doesn’t mean I’ll be ready to surf, but I’ll know I can get there. Alex is honest as well as motivating!

I’m not saying I can’t surf anymore.  I am saying that I can get into shape so that I can.

As far as losing weight goes, that’s clear, I don’t want to.

It’s incredibly liberating to be honest with ourselves.

What do you need to be honest with yourself about?

If you really don’t want to do it, even if it’s not popular, just be honest and say, you don’t want to. You’ll feel how freaking liberating that is!

If you want to do something and you don’t know how to get there, like me with surfing, then stop saying you can’t, and find someone who can help you! That’s why we need fitness trainers, coaches and all other types of teachers and mentors. They help us get where we want to be when can’t seem to get ourselves there.

Just do it, as Nike says. Hire the coach, hire the fitness trainer, book the vacation, lose the weight, whatever it is that you want…you CAN do it!

I’d love to chat with you about whether or not I can help you in the coaching department. It’s super easy, schedule a 10-minute call with this link, and we’ll figure it out. Easy, peasy.

xoxo,
Brenda

Are you in the middle of a transition?

You could say, I'm the... Queen of Transitions 

I’ve moved 13 times since I got married at the ripe old age of 18 years old!

I’ve left two marriages and one partner. It’s a hard thing, even when you know you need to do it. Each time, I was following the truth of who I am. It’s liberating, empowering, scary and bold.

I have four children who are adult now, so you name it, I’ve done it. Had four kids in seven years, that’s transition on steroids. One by one, sent them to school, cried at their graduations, had an empty nest, married them off and had grandchildren.

I’ve had two successful business, that I sold. I built a career in real estate as a manager, broker, owner and leadership development expert. I’ve spoken at events, trained people and created my own programs to enhance the leadership skills of others. And, now, I have a coaching practice that I love! Of all the things I’ve done in my life, coaching is my favorite and the perfect combination of my skills.

WHEN WE ARE IN TRANSITION LIFE IS OFFERING US THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHANGE.

To open to the next highest expression of ourselves. We can accept that challenge or reject it and continue in our old ways, repeating the thoughts, feelings and actions that got us there.

When we choose to accept the challenge, to wake-up, to reshape our vision of what is possible, we open ourselves up for joy, power and freedom. We are perfectly poised for sustainable transformation.

THE CROWN JEWELS

To create sustainable transformation in our lives we must include all four of, what I call, the Crown Jewels. Think of them as jewels in a crown. Each one equally as important to the majesty and brilliance of the crown. A crown you’ll want to wear!

Yearnings - these are the things, people, projects and passions we have that allow us to be the best version of ourselves possible. Your yearnings are your personal seeds of greatness! 

Thoughts - we all have thoughts that diminish us, criticize and shame us. Others have said them to us and now we say them to ourselves. It’s time to learn how to transform those stressful thoughts to thoughts that liberate and free you.

Feelings - the thoughts we have trigger our feelings. Sometimes our feelings will trigger a thought. They become a vicious cycle of thinking and feeling that limit and harm us. Anxiety, depression and fear keep us trapped in a life that is limited. When we learn to create empowering and positive feeling states, regardless of our circumstances we free ourselves from what we were trapped by. 

Actions - the things we do or don’t do. When our thoughts and feelings are limited and steeling our power, we don’t act in ways that support our highest good. When we align our thoughts, feelings and actions, with what we yearn for, everything comes together. We are focused. We take inspired, intentional action towards our yearnings. 

Everything I do is designed to empower you to get those four jewels in your crown! That’s what I yearn for!

What do you yearn for that I can help you get in alignment with? Let's schedule a 10 minute Discovery Call, I have openings next week, and we'll see if I can help you get to the life you yearn for! Schedule it here

What if getting lost is a good thing?

I think we all feel lost at times. 

We lose ourselves in our kids, spouses, jobs and in the responsibility of caring for others. 

Sometimes we get lost in life transitions. We move, have a baby, the baby goes to school, the baby grows up and leaves home, we get divorced or widowed, we lose a job or a friend.

All of life's transitions create opportunities to lose ourselves. We get so wrapped up in other people, their needs, their wants, the tasks at hand to pack up our belongings or adjust to a new job and a new city, and in the process, you stop thinking about yourself. 

Then one day you wake up and realize, little by little, piece by piece, you've given yourself away and you're not sure why or how it happened. 

If you're in that place now, please know, you are not alone. We've all done it. And you can take yourself back. Find yourself again. One piece at a time. 

Here's the real shocker.

I think it's good when we lose ourselves. 

Seriously??

Yes. I think it means it's time to rebuild. To reexamine your perspective of who you are and what you want. 

Losing yourself is actually an opening. It's a chance to reevaluate what you want in your life. It's like your psyche is helping you wipe the slate clean.  

If you happen to be in that place now, where you feel lost, where you've forgotten what you like and what excites you, then stop for a moment and be grateful for the journey. Tell yourself that this feeling lost is a gift. It's allowing you to look at everything you do and every relationship in your life and ask a very important question, "Is this loving to me?" Then you pause and wait for the answer. 

The answers don't always come immediately. 

Give yourself time and space. Don't press or push for the answers. Be open to whatever comes. 

When the answer comes, don't argue with it. Be open to possibility. Be open to a new way. That's why life brings us to these places. To give us a chance to find a new way. Maybe the answer is, "I need more help with the kids (or aging parent or disabled spouse.)" Don't dismiss it and tell yourself you can't afford it. Take that answer seriously. 

Explore possibilities. Rearrange your budget. Find help through community services or local churches. Barter something you enjoy doing for child-care or housecleaning or whatever it is you need. You'd be surprised how well bartering for services works. 

Be willing to give up something you didn't think you could give up. I don't mean give up taking care of yourself, I mean, give up volunteering at school or church. Or, give up a community organization you're involved in. If it doesn't pass the test of, "is this loving to me?" then it needs to go. Maybe it doesn't go forever, but it needs to go for now. 

Life leads us towards life. 

It is part of our nature to be driven towards life. To grow, not shrink. To live, not die. To flourish, not stagnate. When we feel lost, when we see ourselves shrinking and stagnate, it's a sign. A sign we need to examine our lives and move towards what is loving to us. One tiny step at a time. Move towards love. 

No failure. Is that possible?

I don’t know about you, but I can be pretty hard on myself.

At least I used to be.

It is a habit I’m definitely breaking.

Will you join me?

There's no such thing as failure.

Think back to some of your most valuable lessons. They probably involved a failure. I know mine do.

Here are a few of mine.

I ended my first marriage. This was my high school sweetheart. We had four kids together. I had always been taught that divorce was wrong. There were plenty of people, at the time, who also told me I was wrong to leave. It definitely felt like a failure!

It was also the catalyst to my learning who I was and what I wanted in my life. I had always lived my life based on what other people wanted and needed. In fact, most of the time I didn’t know what I wanted or needed, I was so lost in everyone else’s needs and wants. Leaving my marriage was the beginning of an opening. It’s an opening I’m still exploring. Discovering and expressing the very best version of myself.

I had a terrible failure professionally once. It involved the classic blunder of sending an email to the wrong people with the wrong content. I won’t go into all the gory details, but it cost me my job. I was suddenly looking for a new job. That led me to a job that expanded my skills tremendously. The leadership training and coaching I do in my business today is a direct result of what I learned in that job.

Now let’s combine relationships and jobs. I failed at both at the same time. I was single and unemployed. But, this time, I’m a little wiser… and older… but I wasn’t going to let my age get to me. I followed my heart. I didn’t start applying for jobs because it didn’t feel peaceful, it felt full of anxiety and stress. So… I spent most of my savings. OK. All of my savings. But, I kept believing that I would get what I needed by the time I needed it. I believed my lesson in that transition was to trust myself and my inner wisdom/inner Divine to lead me to my ideal job.

She did. I got inspired to contact someone I had worked for previously about a project we had discussed but put on hold. This inspiration came to me “out of the blue.” I’ve learned to trust that sort of inspiration at this point in my life. They hired me to do the project and offered me a fantastic job on top of the project! Suddenly I went from spending that last of my savings to a 6-figure salary.

None of these apparent-failures were failures. They liberated me from something in my life that really wasn’t working anymore into my next highest level of growth. How can that possibly be a failure?

If you knew-- I mean absolutely knew-- that there is no failure, what would you do?

Tell me!

I know for me this new attitude gives me boldness and confidence as I grow my business. It gives me confidence in relationships and as I look forward to the next year. I’m working on a new program that I’m incredibly passionate about, and I’m creating a new niche in my coaching practice that’s going to knock your socks off!

Why would I do that? Why not play it safe? Because there is no failure! I’m going for it!  

Is it Possible to Thrive in Transition?

Yes!

Unequivocally, Yes!

I am the Queen of transition! I’ve left relationships, jobs, changed careers entirely, moved…oh boy, have I moved. I probably should have bought my own moving company, at least then I could make money on it! I’ve raised my kids, emptied my nest and become a grandmother.

I feel like I have enough experience to assure you that it is possible to thrive during transition.

I love coaching people through their transitions, in careers or any other area of life. Don’t struggle alone.

When I get back from my retreat next week, (read about that here if you missed it), I’m going to have some time open on my calendar because I’ve transitioned out of my full-time job into full-time coaching, which, has been my favorite transition of all! If you want to explore working with me one-on-one, click here to schedule a 10 min call and we’ll discuss if and how I can help you.

I can’t wait to work with you!

xoxo,  Brenda

 

PS, I’d love for you to join me in my private FB Group, Live Lavishly: Turn up your power, from the boardroom to the bedroom. It’s a great place to hang out with like-minded women. Sorry guys, this is a “women’s club.” We’re open and honest. We share our victories and support each other when we’re freaking out! Get the support you need. Click here to join the group.

Where does your life need a little death and rebirth?

This may not be the way you typically look at things.

It’s not the way we normally invite something into our life, by asking for a death. It seems counter-intuitive.

And yet, new life isn’t possible without the death of something. Think of it as what needs to go. What do you need to give away? What do you need to stop? What do you need to say no to? 

Let it go!

By letting go, by saying no, by ending an activity or pattern in your life that isn’t serving you any more, you open up the space for, yes, new life. New growth.

What do you want to create? What do you want to start? What do you want to say yes to?

There are things right now that want to be born in your life. New projects, creations, ideas, relationships, jobs, businesses and adventures are underground right now.

Think of it as a garden.

There are things waiting for you to tear out last year’s garden, till the soil and give them the conditions they need to grow and flourish.

If you had a garden, you wouldn’t try to plant new seeds without clearing out last year’s crop. You wouldn’t look at the straggly, dried up leftovers from last year’s garden and pretend it’s new and full of new life.

Where are you pretending in your life?

Where do you have a garden that is dried up and dead, and you're pretending it’s growing? Maybe you don’t delude yourself that it’s flourishing, but you rationalize that it’s okay. Plus, tearing it out and clearing the ground is a lot of work. Maybe it seems easier to make yourself believe it’s okay to have a dead garden.

We all do it.

Let’s stop.

Live Lavishly Light Episode #3

“It’s the journey, not the destination.”

That’s all well and good, as long as you’re not actually “wandering in the wilderness!”

Today’s Live Lavishly Light episode is about looking at whether we’re on a journey or going around in circles.

It can be a lot of work to change. It can be easier to talk about change, while actually doing the same thing over and over.

Let’s break the habit of going in circles, and journey on-- in love and light.

Navigating Life's Transitions

Do you hate change?

I hear this so often as a life coach. There are plenty of folks who hate change. And yet...nothing that grows is stagnant. It seems to me like change is a pretty good thing! I sure as hell don't want to be stagnant. That's not living lavishly to me.

How can we leverage life's transitions?

Our thoughts are the predictors of how stressful our transitions and life changes will feel to us. Today I've got a great demonstration of the power of your thoughts to create joy or stress and how you can use this Life Coach tool to change how stressful your next transition.

Try it out and tell me how it worked for you!

Get videos and other cool  stuff to Live Lavishly every day right here.