mindset

On a Scale of Zero to Freaked Out! Where are you?

It’s easy to be freaked out!

From politics and global warning, to our careers and families, to our personal wants and dreams.

What do you do when you’re freaked out?

  • Do you shop too much?
  • Drink too much?
  • Over-eat?
  • Deprive yourself?
  • Lose sleep?
  • Get angry?
  • Compulsively busy yourself with distractions?
  • Slip into denial?
  • “Awfulize” (Imagine the worst possible outcome and feeling as if the terrible outcome has occurred, even though it hasn’t happened.)

What if there’s another way?

Can we approach our most difficult challenges with poise, power, purpose and even, pleasure?

I’m here to tell you, it’s possible.

I’m a big fan of poise, power and purpose. But today…let’s focus on pleasure.

Pleasure Power.

Is that even a thing? Pleasure Power?

I assure you it is.

Pleasure can change your life.

Not matter how awful it is. No matter how freaked out you are. Pleasure has power in it. The power to shift your mindset and even, open a door.

Let me tell you a story. Recently, I was totally freaked out! I had a very difficult situation ahead of me. It was real. This was not a challenge in my imagination, it was real and barreling down on me.

These are the times when I know I need to put my own coaching skills to the test. What’s the point of being a coach if I’m not practicing what I preach?

I stopped my dizzying mind and asked, “What would give me pleasure right now?” Let me say that even asking the question takes some preparation. You see, if you’re in your dizzying mind when you ask that question you may get an answer like, “Drink a shaker full of Cosmos!” or “Get on Nordstrom.com and buy some new shoes!” (I have clearly just revealed two of my weaknesses!)

First, stop the dizzying mind. Take some slow, intentional breaths. The breath is the fastest way to begin to change your mind and body chemistry. Slow down. Breathe. Then ask, “How can I give myself pleasure right now?”

It’s important that you think of something that can be done immediately. You’re breaking the freak-out pattern, so “book a massage for next week,” won’t help. We want an immediate interruption to move from freaking out to pleasure.

For me it was simple. A hot bath, lavender Epsom salts and ____________. (Put your “adult” thinking cap on to fill in the blank, I don’t want to go all TMI with you!)

When I got out of the tub, I felt different. Allowing my body to experience pleasure had given me the mind shift I needed to go from awfulizing and being freaked-out to the reality that there are infinite possibilities when I’m poised and open enough to become aware of them.

When we tap into our pleasure power, we tap into possibility. We ask smart questions. We ask for help if we need it. We aren’t freaked out.

How will you tap into your pleasure power today?

What kind of a question is that?

Life is all about the questions we ask.

Think about it.

No matter what the issue, the way we ask the question sets the stage for what answers will emerge.

Take for example, you have a money challenge. Maybe you have a money crisis.

You can ask, “How in the world am I going to have enough money to pay my bills (or go on vacation or buy something I want/need)?"

What answers will emerge from that question? Probably nothing helpful. Things like, “It’s not possible. I’ll never make enough, never have enough to do what I want, never pay my bills.”

Why is that? It’s because we’re asking the question from the same mindset that created the challenge in the first place. We’ve gotten ourselves to the point that we don’t have enough to pay our bills or go on vacation or anything else we want. (Trust me, I have no judgement about that. Been there, done that with money.) But here’s the deal, the mindset that created that crisis can’t solve it.

Why mindset matters

We all have our normal ways of looking at things. Normal reactions, normal behaviors. They are patterns, or habits, we’ve adopted for how we think, the feelings we have and the way we react to challenges.

Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem from the mindset that created it.” When we ask questions like, “How am I going to do that?” all we do is tap into that habitual mindset--the one we have without any effort, without even thinking about.

Changing our mindset.

How do we shift into a new mindset so that we can solve a problem or challenge? Ask a better question. Let’s try it.

Back to our challenge of not enough money at the end of the month. Or not enough money for vacation, a new car, braces for the kids, whatever it is. What if we asked, “What would be a fun way I could make some extra money?” or “What would be a painless and easy way to save money over the next few weeks?”

Can you feel the difference? “What would be a fun way to solve this problem?” has a lot more possibility in it than, “How can I solve the problem?” “How can I solve the problem?” has a bit of a victim tone to it. It almost assumes you can’t. Asking, “What would be a fun way to solve the problem?” assumes there’s a solution. We’re just looking for the one that is the most fun.

Empower yourself with your questions.

What is your current challenge and what question you are asking yourself?

Is it an empowering question that presumes multiple possibilities? Or is a question that takes you back to the mindset that created the problem? Or a question that puts you in a victim position?

Here are few examples of empowering questions I like to ask myself when I’m challenged.

·         What can I do to bring ease and peace into this situation?

·         What would a woman in love with herself do?

·         What would be a fun way to solve this problem?

·         What change can I make, right now, to improve the situation?

·         What possibilities can I find that will be aligned with the highest expression of myself?

·         How can I be of service in this situation?

·         What possibilities am I missing? (This is a great time to phone a friend and brainstorm with them.)

·         How is this situation benefiting me? (Or how is it for my good?)

Think about the challenges you are facing right now.

What are the questions you’re asking yourself?

How can you turn them into empowering questions?

Stump the coach

If you’re stuck and can’t find an empowering question, I’d love to help. Put your question in the comments below and I’ll help you come up with a new question.