Authenticity

Why I had to remove my Mom from my email list!

Here’s the truth.

I have a lot to say about how to live a life that is unapologetically authentic (including that it means that life is not perfect!)

I’m all about taking risks.

I will put my life on the line to be truthful to myself and what I feel guided to do in my life.

And… that doesn’t mean I don’t look back and ask, “What the fuck was I thinking! I was totally operating out of fear and my ego!”

But… I don’t live with regrets. I go for it and clean up the messes I make as I go!

Here’s the problem.

I realized recently, that when it comes to what I say publicly and on social media, at times, I’m super truthful and even provocative. Yay! It always feels good because it is unapologetically authentic.

But sometimes I hold back.

Sometimes I “tone it down.” Yuk!

I’ve been told most of my life that I am “too much.” I want too much. I talk too loud. I laugh too loud. I say too much about my life. I talk about sex too much.

What quickly follows, “too much,” is “who do you think you are?”

How many times have we been asked that from others? Or, honestly, it’s often a self-inflicted question.

Who do you think you are?

I really, really want you to take some time, in a beautiful and peaceful place, and answer that question. It will change your life. Leave all your judgment behind. Leave all your ideas about what others will say or who they want you to be, or who you think they think they want you to be! (Yes, you read that right. Most of these things are things we think others are thinking.)

Recently, I came to terms with my need to stop “toning it down.”.

And then I took my mom off my email list.

Because, frankly, she doesn’t need to know everything I think and say, and I am committed to being truthful. If she does hear about it, I’ll deal with that.

If I trip and fall and start toning it down, I’ll stop it and go back to the truth, even if it upsets someone! Even my mom.

Because I can answer that question, “who do you think you are?”. I am bold. I am loud. I want more. I want a big, big life in every way. I want to help my clients transform their lives. I want everyone to have the great sex they deserve. I want everyone to work in the careers or businesses that thrill them. I want everyone to have a partner, spouse, lover that is their equal. That honors them, loves them, cheers them on, and nurtures them. Or, be single and love it! I want everyone to heal themselves, because then the world will be healed.

On Thursday I’ll be introducing the most provocative, exciting video series I’ve ever done, and in August, I’ll have a program with the same theme. The videos and the program will transform the way you think about your life!

That’s a BIG STATEMENT! But I can handle it. I’m BIG. I want more for me and you!

It's Happening!

I’m in Bloomington, Indiana today! We report to the super-secret photo shoot location at 9:00 a.m. For approximately, eight hours I’ll be hanging out with 10 other delightful women, photographer, Chelsea Sanders, hair and make-up artists, and the crew needed for such a project. All of us models, in our bras and panties, while we get our photos taken. Not a normal Thursday for me.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I wrote about it in Sunday’s blog. Check it out here.

The short version of the story is I applied to an open casting call, for models, to appear in a book called, BARE.

You KNOW I’ll have a lot to say after this beautiful experience! Watch for that!

Follow the adventure on FB with me too! My personal page is here. My private FB Group, for women only, is here.

Sending you love and body positivity!

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, hit reply to this email and we’ll schedule a quick, 10-minute call to see if working together is going to be transformational and magical for you. 🙂

What if getting lost is a good thing?

I think we all feel lost at times. 

We lose ourselves in our kids, spouses, jobs and in the responsibility of caring for others. 

Sometimes we get lost in life transitions. We move, have a baby, the baby goes to school, the baby grows up and leaves home, we get divorced or widowed, we lose a job or a friend.

All of life's transitions create opportunities to lose ourselves. We get so wrapped up in other people, their needs, their wants, the tasks at hand to pack up our belongings or adjust to a new job and a new city, and in the process, you stop thinking about yourself. 

Then one day you wake up and realize, little by little, piece by piece, you've given yourself away and you're not sure why or how it happened. 

If you're in that place now, please know, you are not alone. We've all done it. And you can take yourself back. Find yourself again. One piece at a time. 

Here's the real shocker.

I think it's good when we lose ourselves. 

Seriously??

Yes. I think it means it's time to rebuild. To reexamine your perspective of who you are and what you want. 

Losing yourself is actually an opening. It's a chance to reevaluate what you want in your life. It's like your psyche is helping you wipe the slate clean.  

If you happen to be in that place now, where you feel lost, where you've forgotten what you like and what excites you, then stop for a moment and be grateful for the journey. Tell yourself that this feeling lost is a gift. It's allowing you to look at everything you do and every relationship in your life and ask a very important question, "Is this loving to me?" Then you pause and wait for the answer. 

The answers don't always come immediately. 

Give yourself time and space. Don't press or push for the answers. Be open to whatever comes. 

When the answer comes, don't argue with it. Be open to possibility. Be open to a new way. That's why life brings us to these places. To give us a chance to find a new way. Maybe the answer is, "I need more help with the kids (or aging parent or disabled spouse.)" Don't dismiss it and tell yourself you can't afford it. Take that answer seriously. 

Explore possibilities. Rearrange your budget. Find help through community services or local churches. Barter something you enjoy doing for child-care or housecleaning or whatever it is you need. You'd be surprised how well bartering for services works. 

Be willing to give up something you didn't think you could give up. I don't mean give up taking care of yourself, I mean, give up volunteering at school or church. Or, give up a community organization you're involved in. If it doesn't pass the test of, "is this loving to me?" then it needs to go. Maybe it doesn't go forever, but it needs to go for now. 

Life leads us towards life. 

It is part of our nature to be driven towards life. To grow, not shrink. To live, not die. To flourish, not stagnate. When we feel lost, when we see ourselves shrinking and stagnate, it's a sign. A sign we need to examine our lives and move towards what is loving to us. One tiny step at a time. Move towards love. 

What to do when you don’t feel brave enough

Life if full of opportunities to step up. 

To say “yes.” Or maybe it’s “no,” that takes more courage.

It takes courage to be authentic.

To speak our truth.

To open a business, write a blog, or ask for a raise.

I remember when I went to work after being a stay-at-home mother for 10 years. That was terrifying! I had very little confidence. I felt like an imposter every day.

How can we prepare for such things?

Sometimes we can anticipate that we’re going to get an invitation to be brave. Other times, it’s unexpected.  

I suggest you practice. What do I mean? Practice being brave?

Yes. So often we try to avoid anything that feels risky. We avoid doing something we may fail at.

Big mistake! Bravery can be practiced. It’s a skill you can build by doing it. By doing it often.

Start small. Ask for a free coffee at your favorite coffee shop. Will they tell you no? Probably. There. You just survived a rejection, a disappointment. You might have been embarrassed or felt foolish. Other people in line heard you make a ridiculous request. Let the embarrassment roll by. Smile. Hold your head high. Say “thank you” to the barista. You’re in your own training regime. That’s all that matters.

When you leave you’ll feel the feeling of being brave enough to do it. And what if… What if the barista says “sure.” You’ll be giving yourself high-fives for being so brave!

If this seems ridiculous. I’ll give you the method to my madness. You see, it doesn’t really matter whether the barista says yes, or no. For you, it’s about the practice of asking for something that you wouldn’t normally ask for. That’s part of what being brave is. Doing something you wouldn’t normally do. It doesn’t have to be jumping out of a plane.

Here’s the other reason it will strengthen your bravery muscle: you’re not attached to the outcome. I mean, really, it doesn’t matter if they say yes or no. The point is being brave enough to ask. Being detached from the outcome is a freedom all it’s own.

The real magic?

When we practice being brave in situations that don’t matter, that aren’t important, we are much more likely to be brave when it is important! How can I expect myself to be brave in speaking my truth to my lover, spouse or boss, when I can’t be brave with a barista about something that isn’t even that important? With a little practice you will be able to tap into that practiced bravery when it matters.  

 

Who Do You Think You Are?

Who Do You Think You Are?

We often create our identity by the roles we play, mother, father, son, daughter, friend, or who we are professionally. "I'm a lawyer, a fitness coach, a life coach." I live in this neighborhood and drive this car. But, is that really who we are?

What if all of it were taken away? Who are you then?

We are so much more than what we think, the roles we play, the things we have. I began learning this the hard way, as is often the way of things. In a time of significant loss, I began to liberate myself from the identity I had for myself.

In today's video I'll share my story and give you a challenge. A challenge that can liberate you, just like it did me.

Get videos and other cool  stuff to Live Lavishly every day right here.

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