Sorry. Not Sorry

I think being sexy, at least for a woman, has gotten a bad rap.

I love being sexy and I’m not apologizing for it! Sorry. Not Sorry.

There’s a stigma that some men will behave badly when a woman behaves or dresses sexy. And that somehow, that is the woman’s fault. What can she expect after all? Men will be men. They are stimulated visually. It’s not their fault.

Ummm, really? I am very stimulated visually. So, following this logic; if I see a man who stimulates me sexually; would I touch him, maybe graze over his crotch, as if by accident, so I can cop a feel? Would I stare or tell him how I’d love to see him out of that suit and in my bed? Or better yet, serve back a line that I’ve heard before, “You know what would look good on you? Me!” Ummm, no. I don’t think so.

YUCK! Can we have a collective yuck on that!

Acting and dressing sexy, taking a sexy selfie, showing some cleavage or wearing a great pair of sexy heels, doesn’t mean you are inviting others to make sexual advances.

When I’m expressing myself in a way that some would describe as sexy, or when I commissioned a pinup painting, as I did lately, I’m not doing it to get attention from a man. I’m doing it because I like expressing myself that way. And I’m proud to have the confidence to do so. Just like I also enjoy expressing myself in a formal gown with heels or yoga pants with flip flops. I do it for me. Because they are all part of who I am.

How I dress isn’t an open invitation.

I'm also not apologizing for how I dress or act. I refuse to be sorry that, sometimes, I act and dress in a manner that could be described as sexy.  

I don’t dress, nor behave, for others. I dress for myself. I act in ways that are congruent with my authentic self. My sexy self!

Some people like it. Some people don’t. That’s fine.

And, please, let’s stop with the insinuations and statements I often hear about how “She deserved it. Look how she’s dressed.” Or a classic, “She was flirting with him. Of course, he got aroused. What did she expect?”

I’ll tell you what she expected. To be treated as an equal. To be treated with respect. To be treated with dignity. She expects that a man is always, and I mean always, responsible for how he behaves and what he says. Even under the ‘duress’ of a sexy woman! If you can’t control yourself, stay away!

That means, even if she’s flirting, you don’t touch without asking. You dance the dance of flirtation with respect and dignity which means you check in to be sure she’s enjoying it as much as you are.

Women, it means you stay tuned into your own body and senses and you always give yourself permission to say, “no.” You give yourself permission to walk away. I don’t care if you “started it.” Walk the fuck away. It’s your right. Make a scene if you need to!

It’s time to stop blaming women for their sexiness.  

What will you do to express your sexy side this week? Does that intimidate you? Does it excite you? I’d love to hear how you feel about letting your sexy-side come out to play and how you do that.

If you need them, here are a few suggestions:

  • Sexy lingerie is a great way to turn-on your sexy.

  • Wear Red lipstick. I mean, really red. Marilyn Monroe Red. It’s always sexy

  • Wear a mini-skirt or item of clothing that shows a little more skin than you’re used to

  • Listen to sultry, sexy music

  • Light some candles, run the bathwater, turn on the music and give yourself some pleasure…you know what I mean!