desire

Now What?

Last Thursday I asked if you knew what you wanted.

Hopefully, you shared what you want in the comments on Thursday. If not, feel free to share it here.

Now, let’s go from dreaming to scheming!

Scheming

If you have a dream that you’ve been telling yourself isn’t possible or that you don’t have enough time, enough money or any number of other stories your mind might have come up with, then you don’t spend time scheming about how it might be possible.

The enemy of possibility is dismissal.

As soon as we dismiss a dream, desire or yearning, we’ve killed it.

Like stomping on a bug, dismissal takes what’s possible and smashes it.

I’m going to ask you to be brave enough to believe in possibilities. We can’t scheme without some tiny corner of our mind thinking it’s possible.

Ready. Set. Go!

Think of your dream as a new playmate. It’s time to get to know each other. To play. To be curious. To open yourself up.

Instead of a bug that needs squashing, this is your new best friend.

What can you do for her? What would you like to do to please her? To get to know her? How can you spend time with her?

This strategy works with dreams of all sizes. Maybe you’re overwhelmed with work or kids or aging parents or any number of things and your dream is to spend a few hours alone. It may feel impossible. It may feel selfish. It isn’t.

It’s your dream because it is important. If Coco Chanel hadn’t gotten so tired of wearing uncomfortable clothes, she wouldn’t have designed pants for women. Thank goodness she was “selfish” enough to do that!

Love yourself enough to scheme about your dreams.

Let’s go back to the dream of a few hours alone. As impossible as your thoughts may tell you it is, start scheming. Get a girlfriend to help. As they say, “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Get a babysitter. Barter with a friend to swap kids, ask for help from a friend or family member.

Love yourself enough to take what you want seriously.

For the bigger dreams like starting a business, taking a trip to a far-off land, going back to school for a degree, writing a book or becoming an actor, its’ the same process. Get to know your dream. What does she need? What would please her? What does she like to do for fun?

Break it down. Don’t worry about doing anything yet. This is all about scheming. Brainstorm with yourself and trusted friends how you might be able to take steps toward your dream.

Love yourself enough.

We need your dreams to come true, from taking a few hours for self-care to writing that book or taking that trip. We need your dreams the way we needed Coco to get sick of her corset and design beautiful pants for women!

What do you want?

It’s not a trick question.

If you took off the limits.

If you had the money.

If you had the time.

If you stopped judging it as impossible.

Do you know what you want?

We often think in terms of what we DON'T want. Enough already!

I want to hear about what you want.

What inspires you? What lights you up?

It doesn't have to make sense. You don't need to know how to do it. 

What would you stay up late, or get up early to do?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get to the end of my life wondering if I lived it to the fullest.  I want to “suck all the marrow out of life.” I don’t want to miss anything.

I want to hear about what you want. The sky's the limit. Shock me. Wow me. Inspire me. Make me think. 

Tell me what you want in the comments below. Just writing it down might spark some magic around making it come true.

Be brave. Tell me.

You're really just too much!

Moving too fast. Doing too much. Wanting too much. Risking too much. Too much.

Guilty as charged!  

Maybe you can relate to this. Since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to do a lot, see a lot, laugh a lot, be too loud, and live an exciting life. As you might guess, that got me in a little bit of trouble from time-to-time when I was young. As an adult, it’s gotten me into lots of trouble! I can’t tell you how many times people have told me, in one way or another, that I am too much. Sometimes they mean it admirably, sometimes, not so much.

I tend to move fast, make changes frequently, and take a lot of risks.

What do I mean? I’ve had two businesses that I sold, and third that I’m in the process of growing. I’ve left dream jobs to follow a different dream. I’ve moved. Holy smokes have I moved. I moved my family (3 teenagers, one in elementary school) from their home in NC to PA. Since then I’ve moved in PA nine times, once I make my next move in a few weeks. I’ve left two marriages and one significant relationship. I put all my belongings in storage and went to San Diego for eight months to recover from a break-up and decide who I wanted to be when I grew up. I was 53. Am I a flake?

A friend once described me as someone who jumps out of an airplane without knowing if I have a parachute, believing I’ve either got one or somehow I’ll find one on my way down. I’ve had friends imply that I leave relationships too quickly. Reminding me that all relationships have their rough patches and I leave before my partner and I can get past that. I know I’ve given my mother, my friends, and maybe my adult children, a few sleepless nights with this adventurous life I’ve led.

What would I change?

Nothing. Not one damn thing. Was some of it painful? Sure. Was some of it scary? Hell yes.

But here’s the interesting thing I recently realized.

Even with the wisdom of hindsight, there’s not one relationship I wish I had stayed in longer.

There’s not one job I wish I hadn’t left.

There’s not one risk I wish I hadn’t taken.

No regrets.

I love how fast I move

I love that I take risks. I love that I leave when I know in my gut that the job or the business or the relationship isn’t working. I don’t waste time on things that don’t work.

I know it’s not the life that everyone wants, that’s okay too. But it’s the life I want.

A very good friend said recently, “you won’t stop until there’s a tombstone over you.” He was right. The older I get, the more I challenge my pre-conceived ideas of what’s possible after 50. After 60. After 70…I don’t want to stop. Slow down. Quit risking. Quit loving. Quit growing.

Can you relate?

What do you like, or how do you live in ways that are outside of the ordinary? Ways that might invite criticism or disbelief from others? I’d love to hear how you might be considered "too much."

I hope you’ll continue with me in the journey of being too much! I don’t plan on stopping and I hope you won’t either!