self-care

On a Scale of Zero to Freaked Out! Where are you?

It’s easy to be freaked out!

From politics and global warning, to our careers and families, to our personal wants and dreams.

What do you do when you’re freaked out?

  • Do you shop too much?
  • Drink too much?
  • Over-eat?
  • Deprive yourself?
  • Lose sleep?
  • Get angry?
  • Compulsively busy yourself with distractions?
  • Slip into denial?
  • “Awfulize” (Imagine the worst possible outcome and feeling as if the terrible outcome has occurred, even though it hasn’t happened.)

What if there’s another way?

Can we approach our most difficult challenges with poise, power, purpose and even, pleasure?

I’m here to tell you, it’s possible.

I’m a big fan of poise, power and purpose. But today…let’s focus on pleasure.

Pleasure Power.

Is that even a thing? Pleasure Power?

I assure you it is.

Pleasure can change your life.

Not matter how awful it is. No matter how freaked out you are. Pleasure has power in it. The power to shift your mindset and even, open a door.

Let me tell you a story. Recently, I was totally freaked out! I had a very difficult situation ahead of me. It was real. This was not a challenge in my imagination, it was real and barreling down on me.

These are the times when I know I need to put my own coaching skills to the test. What’s the point of being a coach if I’m not practicing what I preach?

I stopped my dizzying mind and asked, “What would give me pleasure right now?” Let me say that even asking the question takes some preparation. You see, if you’re in your dizzying mind when you ask that question you may get an answer like, “Drink a shaker full of Cosmos!” or “Get on Nordstrom.com and buy some new shoes!” (I have clearly just revealed two of my weaknesses!)

First, stop the dizzying mind. Take some slow, intentional breaths. The breath is the fastest way to begin to change your mind and body chemistry. Slow down. Breathe. Then ask, “How can I give myself pleasure right now?”

It’s important that you think of something that can be done immediately. You’re breaking the freak-out pattern, so “book a massage for next week,” won’t help. We want an immediate interruption to move from freaking out to pleasure.

For me it was simple. A hot bath, lavender Epsom salts and ____________. (Put your “adult” thinking cap on to fill in the blank, I don’t want to go all TMI with you!)

When I got out of the tub, I felt different. Allowing my body to experience pleasure had given me the mind shift I needed to go from awfulizing and being freaked-out to the reality that there are infinite possibilities when I’m poised and open enough to become aware of them.

When we tap into our pleasure power, we tap into possibility. We ask smart questions. We ask for help if we need it. We aren’t freaked out.

How will you tap into your pleasure power today?

What am I? Invisible?

I’ve often asked myself that question.

I spent much of my life with the feeling I wasn’t being seen or heard. Feeling invisible.

It’s human nature to want to be seen and heard. Your dislike of that feeling of being invisible is a good thing! The problem isn’t that we want to be seen and heard. The problem is either we aren’t communicating our truth and/or we’re hanging around with the wrong people.  

Know your truth

For some people this is easy. For me, it wasn’t. There have been plenty of times in my life where I didn’t have clarity on my own feelings, beliefs and what was true for me.

There were also plenty of times I knew what my truth was, I simply didn’t have the courage to speak it.

We can’t be seen and heard if we aren’t speaking our truth.

But, what if you speak your truth and others truly are not listening?

Find your tribe

We all need people in our lives who share our truths or at least understand them. These are the ones who ‘get us.’ These beautiful folks are in our tribe. They are the easiest people to be around.

We’re all challenged with people who don’t share our truths, who don’t get us. Let’s make one important distinction with this group.

There are people who don’t share our truth and don’t get us, but they don’t criticize us for being different than they are. They aren’t judging us or constantly trying to get us to change our truth. These are people we can be with on some level. There may not be a lot intimacy, due to the lack of shared values, but we can work with them and socialize with them without feeling diminished or dismissed.

Then there are those who are…

Not in your tribe

These are the folks it’s time to move away from. I mean that literally or emotionally. You don’t need everyone to see and hear you. But you need those who don’t, the people you feel invisible with, to be on the outer edges of your life, or not in your life at all.

You may work with these people. You may live with these people. These people may be in your families. They can be anywhere. What do you do?

Clean your tribal home

It may be time to make some hard decisions.

Start by making sure you’re telling your truth in love. That your talking about yourself, your needs, wants, beliefs and what is true for you, not blaming the other person. This is one of those times it’s all about you, kid!

Once your house is in order, you may need to evaluate whether you’re in alignment with your job and relationships in your life. You may need to leave some people and groups because they aren’t in your tribe. That can be difficult, but it seems to always pay off.

I am always surprised at the rush of energy I get when I break away from people and jobs or groups that are not in alignment with me. It doesn’t make them bad or wrong, just not what’s best for me.

Think of it like an archery target. The bull's eye is right in the center, and it’s small. That spot is for people you feel in total alignment with, but it’s a small space because we don’t usually have more than a couple of those at a time in our lives. Then the circles move outward. A little farther away from you, until you get to that outer edge. Those folks are so far away from you, you hardly notice them.

Your tribe is inside or near near the bull's eye, then you move out from there. Keep the people who don’t see and hear you on that outer edge.

When we surround ourselves with people who see and hear us, we live lavishly!