change

The Dreaded "Dark Night of the Soul"

A ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ is when you’re drowning in difficult circumstances.

When the things that used to work, when life served you lemons, don’t work.

You can’t figure out how to make lemonade out of this.

Is there something wrong?

It’s easy to drop into all the disempowering questions, like, “what am I doing wrong?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why does life have to be so hard?”

Equally easy is what I call, compare and despair. That’s when it seems like everyone you encounter is thriving in the area(s) of life you’re being challenged in. Which brings up thoughts like, “How come they can do it/get it and I can’t?” Which usually takes us right back to “What’s wrong with me?”

Every great person I admire has had at least one dark night of the soul. But we hear their stories after they are on the other side. Eckhart Tolle and the two years he lived on a park bench before writing “The Power of Now” and became a wealthy world-famous author and spiritual leader.

Oprah and her years of poverty, abuse and so much more, before becoming a celebrated talk-show host and billionaire.

How did they navigate those years, living on a park bench, in poverty, abused?

And how do I consciously navigate and get through my dark night of the soul?

I don’t want to be a victim. I want to figure out what is here for me in this dark time.   

A dark night of the soul becomes a great part of our story, when we’re on the other side, we have evolved to the next level of our journey.

After a dark night of the soul, something better, bigger, brighter emerges.

That’s why they are “worth it.”

Why I don’t want to numb-out or runaway when one enters my life.

When my dark night of the soul hits, I endeavor to embrace it and ask empowering questions, “what is wanting to emerge in me now?” “What is the next highest expression of myself and who do I need to become in order to live it?”

When you’re swimming in fear, anxiety, despair and all you can imagine are terrible futures; the one where you run out of money, or get a bad diagnosis, lose the relationship, end up a bag lady or live on the street, it’s really hard to keep a vision of the “next-best” version of yourself and your life.

I know. I’ve been there. So,

I’m creating a life-raft.

It’s the life-raft I needed.

So, you can stop drowning in the downward spiral of anxiety and catastrophe driven thoughts.

I’ve been collecting tools and strategies for years.

I’m calling it, “From Darkness to Light.”

It’s a four-week group coaching program, for men and women.. I’m pricing it super-easy, because I know that sometimes, a dark night of the soul hits your bank account and I want you to have the tools and experience the support you’ll get when you join the program.

I want you to go. From Darkness to Light.

Email me and let me know that you’re interested. No one but me will see the email.

I’ll open registration later this week.

I love you and want you to go from darkness to light. It’s possible. You don’t have to do it alone.

The $350 Blog

I'm not exaggerating. 

This blog is worth money! 

I've been so driven to making sustainable change in my life. You know what I mean. 

Not the sort of thing that lasts a few days or a week. 

Not the things I muscle my way through temporarily, only to go back to the old way of doing things. 

The things that transform my life. 

Change that lasts. 

As I've figured out how to do it and have coached my clients so they know how to do it, I thought, "this is big." 

Everyone wants to know how to make lasting change. 

We all get frustrated with going back to the same-old thing that didn't work before and isn't working now. 

So, I did two things. 

I created a free e-book with a worksheet called, The Five Secrets to Making Lasting Change.

And you're going to be the first to get it!! More on that in a minute. 

I also created a guided audio program, with private coaching included, called, One Big Change. 

I offered this program for the first time in January and people loved it! 

So I decided to offer it on a continuous basis. After you register, you get an email with a link to book your first private session and the audios will begin the Monday after you register. Easy peasy. 

You have something you want to change. Something that just isn't working in your life. We all have it. 

Give yourself the free gift of the e-book and worksheet, The Five Secrets to Making Lasting Change and then register for One Big Change

Let's get the ball rolling! 


Talk About it Tuesday: Did the cat get your tongue?

Have you ever struggled to speak your truth?

Is it easy for you to rock the boat and be disruptive when your truth isn’t popular with your friends, family, lover/spouse/partner, at work or even with a stranger?

For most of us, there’s a discomfort with owning and speaking our truth when we think it’s going to upset, disappoint or piss someone off!

Learning what your truth is, and having the courage to share it, will change your life.

In today’s Talk About it Tuesday episode, I’ve got a four-step process to help you transform the way you own and speak your truth.

I’ve also got a new program, One Big Change, that will teach you exactly how to use and apply these simple truths. Get the details here.  

There’s nothing more liberating than trusting yourself to know and speak your truth. I can’t wait to see how your life changes with this One Big Change.


Queen of Transitions

Yep, I'm the... Queen of Transitions

I’ve moved 13 times since I got married at the ripe old age of 18 years old!

I’ve left two marriages and one partner. It’s a hard thing, even when you know you need to do it. Each time, I was following the truth of who I am. It was liberating, empowering, scary and bold.

I have four children who are adults now, so you name it, I’ve done it. Four kids in seven years, that’s transition on steroids. One by one, I sent them to school, cried at their graduations, had an empty nest, married them off and had grandchildren.

I’ve had two successful business, that I sold.

I had a career in real estate.

Now, I have a coaching practice that I love!

Transition is a wake-up call to transformation

When transition knocks on our door, it’s our chance to look at life through a new lens.  

It’s time to decide:

No more…

  • Toxic relationships

  • Putting other’s needs above my own

  • Being underpaid and undervalued for my talents

  • Holding back my truth

Join me for my next Masterclass, Five Secrets to going from Confusion to Clarity so you can Level Up and be The Queen of Your Life and I’ll show you how.

I’ll give you the tools you need to Rock your transition and wear that Crown with authenticity. Check out all the details and sign up here.

xoxo,

Brenda


Talk about it Tuesday! Episode 2 - Emotional Transformation

This week on, “Talk About it Tuesday!” we discuss how changing the way you feel can transform your life.

In Episode 2, I discuss the importance of creating change that’s sustainable. So many of us focus on the instant gratification of short-term goals that we don’t consider how it effects us in the long run.

I’ll be talking about the four key elements that I use with my clients, to change our lives through our emotions.

Talk about it Tuesday!

I’m starting new video series titled, “Talk About it Tuesday!”

Each week I’ll discuss tools and methods for creating sustainable transformation in our work, relationships and lifestyle.

In Episode 1, I’m unpacking how to create sustainable change. It's easy to talk about needing to change. We all have areas of our lives where we want change. But, how do we really do it?

Today's video will show you the steps I use, in my life and with my clients, to begin the process of evolution. The process of sustainable change.

What if getting lost is a good thing?

I think we all feel lost at times. 

We lose ourselves in our kids, spouses, jobs and in the responsibility of caring for others. 

Sometimes we get lost in life transitions. We move, have a baby, the baby goes to school, the baby grows up and leaves home, we get divorced or widowed, we lose a job or a friend.

All of life's transitions create opportunities to lose ourselves. We get so wrapped up in other people, their needs, their wants, the tasks at hand to pack up our belongings or adjust to a new job and a new city, and in the process, you stop thinking about yourself. 

Then one day you wake up and realize, little by little, piece by piece, you've given yourself away and you're not sure why or how it happened. 

If you're in that place now, please know, you are not alone. We've all done it. And you can take yourself back. Find yourself again. One piece at a time. 

Here's the real shocker.

I think it's good when we lose ourselves. 

Seriously??

Yes. I think it means it's time to rebuild. To reexamine your perspective of who you are and what you want. 

Losing yourself is actually an opening. It's a chance to reevaluate what you want in your life. It's like your psyche is helping you wipe the slate clean.  

If you happen to be in that place now, where you feel lost, where you've forgotten what you like and what excites you, then stop for a moment and be grateful for the journey. Tell yourself that this feeling lost is a gift. It's allowing you to look at everything you do and every relationship in your life and ask a very important question, "Is this loving to me?" Then you pause and wait for the answer. 

The answers don't always come immediately. 

Give yourself time and space. Don't press or push for the answers. Be open to whatever comes. 

When the answer comes, don't argue with it. Be open to possibility. Be open to a new way. That's why life brings us to these places. To give us a chance to find a new way. Maybe the answer is, "I need more help with the kids (or aging parent or disabled spouse.)" Don't dismiss it and tell yourself you can't afford it. Take that answer seriously. 

Explore possibilities. Rearrange your budget. Find help through community services or local churches. Barter something you enjoy doing for child-care or housecleaning or whatever it is you need. You'd be surprised how well bartering for services works. 

Be willing to give up something you didn't think you could give up. I don't mean give up taking care of yourself, I mean, give up volunteering at school or church. Or, give up a community organization you're involved in. If it doesn't pass the test of, "is this loving to me?" then it needs to go. Maybe it doesn't go forever, but it needs to go for now. 

Life leads us towards life. 

It is part of our nature to be driven towards life. To grow, not shrink. To live, not die. To flourish, not stagnate. When we feel lost, when we see ourselves shrinking and stagnate, it's a sign. A sign we need to examine our lives and move towards what is loving to us. One tiny step at a time. Move towards love. 

No failure. Is that possible?

I don’t know about you, but I can be pretty hard on myself.

At least I used to be.

It is a habit I’m definitely breaking.

Will you join me?

There's no such thing as failure.

Think back to some of your most valuable lessons. They probably involved a failure. I know mine do.

Here are a few of mine.

I ended my first marriage. This was my high school sweetheart. We had four kids together. I had always been taught that divorce was wrong. There were plenty of people, at the time, who also told me I was wrong to leave. It definitely felt like a failure!

It was also the catalyst to my learning who I was and what I wanted in my life. I had always lived my life based on what other people wanted and needed. In fact, most of the time I didn’t know what I wanted or needed, I was so lost in everyone else’s needs and wants. Leaving my marriage was the beginning of an opening. It’s an opening I’m still exploring. Discovering and expressing the very best version of myself.

I had a terrible failure professionally once. It involved the classic blunder of sending an email to the wrong people with the wrong content. I won’t go into all the gory details, but it cost me my job. I was suddenly looking for a new job. That led me to a job that expanded my skills tremendously. The leadership training and coaching I do in my business today is a direct result of what I learned in that job.

Now let’s combine relationships and jobs. I failed at both at the same time. I was single and unemployed. But, this time, I’m a little wiser… and older… but I wasn’t going to let my age get to me. I followed my heart. I didn’t start applying for jobs because it didn’t feel peaceful, it felt full of anxiety and stress. So… I spent most of my savings. OK. All of my savings. But, I kept believing that I would get what I needed by the time I needed it. I believed my lesson in that transition was to trust myself and my inner wisdom/inner Divine to lead me to my ideal job.

She did. I got inspired to contact someone I had worked for previously about a project we had discussed but put on hold. This inspiration came to me “out of the blue.” I’ve learned to trust that sort of inspiration at this point in my life. They hired me to do the project and offered me a fantastic job on top of the project! Suddenly I went from spending that last of my savings to a 6-figure salary.

None of these apparent-failures were failures. They liberated me from something in my life that really wasn’t working anymore into my next highest level of growth. How can that possibly be a failure?

If you knew-- I mean absolutely knew-- that there is no failure, what would you do?

Tell me!

I know for me this new attitude gives me boldness and confidence as I grow my business. It gives me confidence in relationships and as I look forward to the next year. I’m working on a new program that I’m incredibly passionate about, and I’m creating a new niche in my coaching practice that’s going to knock your socks off!

Why would I do that? Why not play it safe? Because there is no failure! I’m going for it!  

Live Lavishly Light Episode #3

“It’s the journey, not the destination.”

That’s all well and good, as long as you’re not actually “wandering in the wilderness!”

Today’s Live Lavishly Light episode is about looking at whether we’re on a journey or going around in circles.

It can be a lot of work to change. It can be easier to talk about change, while actually doing the same thing over and over.

Let’s break the habit of going in circles, and journey on-- in love and light.