Personal Growth

On the Road to Enlightenment... I'll Take a Martini!

The road to enlightenment isn’t for the faint of heart. 

And, we’re all on the road. Unless we’ve decided to never grow. Never learn. Never change. 

You may not think about yourself as being on the road to enlightenment, but I bet you want to grow. You don’t want to be exactly the same next year, as you are today. So.. You’re on the road.

Me, I’m going to take a martini with me! As 100% committed to enlightenment as I am, I love pleasure. I love being irreverent. I love saying “Fuck!” as a fun exclamation point! I love having sex, drinking wine, having a glass of Champagne and having a martini (although, in truth, I’ll more likely have a cosmopolitan, which isn’t exactly a martini, but it’s close!)

I don’t think all that is counter to enlightenment, it’s just now how we typically imagine enlightenment. We typically imagine it as quiet, proper, probably a vegetarian and celibate or at least not openly enthusiastic about steak and sex, like I am!  

I’m here to break the mold of what it looks like to pursue enlightenment. All of us, in every shape, style and personality type is pursuing enlightenment in our own way. 

I started Cocktails and Coachingbecause of this seeming dichotomy. Accessing our inner wisdom, seeking truth, seeking to know ourselves and the Divine on a deeper level and… having a cocktail in the process! 

Join me Wednesday, August 14that 5 pm Pacific/8 Eastern, and my super-unconventional co-host, Kai Shanti. Kai has many amazing gifts and a colorful background (think, “married to a rock-star’ colorful.) Kai has an amazing YouTube channelyou can go to and hear her amazing wisdom. She channels higher consciousness and she shares my passion for discussing sex, sexuality and personal power within our sexuality. It’s going to be a powerful gathering! 

Ask your question, on any topic, right here. We gather in my private Facebook Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation. If you aren’t a member, click here to join.

See you Wednesday as we pursue our enlightenment along with a glass of wine, martini, Kombucha, tea or whatever suits your beautiful, authentic self! 

100 Days of Living Orgasmically

You read that right.

100 Days of Living Orgasmically.

I’m creating a video series where I’ll use orgasm as a metaphor for life!

It’s a perfect metaphor in so many ways.

Shame kills an orgasm.

Self-care makes it easier.

No one outside of ourselves really has the power to give it to us - or take it away from us.

Orgasms can be empowering.

They connect us to our bodies and our soul.

They can connect us to someone else’s body and soul.

It’s the highest experience of pleasure.

Isn’t that what you’d like to say about your life on your death bed?

I do.

Join me. It all starts Thursday, August 1, 2019.

It’s going to be provocative. Fun. Irreverent at times. Inspirational. Thought provoking.

We’re going to transform our lives from the inside out. It’s the only way.

You’ll find the videos each day in two places; my YouTube Channel will have a playlist. You can watch and comment from there. They will also be in my private Facebook Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation. I’ll do some of them live in the group, but everything will be added to the Youtube Playlist. If you aren’t a member of the private FB Group you can join here.

The square peg - round hole trap

I am a master at this!

And, I fucking hate it!

I get an idea. It’s usually when I’m stressed. I know… that should be my first sign…

And I think, “Sure. I can do that. I can make that work.”

You see I pride myself on being a survivor. One of those women who can “figure it out,” no matter what challenge comes up.

And I do. And, sometimes it’s been amazing.

And sometimes I’m just shoving my fucking square peg into a round hole, smiling and pretending all the while that I can really do this. If I just hang in there a little longer. If I try a little harder.

Then I wake up one day (that’s what it’s like for me. A sudden flash of total clarity.) and I’m like, “fuck! I know what’s wrong! I’m shoving my square peg into a round hole and I hate the way that feels!”

Then, I get myself out of whatever I’ve gotten myself into.

It might be a romantic relationship, or even a marriage. It might be a job, a place I live or something I volunteer for.

Here’s what I know for sure, no matter what the price, getting my square peg out of a round hole ALWAYS makes my life better. It’s a personal win.

And magically, a door open, usually almost immediately, that gives me an opportunity to use my energy and talents in a way that is right for me. A square peg in a square hole, so-to-speak.

Can you relate? What are you doing in your life, right now, that feels like a square peg in a round hole. I’d love to hear about it. We all do it.

The trick is, getting ourselves out of it and noticing faster when we do it the next time. That’s called unapologetic evolution. I will never apologize for stepping into the next best version of myself! And neither should you!

I can’t…

What do you tell yourself you can’t do?

You can’t:

  • Lose weight

  • Get into shape

  • Surf (that was mine, more about that later)

  • Handle money responsibly

  • Get a better job

  • Start a business

  • Ask for a raise

  • Tell your spouse to stop doing what you don’t like

  • Ask for what you want in bed

  • Set a boundary with a friend

  • Stop taking care of others, even when you’re drained because they need you

  • Afford to take a vacation

I don’t care what it is. We tell ourselves all the time, that we can’t.

I’m sick of it!

I hate to rant… sort of, but this one kills me.

Either we can do it, or we don’t want to.

Because if we really want to, we’ll find a way. Otherwise, let’s be honest and say, “I don’t want to.”

It’s okay not to want to. You can, not-want-to put in the effort to get a better job, ask for a raise or start a business. Or, maybe you don’t really want to lose weight, get into shape or surf. While we live in a culture that values money, prestige, being thin and physically fit, you can buck the system and say, nope. That isn’t me. I don’t want to.

Cool. I can get behind that!

Here’s what I can’t get behind.

You have a thought that tells you, you aren’t good enough to do one of those things you want to do. Or a thought that tells you that you’re too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too out of shape, that your husband won’t listen, or your friend won’t respect your boundary, or you haven’t made enough money to go on vacation!

Those are the thoughts I cannot abide.

Those thoughts are not true.

I’ve told myself for the last couple of years that I can’t learn to surf. I’m too old, too out of shape, it’s too late for me. Then I met Alex. She’s a genius when it comes to the body and what’s possible. I told her I really wanted to surf, but couldn’t, because I was too old and out of shape and she said, “that’s not true! I can help you get into shape to surf. I’ll show you what to do and you do it. In six weeks, you’ll have confidence in your ability to surf.” *Note, that doesn’t mean I’ll be ready to surf, but I’ll know I can get there. Alex is honest as well as motivating!

I’m not saying I can’t surf anymore.  I am saying that I can get into shape so that I can.

As far as losing weight goes, that’s clear, I don’t want to.

It’s incredibly liberating to be honest with ourselves.

What do you need to be honest with yourself about?

If you really don’t want to do it, even if it’s not popular, just be honest and say, you don’t want to. You’ll feel how freaking liberating that is!

If you want to do something and you don’t know how to get there, like me with surfing, then stop saying you can’t, and find someone who can help you! That’s why we need fitness trainers, coaches and all other types of teachers and mentors. They help us get where we want to be when can’t seem to get ourselves there.

Just do it, as Nike says. Hire the coach, hire the fitness trainer, book the vacation, lose the weight, whatever it is that you want…you CAN do it!

I’d love to chat with you about whether or not I can help you in the coaching department. It’s super easy, schedule a 10-minute call with this link, and we’ll figure it out. Easy, peasy.

xoxo,
Brenda

I’m obsessed with personal growth!

Seriously, I don’t ever want to stop.

As soon as I see a pattern or habit that limits me or doesn’t serve me anymore, I’ll do whatever it takes to break the habit, dis-empower the limiting belief, slay whatever it is.

Whatever it takes, from therapy, to coaching, reading books, going to workshops and retreats. I’m relentless. For me, once I see it, I can’t go back to pretending I don’t know it’s there. Limiting me. Keeping me from being the highest expression of myself possible.

Why do I do it?

Freedom. Liberation. Transformation. I want nothing less than these. To be liberated to my own wisdom. To be transformed into a higher expression of myself. Living in the freedom that comes from knowing who I am, that I’m a unique spark of the Divine. That there are infinite possibilities.

What do you want?

Do you want freedom? Do you want to be liberated to your best self? To be transformed? To live as the highest expression of yourself?

What project would you start? What book would you write? What business would you start or expand? How would you change the world?

The calling of a life coach

This is why I love being a coach. I love being part of a person’s process. Facilitating the liberation. Facilitating the transformation. It’s the most exciting thing I can imagine!

It’s what motivates me to write to you three times a week. It inspired me to create an online program, Enough Already. It’s what makes me happy to get up early or work late to meet with a client.

It’s also what motivates me to keep looking at my own life. Examining where I’m selling myself short. Where I’m diminishing myself and what’s possible.

I’m sure some people look at me and think it’s exhausting. I know my ex-husbands interpreted it as discontent. As if I’m never happy with what I have. That’s not it at all. I just don’t believe in stopping. I want to keep going. Keep growing. Imagining the joy of the next breakthrough.

This is the essence of what it means to me to live lavishly. Do I love the luxuries of life? Yes. I love living lavishly in those ways too, but what does that matter if my soul isn’t living lavishly? Living lavishly is all about liberating yourself from the things that hold you back. Nothing short of lavish transformation and freedom!

Thank you for being with me on the journey to Live Lavishly!

Fail Spectacularly!

Have You Ever Failed Spectacularly?

It's not any fun when it's happening, but if you're like me, you learn a lot when you fail spectacularly!

Lessons Learned

Recently I was watching the Shirley MacLaine movie, The Last Word. It's a great movie! MacLaine talks about this idea that we should welcome failure, and the bigger the better.

I know I've had my biggest growth spurts emotionally, professionally and spiritually after big failures, so it got me thinking.

Check out today's video and let me know what you think in the comments. Have you experienced great growth after a spectacular failure?

Get videos and other cool  stuff to Live Lavishly every day right here.