self-love

Now What?

Last Thursday I asked if you knew what you wanted.

Hopefully, you shared what you want in the comments on Thursday. If not, feel free to share it here.

Now, let’s go from dreaming to scheming!

Scheming

If you have a dream that you’ve been telling yourself isn’t possible or that you don’t have enough time, enough money or any number of other stories your mind might have come up with, then you don’t spend time scheming about how it might be possible.

The enemy of possibility is dismissal.

As soon as we dismiss a dream, desire or yearning, we’ve killed it.

Like stomping on a bug, dismissal takes what’s possible and smashes it.

I’m going to ask you to be brave enough to believe in possibilities. We can’t scheme without some tiny corner of our mind thinking it’s possible.

Ready. Set. Go!

Think of your dream as a new playmate. It’s time to get to know each other. To play. To be curious. To open yourself up.

Instead of a bug that needs squashing, this is your new best friend.

What can you do for her? What would you like to do to please her? To get to know her? How can you spend time with her?

This strategy works with dreams of all sizes. Maybe you’re overwhelmed with work or kids or aging parents or any number of things and your dream is to spend a few hours alone. It may feel impossible. It may feel selfish. It isn’t.

It’s your dream because it is important. If Coco Chanel hadn’t gotten so tired of wearing uncomfortable clothes, she wouldn’t have designed pants for women. Thank goodness she was “selfish” enough to do that!

Love yourself enough to scheme about your dreams.

Let’s go back to the dream of a few hours alone. As impossible as your thoughts may tell you it is, start scheming. Get a girlfriend to help. As they say, “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Get a babysitter. Barter with a friend to swap kids, ask for help from a friend or family member.

Love yourself enough to take what you want seriously.

For the bigger dreams like starting a business, taking a trip to a far-off land, going back to school for a degree, writing a book or becoming an actor, its’ the same process. Get to know your dream. What does she need? What would please her? What does she like to do for fun?

Break it down. Don’t worry about doing anything yet. This is all about scheming. Brainstorm with yourself and trusted friends how you might be able to take steps toward your dream.

Love yourself enough.

We need your dreams to come true, from taking a few hours for self-care to writing that book or taking that trip. We need your dreams the way we needed Coco to get sick of her corset and design beautiful pants for women!

Enough Already!

We’ve got everything we need.

Is that hard to believe sometimes?

It’s easy to get sucked into the vortex of self-criticism and self-doubt. Once we do, our minds are experts at showing us, or reminding us of, all the evidence to prove our negative self-talk is true. And, oh my, how skilled the mind is at this. It will even distort something just to prove itself right!

What do we do? How do we stop the cycle?

We have to interrupt the pattern. Interrupt the habit.

You see, I’ve come to realize negative self-talk and criticism are just habits. Like a habit of brushing your teeth. You do it without really thinking about it. You just do it.

In this case we want to stop doing it.

Try this: before going to sleep, take a moment to replay the day. Where did you succumb to the habit of self-criticism and negative self-talk? I like to have my journal handy so I can jot them down. Notice what triggered you into negativity. Notice how you behaved.

I use the word “notice” on purpose. Don’t use this replay to dive back into negative self-talk and criticism. Like a loving friend, simply notice what triggered you. It’s okay. We all get triggered.

Break the habit.

Now, revisit the exact same scenario. The same thing happens, but you don’t slip into negative self-talk and criticism. In fact, you imagine yourself feeling confident and able to handle whatever came up. From this frame of mind, replay the scenario and imagine yourself doing it differently. What would you say? What would you do? How would it feel?

You won’t be able to break the habit without imagining yourself without the habit. The person you will be when you aren’t criticizing yourself. Who will you be? Imagine it.

When you wake up the next day, take a few minutes to get the image of yourself without the negative self-talk and set an intention to bring the new you into your day. The more often you do this, the more you break the habit of the old self.

You’re simply practicing being the new you. It takes practice. You won’t do it perfectly, and that’s okay. It takes time to break a habit. Love yourself through the process.

Live Lavishly through self-love and practicing being the best version of yourself.