When was the last time you had fun?

I noticed last week, I haven’t been having enough fun! 

There have been good “reasons” for it. Maybe you’ve got “good reasons” too. Here are mine:.

• I’ve had the shingles for over two months so my body is NOT  feeling 100%. They are almost healed, but my energy is low along with my motivation.

• My mom is 89 and has suddenly started declining… quickly! So, that’s been a mental/emotional challenge as well as helping my sister figure out what we need to do for her care. 

• There’s been drama with my adult kids and their lives. Some of it good, a relative getting engaged… so sweet, my son running an Ultra Trail Run (37 miles! Good grief!)! Some of it not so good! A remodel job gone wrong, a roof leak in the middle of the night, a trip to the ER in the middle of the night, injuries to a wrist and calf… 

Basically, life. 

It’s easy to stop having fun when too much life happens. 

Here’s my promise to you, now that I see it, I’m going to change it. 

That’s what I help clients do, so right now, I’m practicing what I preach. 

I took a boat trip with my son, daughter-in-law and the newly engaged love birds on Friday! It was soooo fun! I love being on a boat out on the water! And to do it with my family is extra special. 

I scheduled a pedicure and I’m making sure I get to the beach several times a week. And, I ordered some water color paints because I really want to start painting!

I’ll be posting more fun stuff on IG because I realized, since I wasn’t having much fun, my IG feed looks very “businessy” as if all I do is coach! 

Time to reacquaint myself, and you, with ALL of who I am, including the fun parts!!! 

What can you do for fun today, or this week? 

Tell me about it! Post it on IG and tag me! Let’s be on a mission to add more fun to our lives!! 

What is Self-Care?

There is no single definition of self-care, but it is often described as performing a series of actions to improve your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. The subject of self-care is a very broad one, and it certainly means something tremendously different to each and every individual. self-care is indeed much more than these things, and there really is no right or wrong way to indulge in this practice as long as it is something that helps to bring you joy and makes you feel mentally and physically refreshed, 

But what do you think Self care really is? 

In Today’s Episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser, I’m gonna share Some examples of what Self care is for me, not only that, but I’m also going to dig deeper and answer some very important questions:

- What does self-care really mean?

- Why is self-care important? 

- How to differentiate between self-care & pleasure?

Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Is it time to spice up your relationship with pleasure?

Sex is a beautiful way to express your love and affection to someone you love. It’s also a great way to release stress and dramatically change your mood. 

But, Have you ever felt like you want to be intimate with your partner, but your body doesn’t seem to be coming to the party? I think it’s probably happened to all of us.

Sex can feel like such a confusing and complicated topic, that many of us avoid it. Today, we’re looking at things with our eyes wide open! 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep & discuss this topic with my guest, Liz Dube. Liz  is an expert on sex & intimacy. She speak to groups and blog regularly on the topic of sex and relationships

 What you will discover:

- What does a sex therapist do?

- How to Ignite Your Sexual Desire?

- How to deal with the lack of sexual desire, satisfaction, or confidence?

- How to stop being in the pleaser-mode while having Sex?

And much more… Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

How Can Pleasure Can be a Litmus Test?

Do you use pleasure as a litmus test? 

You may think that is a crazy question! 

In the world I grew up in there was a sort-of “nobility” placed on suffering and definite suspicion about anything around pleasure!

No one openly talked about pleasure. 

Even sex wasn’t talked about in the context of pleasure. It’s as if you should keep it to yourself if you were experiencing pleasure with sex. 

Anybody with me?? Comment down below and tell me if anyone you grew up with talked about pleasure!? 

As I’ve grown spiritually, I’ve begun to understand the true role of pleasure as a tool for guidance.

Yes, I’ve just used the words, spiritually, pleasure and guidance in the same sentence! 

I have come to know and experience that we are, I am, you are - designed for pleasure. 

When it’s time to make a decision, a great way to know what to do, is to ask, “does this feel like pleasure or pain?” 

I’ve learned the hard way sometimes, to move towards pleasure. 

Sure, the pain decision is sometimes more socially accepted. We live in a time that thrives on fear, pain, suffering, anxiety and things being “hard.” 

But, pleasure… that takes me into my unique self-expression. 

Pleasure leads me into authentic power. 

Pleasure moves me towards “scared-cited.” A lovely phrase for when you’re stretching outside of your comfort zone and into your next evolution. 

I hope you’ll join me for a Club and a Room I’ve recently started in Clubhouse. I apologize in advance for android users who can’t join. It wasn’t my idea to make it an Apple only platform, but alas… it is. 

The Club is, Sex+Pleasure+Freedom and the Room is, Sex as a Gateway to Awakening, which meets every Wednesday at 12:30 pm Pacific time. 

Follow me in Clubhouse, after setting up your profile and I’ll follow you too. 

Join the Sex+Pleasure+Freedom Club here: https://www.joinclubhouse.com/club/sex-pleasure-freedom

Join me for the Room Sex as a Gateway to Awakening on Weds. at 12:30 pm Pacific  here: https://www.joinclubhouse.com/event/mWOlVAn8

If you aren’t in Clubhouse, let me know with your reply that this topic interests you. I am super passionate about this topic and would gladly coach or create a program for it! 

Can You Be a People Pleaser in the Bedroom?

One of the tell-tale signs of people pleasing, when it’s not one of our super-powers, is that we aren’t really clear on what it is that we want. 

We get so wrapped up in what we think other people want and need, we can lose track of our own wants and needs. 

That can be disastrous in the bedroom. Trust me, I know. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I share a very personal story of my journey from being sexually abused as a kid and thinking I was frigid in my marriage to liberating myself to a fun and pleasurable life in the bedroom! 

If I can do it, so can you. 

I’ve got the first step for you in today’s episode. Listen to it HERE. 

Please DM me or email me if you need support in this area. You do not need to figure it out alone. I’m here as your guide on the journey. 

In love and pleasure, 

Brenda

People Pleasing in the Bedroom 🙄

It’s time to talk about how people pleasing affects us in the bedroom. 

This is a subject near and dear to my heart, because I’ve lived through sexual abuse as a child and a truly disfunctional sex life in my first marriage. 

When that marriage was over one of my most prevailing thoughts, even though I had four kids from 8 - 15 years old that I needed to support on my own when I didn’t make enough money to do that… was, yay! I never have to have sex again! 

I know. Hard to believe! 

This is a big topic that I can’t do justice to in one blog, but let’s start the conversation. 

When we are in our people pleasing habits that keep us prioritizing our partners wants, needs, feelings, likes and dislikes, we can’t be in our authentic power. When we aren’t in our authentic power, we can’t be authentic lovers. 

We can have sex. We can say yes, when we want to say no. We can tell ourselves it’s what’s expected of a good wife/husband. (Yes, ladies, there are plenty of men who are people pleasers in and out of the bedroom and it doesn’t serve them any more than it does us.) We can go through the motions, but the best sex is always when we’re really present. 

That’s why, for those of you who have experienced it, it can be easier to have great sex with a stranger. There’s not any relationship baggage and we tend to be present. Our bodies were made for pleasure. If we show up and are present, it unusually turns out to be pretty good! 

How do we get our power back in the bedroom? How do we stop saying yes when we mean no, or prioritizing what our partner wants over what we want? 

The first step is deciding it’s important for you to get what you want and need in the bedroom. You’ve got to believe you have the right for your wants and needs to be a priority. Of course, in a healthy relationship we share who’s needs get priority if our needs are conflicting, but it can’t always be your lover’s turn! 

The second step is to know what you want. 

Wait. 

That might be a problem. 

If you’ve been prioritizing your lover for a long time, you might have lost touch with what you want in bed. What gives you the most pleasure. What is fun to you. If you’ve lost touch with your own pleasures, it’s time to go back to when you were a kid and innocently enjoyed exploring your  body and sexual stimulation. 

I grew up in such a sexually dysfunctional family, I didn’t do any innocent exploration of my body or sexual pleasures until I was in my 30’s. Yep. That’s not a typo! So… If I made it to sexual pleasure and freedom, you can too! 

Start. Take one step. Then take another. 

If you need some help, I’m here for you. 

This is a perfect issue to get some one-on-one coaching for. 

I promise, no matter where you’re at, there’s hope. You can have fantastic sex and feel authentic power in the bedroom. You aren’t alone. You don’t have to figure it all out. I’m here to gently guide you into your authentic sexual expression. Hit reply, your email is confidential and I’m the only one who will see it.

In power and pleasure, 

Brenda

On the Road to Enlightenment... I'll Take a Martini!

The road to enlightenment isn’t for the faint of heart. 

And, we’re all on the road. Unless we’ve decided to never grow. Never learn. Never change. 

You may not think about yourself as being on the road to enlightenment, but I bet you want to grow. You don’t want to be exactly the same next year, as you are today. So.. You’re on the road.

Me, I’m going to take a martini with me! As 100% committed to enlightenment as I am, I love pleasure. I love being irreverent. I love saying “Fuck!” as a fun exclamation point! I love having sex, drinking wine, having a glass of Champagne and having a martini (although, in truth, I’ll more likely have a cosmopolitan, which isn’t exactly a martini, but it’s close!)

I don’t think all that is counter to enlightenment, it’s just now how we typically imagine enlightenment. We typically imagine it as quiet, proper, probably a vegetarian and celibate or at least not openly enthusiastic about steak and sex, like I am!  

I’m here to break the mold of what it looks like to pursue enlightenment. All of us, in every shape, style and personality type is pursuing enlightenment in our own way. 

I started Cocktails and Coachingbecause of this seeming dichotomy. Accessing our inner wisdom, seeking truth, seeking to know ourselves and the Divine on a deeper level and… having a cocktail in the process! 

Join me Wednesday, August 14that 5 pm Pacific/8 Eastern, and my super-unconventional co-host, Kai Shanti. Kai has many amazing gifts and a colorful background (think, “married to a rock-star’ colorful.) Kai has an amazing YouTube channelyou can go to and hear her amazing wisdom. She channels higher consciousness and she shares my passion for discussing sex, sexuality and personal power within our sexuality. It’s going to be a powerful gathering! 

Ask your question, on any topic, right here. We gather in my private Facebook Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation. If you aren’t a member, click here to join.

See you Wednesday as we pursue our enlightenment along with a glass of wine, martini, Kombucha, tea or whatever suits your beautiful, authentic self! 

Calling all Women Entrepreneurs!

I love women entrepreneurs!

Here’s what I want for all of us… 

Let’s be the Queen of our business.

A Queen is bold.

She’s brave.

She’s thoughtful in her endeavors.

She leads her Queendom with clarity and confidence.  

She makes decisions and trusts her judgement.

She gets advice when needed. After considering the advice, she stands in her truth and power, whether others agree or disagree, knowing that she must be true to her own inner wisdom.  

She enjoys her position, her wealth and her influence in the Queendom, without guilt or shame.

She knows she is worthy. Capable. Competent.

Is it easy? No.

Does she always know she is right? No.

Does she ever experience doubt? Of course she does. She is human and she accepts that truth as well.

She makes mistakes and forgives herself.

As the Queen she also knows she knows she has been chosen for this life. To lead. To serve.

She showers herself with love and care. She allows herself pleasure. She knows when she is happy and healthy she serves her Queendom from the highest expression of herself.

Whether she has a man beside her as king, or in her bedroom as a lover, she takes charge of her own sexual pleasure. She knows what her body wants. She can express those desires to her lover and she takes responsibility for her sexual needs and desires, alone or with her lover.

She keeps her heart and mind focused on what she wants for herself and for her Queendom, moving through her day with dignity, power and grace. Offering gratitude for everything.

She does not tolerate cruelty. She knows when to say no. And doesn’t allow others to use her power for their benefit. She knows that not everyone around her has pure intentions. She stands firm in her boundaries, never diminishing her wants, desires or values, goals. She speaks with clarity and confidence.

She never apologizes for her position, her beauty, power or her decisions.

She knows she is a work in progress and that every challenge is a lesson that causes her to become a better version of the Queen she already is.

Will you stand with me and be the Queen of your business and life?  

Join me for my upcoming Masterclass, Be the Queen of your Business, September 27th at 7 pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific. Register here and get your crown ready!

Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh MY!

Dorothy had lions and tigers and bears! Oh My!  

Many entrepreneurs feel like Dorothy when it comes to: pleasure (no time for that!) Profit (breaking out in a sweat yet?) Power (you feel like your biz is in control! You're rushing to the demands of clients, being responsive to your FB Group and playing catch-up with email.) 

I'm here to help you transform all that rushing, self-doubt and fear into the actual secret to your success! 

What does it look like when Power, Pleasure and Profit are actually the secrets to your success? 

1. ​Power - You set better boundaries in personal and professional relationships, or have the confidence to raise your prices or take a bold move to expand your business. You decide how to engage in social media, what new marketing strategies to try and which ones to walk away from and you stop hating your inbox.

2. Pleasure - You enjoy going to you desk each day, allow yourself a "fun Friday" with no work appointments and spending the day having fun, taking care of yourself and replenish your energy.  You take the time to have great sex-alone or with a partner! It's incredibly energizing and is a catalyst to more creativity and tons of great ideas! 

3. Profit - You stop dreading looking at the numbers in your business. You cultivate an abundance mindset and feel making money is more like a game you can win, than a mystery you'll never understand. 

Sounds good, right? 

But, how do you do it? ​

That's what I'm here for. 

I've made the transformation. From fear to confidence. From letting my clients, my inbox and others have the power in my biz. I've definitely transformed pleasure from something to avoid to something I am intentional about, and I've learned how to make being profitable a fun game instead of a dreaded appointment with the accountant! 

I can show you how to do it in your biz.

J​oin me for kickass masterclass on Tuesday, September 18th! I'm sharing my three secrets to Power, Pleasure and Profit in your Business.

Click here to register. You'll get the link to join, an interactive worksheet and the post-class recording.

I can't wait to share this with you!

Power. Pleasure. Profit. Sound good?

If you’re an entrepreneur, I’m sure you’d like to always stand in your power when it comes to you business.

I know you want more profit!

Has your business and your life lost the thrill of pleasure?

Then I’ve got the solution for you!

Join me on Tuesday, September 18th at 9:00 a.m. Pacific and Noon Eastern for my newest masterclass, Three Secrets to Power, Profit and Pleasure in your Business.

You don’t want to miss this. When you register you’ll get a link to an interactive worksheet and you’ll get the recording afterwards.

Click here to register and get ready for more Power, Pleasure and Profit in your life!

It's Happening!

I’m in Bloomington, Indiana today! We report to the super-secret photo shoot location at 9:00 a.m. For approximately, eight hours I’ll be hanging out with 10 other delightful women, photographer, Chelsea Sanders, hair and make-up artists, and the crew needed for such a project. All of us models, in our bras and panties, while we get our photos taken. Not a normal Thursday for me.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I wrote about it in Sunday’s blog. Check it out here.

The short version of the story is I applied to an open casting call, for models, to appear in a book called, BARE.

You KNOW I’ll have a lot to say after this beautiful experience! Watch for that!

Follow the adventure on FB with me too! My personal page is here. My private FB Group, for women only, is here.

Sending you love and body positivity!

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, hit reply to this email and we’ll schedule a quick, 10-minute call to see if working together is going to be transformational and magical for you. 🙂

Live Lavishly Light Episode #28

Are you tired? Stressed? Tired of putting off what's important to you? 

Today's Live Lavishly Light Episode is for you! Learn how the stress hormone, cortisol, is literally killing us, while the happiness and pleasure hormone, serotonin, will bring you health, productivity and creativity. 

Make pleasure a priority! I've got a new program, Pleasure Power, coming. You can find out more about it here.  

Would it help if you were 30% more productive?

Being measurably more productive would allow for so many things.

More time to create.

More time to play.

More time to spend with family and friends.

More time to take care of your body.

More time to contribute to causes you care about.

How do we increase our productivity by over 30%?

Get happy. Or as I like to think about it, get more pleasure in your life.

There are studies by the Harvard Business Review showing that happy people are 31% more productive. If they are in sales, like my real estate friends and coaches listening, sales increase by 37% and people are three times more creative. All because they are happy.

Happiness includes a lot of things, but I know for sure it includes having pleasure in your life! And not just once in a while!

What if, instead of “pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps” when things are difficult, we stopped and evaluated where we could add more pleasure into our lives?

I don’t know about you, but it certainly sounds more fun.

The statistics indicate it’s a lot more effective.

Let’s try it!

Join me for the Pleasure Power 5 Day Facebook Challenge. It starts tomorrow, Monday, July 16 and runs through Friday. It’s easy. You register here. Monday morning, and each day through Friday, you’ll get an email from me with a short audio recording. That recording will inspire you and give you a pleasure challenge for the day. You’ll decide what you want to do and post about it in the Facebook group. Easy. Fun. One could even call it, pleasurable! On Friday, I draw one lucky winner, who has posted each day, to win a specially commissioned bracelet by jewelry designer, Nilla Webber.

Find out how much more productive and creative you can be in just five days!

Get all the information and register now. The pleasure begins tomorrow!

The Connection Between Health and Pleasure

Did you know that cortisol, a hormone your brain triggers when you are stressed, makes it five times more likely that you’ll die from a heart attack? Tell me, how much of your day is filled with stress?

We all know that stress isn’t good for us.

How do we change it? Is there really a way out?

There is.

I’ve experienced it. I’ve coached people through it.

Where do you begin?

Pleasure.

Yes, it’s that simple. Or, hard. We don’t often give ourselves permission to have pleasure in our lives. Especially not when life is stressful.

I’ve got a challenge for you.

I call it, The Pleasure Power 5 Day Facebook Challenge.

Join me for five days. Just five. Each day I’ll send you a short audio with a challenge for bringing a little pleasure into your life that day. You’ll decide what you want to do, then post something about it in a private Facebook group where a bunch of other awesome people are doing the same.

It will be fun and easy. You can even use it to reduce stress.

Get the information and register here. We start on Monday, July 16 and we’ll finish on Friday, July 20. There’s even a great prize (a commissioned piece of jewelry) for someone who posts in the FB Group each of the five days.

What have you got to lose….a deadly heart attack? I think it’s worth giving pleasure a shot!

Live Lavishly Light Episode #26

I have two secrets I want to share with you today for dealing with difficult times.

On a Scale of Zero to Freaked Out! Where are you?

It’s easy to be freaked out!

From politics and global warning, to our careers and families, to our personal wants and dreams.

What do you do when you’re freaked out?

• Do you shop too much?
• Drink too much?
• Over-eat?
• Deprive yourself?
• Lose sleep?
• Get angry?
• Compulsively busy yourself with distractions?
• Slip into denial?
• “Awfulize” (Imagine the worst possible outcome and feeling as if the terrible outcome has occurred, even though it hasn’t happened.)

What if there’s another way?

Can we approach our most difficult challenges with poise, power, purpose and even, pleasure?

I’m here to tell you, it’s possible.

I’m a big fan of poise, power and purpose. But today…let’s focus on pleasure.

Pleasure Power.

Is that even a thing? Pleasure Power?

I assure you it is.

Pleasure can change your life.

Not matter how awful it is. No matter how freaked out you are. Pleasure has power in it. The power to shift your mindset and even, open a door.

Let me tell you a story. Recently, I was totally freaked out! I had a very difficult situation ahead of me. It was real. This was not a challenge in my imagination, it was real and barreling down on me.

These are the times when I know I need to put my own coaching skills to the test. What’s the point of being a coach if I’m not practicing what I preach?

I stopped my dizzying mind and asked, “What would give me pleasure right now?” Let me say that even asking the question takes some preparation. You see, if you’re in your dizzying mind when you ask that question you may get an answer like, “Drink a shaker full of Cosmos!” or “Get on Nordstrom.com and buy some new shoes!” (I have clearly just revealed two of my weaknesses!)

First, stop the dizzying mind. Take some slow, intentional breaths. The breath is the fastest way to begin to change your mind and body chemistry. Slow down. Breathe. Then ask, “How can I give myself pleasure right now?”

It’s important that you think of something that can be done immediately. You’re breaking the freak-out pattern, so “book a massage for next week,” won’t help. We want an immediate interruption to move from freaking out to pleasure.

For me it was simple. A hot bath, lavender Epsom salts and ____________. (Put your “adult” thinking cap on to fill in the blank, I don’t want to go all TMI with you!)

When I got out of the tub, I felt different. Allowing my body to experience pleasure had given me the mind shift I needed to go from awfulizing and being freaked-out to the reality that there are infinite possibilities when I’m poised and open enough to become aware of them.

When we tap into our pleasure power, we tap into possibility. We ask smart questions. We ask for help if we need it. We aren’t freaked out.

How will you tap into your pleasure power today?