courage

What am I? Invisible?

I’ve often asked myself that question.

I spent much of my life with the feeling I wasn’t being seen or heard. Feeling invisible.

It’s human nature to want to be seen and heard. Your dislike of that feeling of being invisible is a good thing! The problem isn’t that we want to be seen and heard. The problem is either we aren’t communicating our truth and/or we’re hanging around with the wrong people.  

Know your truth

For some people this is easy. For me, it wasn’t. There have been plenty of times in my life where I didn’t have clarity on my own feelings, beliefs and what was true for me.

There were also plenty of times I knew what my truth was, I simply didn’t have the courage to speak it.

We can’t be seen and heard if we aren’t speaking our truth.

But, what if you speak your truth and others truly are not listening?

Find your tribe

We all need people in our lives who share our truths or at least understand them. These are the ones who ‘get us.’ These beautiful folks are in our tribe. They are the easiest people to be around.

We’re all challenged with people who don’t share our truths, who don’t get us. Let’s make one important distinction with this group.

There are people who don’t share our truth and don’t get us, but they don’t criticize us for being different than they are. They aren’t judging us or constantly trying to get us to change our truth. These are people we can be with on some level. There may not be a lot intimacy, due to the lack of shared values, but we can work with them and socialize with them without feeling diminished or dismissed.

Then there are those who are…

Not in your tribe

These are the folks it’s time to move away from. I mean that literally or emotionally. You don’t need everyone to see and hear you. But you need those who don’t, the people you feel invisible with, to be on the outer edges of your life, or not in your life at all.

You may work with these people. You may live with these people. These people may be in your families. They can be anywhere. What do you do?

Clean your tribal home

It may be time to make some hard decisions.

Start by making sure you’re telling your truth in love. That your talking about yourself, your needs, wants, beliefs and what is true for you, not blaming the other person. This is one of those times it’s all about you, kid!

Once your house is in order, you may need to evaluate whether you’re in alignment with your job and relationships in your life. You may need to leave some people and groups because they aren’t in your tribe. That can be difficult, but it seems to always pay off.

I am always surprised at the rush of energy I get when I break away from people and jobs or groups that are not in alignment with me. It doesn’t make them bad or wrong, just not what’s best for me.

Think of it like an archery target. The bull's eye is right in the center, and it’s small. That spot is for people you feel in total alignment with, but it’s a small space because we don’t usually have more than a couple of those at a time in our lives. Then the circles move outward. A little farther away from you, until you get to that outer edge. Those folks are so far away from you, you hardly notice them.

Your tribe is inside or near near the bull's eye, then you move out from there. Keep the people who don’t see and hear you on that outer edge.

When we surround ourselves with people who see and hear us, we live lavishly!

Not enough courage to say no to a holiday invitation?

What if that invitation is from your family? Do you ever feel like you don't have enough courage?

It's day three of 12 Days of Enough. 

I know so many people who spend time with their families, or go to a party, or any number of invitations we get at the holidays, out of obligation. They don't want to go. They feel like they have to go. They feel like they do not have enough courage to say no. 

Here's my Lifestyle Advice: Maya Angelou said, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.”

How do we cultivate courage?

Small steps. First, with yourself. Admit to yourself that being with your family (or another invitation) at the holidays is not right for you. Don’t stop there.

If you want to move towards courage you have to be painfully honest with yourself first. Dig deep. Articulate why. Find the important reasons. Not “I don’t like my mom’s cooking.”  Though you may not, that’s probably not a deal breaker.

Sometimes we confuse courage with rebellion

Rebellion says, ‘Hell no. I’m not going.” You either get over the rebellion and go, or you stay home for the wrong reasons.

Don’t get me wrong. Rebellion has its place. Sometimes it actually helps me get to courage.

Don’t get stuck in rebellion. Find your truth

Truth feels peaceful. It might be difficult, but there’s a peaceful understanding in your soul that this is the best thing for you.

Once you have that, courage is usually right there, ready and waiting for you.

If you aren’t there, get some support. A friend, therapist, or life coach. Someone who can help you find that place of peaceful truth and find your voice to live in alignment with your truth.

We all deserve to live in alignment with our truth. Even when it’s inconvenient. Even when it's the holidays. 

Your courage is in you. You might just need a little help uncovering it.

You are courageous enough! 

Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them.