Have you ever kept quiet when you knew the answer?
Have you ever passed on an opportunity because you thought someone else was more deserving?
Have you ever been less than you are, in an attempt to make someone else feel more comfortable?
How often do we “lose” when we could “win?” Play small in order to fit in, not make waves or not make someone “feel bad.”
It’s time to stop.
That might sound more boss-y than coach-y, but it’s appropriate in this case. Sometimes, we just need to stop doing what we’re doing.
It never serves the world, or our greater good, to be less than we are. Think of yourself as the parent of a talented child. Maybe she’s a brainiac who pretends she doesn’t know the answer so the other kids don’t tease her. Maybe she’s a field hockey player who purposely misses a goal so her teammate doesn’t feel bad for not scoring as many.
If you were her mother, you would tell her to stop that! That her playing small, not being her absolute best, doesn’t serve anyone. That the kid who is teasing her is jealous and the teammate who feels bad, has her own insecurities. And, that’s not her problem. Let them work on their jealously and insecurity with their parents, a teacher or coach. It’s not her job to fix their problems. It’s her job to be the best she can possible be! Isn’t that what you’d tell her?
That’s what I’m here to tell you. Stop shrinking. Stop playing small. Stop being less than you can be.
Here’s where coach Brenda comes in (we’ll set boss-y Brenda aside.) I know that to stop doing something we’ve done for a long time, is easier said than done.
I’ve got two solutions.
1. Start to become aware of every time you shrink or play small. We can’t change something until we are aware of it, the moment we do it. That creates the opportunity to change and make a different decision. If you’re aware, but still struggle with choosing you to stand in your truth, make a list of the thoughts you have that stop you. They probably sound something like this, “you’re being arrogant.” “Who do you think you are?” “You don’t want to make them feel bad.” Take those thoughts and become your own ideal parent. Tell your beautiful self that your job is to be the best you. If that bothers someone, it’s their job to figure out why they don’t want you to be your best.
2. My new program, Live Lavishly, is the perfect solution to this challenge. It’s so easy to play small and Live Lavishly has tons of tools to help you break that habit and replace it with empowering decisions and actions. It’s a ‘whole-life’ solution. We dive into everything from our bodies, sex, relationships, money, our careers… we want to Live Lavishly in all aspects of our lives! Join me and a beautiful community of women to stop playing small and getting the tools and skills they need to Live Lavishly! Check out all the details and register here.
Let’s promise each other that we will stop shrinking. No matter how hard it is.
Marianne Williamson said it best, “There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”