live lavishly


“I am, because of you.” Ubuntu is a Zulu word. I found several variations on the definition. All the variations speak to this idea of humanity and connection.

One of my favorite TEDTalks speaks to the dynamic of Ubunto. Boyd Varty lives in South Africa. His family has been running a safari business and restoring their land back to it’s natural state for four generations. (We’ve been talking a lot about dreams lately and I can tell you, one of my dreams is to go to their game reserve, Londolozi.)

I am, because of you.

This is why the things we do matter.

This is why our dreams matter.

This is why it’s so important for me to Live Lavishly.

Everything I put out into the world has a ripple effect.

Everything you put out into the world has a ripple effect.

What kind of effect are we creating?

We create this effect on others all day, every day.

Do you greet the day, your family, your co-workers, the dry cleaner, grocery store clerk, or customer service representative with a smile? With a frown? As silly as it may sound, it matters.

How many times have you been cheered up because of a random stranger or an unexpectedly cheerful co-worker?

We all have so much more power than we imagine.

You have the power to have an effect on your family, friends, co-worker and even strangers.

An act of kindness.

An act of generosity.

An act of compassion.

An act of love.

What will you do today to demonstrate the concept of Ubuntu? Being the person, you would want someone else to be. Generous, friendly, compassionate, loving.

Tell me all about it! I can’t wait to hear what you did today!

Live Lavishly Light Episode #14

I am loving Netflix's Queer Eye reboot! It is all about transformation.

Transformation is an ongoing journey in our lives. Maybe you're stuck, maybe you're ignoring something small like that messy junk drawer or your lack of exercise.

Let's choose one thing to begin transforming this week.

Live Lavishly, xoxo Brenda




I’m obsessed with personal growth!

Seriously, I don’t ever want to stop.

As soon as I see a pattern or habit that limits me or doesn’t serve me anymore, I’ll do whatever it takes to break the habit, dis-empower the limiting belief, slay whatever it is.

Whatever it takes, from therapy, to coaching, reading books, going to workshops and retreats. I’m relentless. For me, once I see it, I can’t go back to pretending I don’t know it’s there. Limiting me. Keeping me from being the highest expression of myself possible.

Why do I do it?

Freedom. Liberation. Transformation. I want nothing less than these. To be liberated to my own wisdom. To be transformed into a higher expression of myself. Living in the freedom that comes from knowing who I am, that I’m a unique spark of the Divine. That there are infinite possibilities.

What do you want?

Do you want freedom? Do you want to be liberated to your best self? To be transformed? To live as the highest expression of yourself?

What project would you start? What book would you write? What business would you start or expand? How would you change the world?

The calling of a life coach

This is why I love being a coach. I love being part of a person’s process. Facilitating the liberation. Facilitating the transformation. It’s the most exciting thing I can imagine!

It’s what motivates me to write to you three times a week. It inspired me to create an online program, Enough Already. It’s what makes me happy to get up early or work late to meet with a client.

It’s also what motivates me to keep looking at my own life. Examining where I’m selling myself short. Where I’m diminishing myself and what’s possible.

I’m sure some people look at me and think it’s exhausting. I know my ex-husbands interpreted it as discontent. As if I’m never happy with what I have. That’s not it at all. I just don’t believe in stopping. I want to keep going. Keep growing. Imagining the joy of the next breakthrough.

This is the essence of what it means to me to live lavishly. Do I love the luxuries of life? Yes. I love living lavishly in those ways too, but what does that matter if my soul isn’t living lavishly? Living lavishly is all about liberating yourself from the things that hold you back. Nothing short of lavish transformation and freedom!

Thank you for being with me on the journey to Live Lavishly!

What about disappointment?

What do we do and how do we recover from disappointment?

I think disappointment recovery, or resilience as I think of it, is a skill. It’s like a muscle that you can strengthen, even if yours is really weak.

What do I mean by resilience? It’s the ability to recover, to return to emotional balance, after something upsetting has happened.

If someone cuts you off on your way to work, are you still talking about it at lunch? At dinner? The next day. OK. Hopefully, you’re not still talking about it the next day, but do you even want to carry it with you until lunch?

Then there are more serious disappointments or distressing events. A car accident, getting fired or being laid off. Having someone close to you get sick. Canceling vacation because of a hurricane or family emergency.

Life is full of disappointment. While I’m not advocating a by-pass of your feelings, I am saying there is a difference between the feelings triggered by an event and recovering to a normal state of emotional balance.

Think of a spectrum this way, something happens to me this morning and I’m angry. Nothing wrong with being angry. No emotion is wrong. I’m angry. If I carry that anger with me till lunch, someone at work may ask what’s wrong and comment that I’m in a bad mood. If I come to work tomorrow and I’m still cranky and angry, you could say I’ve had a bad couple of days. If I’m cranky and angry a week later, now I’m forming a personality. It’s just a feeling that doesn’t get processed and let go of.

When we are resilient, we feel our feelings and then go to our tool box of how to restore our energetic and emotional state back to balance. Think of emotions/feelings as energy in motion. They need to go somewhere. They are meant to be in motion. If we bottle them up, hold onto them, or hold them in, they can’t move. They are, quite literally, stuck.

How can you get out of being stuck in our emotions?

There are many ways and each of us needs to find what works best for us, but I’ll give you some good things to try.

  1. Spend enough time with yourself to know how you are feeling and be specific. I love teaching emotional intelligence and often refer to the book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. In the book there is a list of emotions. They report that only 36% of people can identify how they feel as they feel it. If we can identify how we feel, we tend to pick on of the easy ones, happy, sad, mad or glad. I encourage you to go deeper. Bradbury and Greaves list approximately 20 different emotions in the sad category. The same with angry, even happy. Knowing where you are on the spectrum of a feeling can help process it. Information is often power.

  2. Journal about how you feel. Journaling can help you figure out how you feel if you’re struggling with number one. There’s something magical about the act of writing it down. I do this the old-fashioned way with paper and pen. I suppose a computer could work, but only if you get the cathartic release that you get writing something by hand, by typing into your computer. It’s a freaking miracle how many times I sit down with my journal, confused or emotionally stirred up and the simple act of writing it out gives me clarity or processes the emotion in a way that I’ve recovered to balance by the time I’m done. It’s really a miraculous tool. Try it if you haven’t. Give it a chance if you aren’t sure.

  3. Get your body in motion. Emotions are energy in motion and getting your body in motion will often facilitate them moving along. It really is like a river that has gotten dammed up by rocks, so the water is stuck. It’s pooling and may even start attracting mosquitoes and algae. Moving your body is the equivalent of moving the rocks so the water can go on it’s merry way.

  4. Always be compassionate and loving to yourself. Even if it’s three days later and you’re still pissed about that guy who cut you off on your way to work…. something else is going on. That experience has triggered something that you haven’t been paying attention to. Treat yourself the way you would a wounded or frightened child or animal. Be kind. Be gentle. Ask easy questions. Provide a comforting atmosphere. Drink water. Wrap up in a blanket. Give yourself the time and ask, “What is this feeling really about? What have I been ignoring that it wants me to see?”

Everything that happens to us, every disappointment, everything we feel, is ultimately there FOR our good. To support us in expressing the highest version of ourselves that is possible, in that moment. If we’re rushing about or yelling at ourselves, literally or figuratively, we’re not able to learn. We aren’t receptive to the lesson.

Give yourself a big hug, love on yourself and be with yourself. The answers will come.

I’d love to hear what helps you when you’ve been disappointed. Have you tried the tools I’ve suggested or do you have great ones of your own that work? Let us know in the comments below.

Taking care of ourselves, learning how to recover from life’s disappointments and return to balance is living lavishly!

What is your definition of success?

The definition of success is different for everyone. 

Have you taken the time to write down what it means to you? 

Today's video will help you with your definition of success. And not just the accomplishments or things we label as what will make us successful, but the feeling states! 

Curious about the power of feeling states, or even what the hell they are?

Check out today's video. I'll share my definition of success and what my feeling states are to help guide the way. 

Then tell me your definition and feeling states of success, in the comments below. 

Live Lavishly! 

Are your best years behind you, or ahead of you?

I celebrated my birthday last week. It was wonderful being surrounded by friends (most of my family is a little too far away).

A few years ago, a friend and I were talking and we realized that he tended to feel his best years were behind him, which made me realize, I always think my best years are ahead of me! 

It changes everything. When you believe the best is yet to come. That there's always more to explore, expand and open up to. 

I did lose my way a couple of years ago and I began to feel my best years were behind me. I'll share that story with you in today's video and challenge you to imagine your life as becoming better. More than it is now. 

Because that, my friend, is Living Lavishly! 

Ever Feel Not Smart Enough?

I have been there. Oh, I have been there! I'm going to share with you my journey of not feeling smart enough.

This is real. I'm going to be vulnerable.

I hope to inspire and empower you with tools to slay this "not enough" dragon!

If you haven't yet, sign up to be an Enough Already Insider right away, here: