empower

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The Dreaded "Dark Night of the Soul"

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A ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ is when you’re drowning in difficult circumstances.

When the things that used to work, when life served you lemons, don’t work.

You can’t figure out how to make lemonade out of this.

Is there something wrong?

It’s easy to drop into all the disempowering questions, like, “what am I doing wrong?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why does life have to be so hard?”

Equally easy is what I call, compare and despair. That’s when it seems like everyone you encounter is thriving in the area(s) of life you’re being challenged in. Which brings up thoughts like, “How come they can do it/get it and I can’t?” Which usually takes us right back to “What’s wrong with me?”

Every great person I admire has had at least one dark night of the soul. But we hear their stories after they are on the other side. Eckhart Tolle and the two years he lived on a park bench before writing “The Power of Now” and became a wealthy world-famous author and spiritual leader.

Oprah and her years of poverty, abuse and so much more, before becoming a celebrated talk-show host and billionaire.

How did they navigate those years, living on a park bench, in poverty, abused?

And how do I consciously navigate and get through my dark night of the soul?

I don’t want to be a victim. I want to figure out what is here for me in this dark time.   

A dark night of the soul becomes a great part of our story, when we’re on the other side, we have evolved to the next level of our journey.

After a dark night of the soul, something better, bigger, brighter emerges.

That’s why they are “worth it.”

Why I don’t want to numb-out or runaway when one enters my life.

When my dark night of the soul hits, I endeavor to embrace it and ask empowering questions, “what is wanting to emerge in me now?” “What is the next highest expression of myself and who do I need to become in order to live it?”

When you’re swimming in fear, anxiety, despair and all you can imagine are terrible futures; the one where you run out of money, or get a bad diagnosis, lose the relationship, end up a bag lady or live on the street, it’s really hard to keep a vision of the “next-best” version of yourself and your life.

I know. I’ve been there. So,

I’m creating a life-raft.

It’s the life-raft I needed.

So, you can stop drowning in the downward spiral of anxiety and catastrophe driven thoughts.

I’ve been collecting tools and strategies for years.

I’m calling it, “From Darkness to Light.”

It’s a four-week group coaching program, for men and women.. I’m pricing it super-easy, because I know that sometimes, a dark night of the soul hits your bank account and I want you to have the tools and experience the support you’ll get when you join the program.

I want you to go. From Darkness to Light.

Email me and let me know that you’re interested. No one but me will see the email.

I’ll open registration later this week.

I love you and want you to go from darkness to light. It’s possible. You don’t have to do it alone.

“You’re not in charge of me!”

That’s what my three-year-old granddaughter loudly declared to her older brother last weekend.

I had to laugh.

And, it got me thinking…

Every time we feel like someone, or something, outside of us is “in charge” of what’s going on in our lives, we’re wrong.

Blunt and true.

We’re wrong.

When things go wrong it’s so easy to tag another person and think, “If they had done something differently, I wouldn’t be in this mess!”

Here’s the problem. You can’t do a damn thing about another person. The only person we have any control over is ourselves.

My granddaughter is right. The only one in charge of you, is you.

I get it though. People do impact us. We can get thrown off course by someone else.

What do we do?

We work with our own thoughts about that, and what the problem is. For example, you may own your business and feel like you can’t raise your prices because you’ll lose clients. (It’s the client’s fault.)

You may have a job you hate, but you’re afraid it will be too hard to find another one. (It’s the economy’s fault.)

You may want to ask for a raise, or promotion or volunteer for a high-profile project, but your boss doesn’t like you. (It’s the boss's fault.)

Or maybe you simply don’t have the confidence to go after what you want in life. Again…thoughts are creating the lack of confidence.

Here’s where I come in.

Let’s slay those thoughts. Let’s get your confidence amped-up and ask for the raise, quit the job, raise your prices and anything else that’s important to you!

How? I’ll show you.

Join me Monday, May 21, 7:30 pm Eastern/4:30 pm Pacific for a free webinar, “Upgrade Your Earning Power.” I’ll show you how I slayed my thoughts that my problems were because of my ex, or the economy, or simply that “I’m not good enough.”  I took my power back and totally changed my life.

I use the same coaching tools I used on myself with clients, in group settings, like my digital program, Enough Already, and in 1:1 coaching. I’ll teach you how to do it on the webinar, Upgrade Your Earning Power.

All the details and the registration are here.

Join me and get ready to Upgrade Your Earning Power!

Sick of making less money than you want? I’ve got a plan!

For starters, if you’re a woman, you’re probably making 20% less than the guy in the cubicle or office next to you. And guys, if you want to make more money, I’m all for that too!

Would you like a 20% raise? Do the math.

Take your last check and add 20% to it. If you make $400 a week, that’s an extra $80, every week. If you make $40,000 a year, it’s an extra $8,000 a year. At $100,000 a year it’s a whopping $20,000!

I’ve made each of those amounts in my career and I can tell you, whether it’s $80 a week or $20,000 a year, I would have loved it.

Equal pay for women has been an issue for a long time. Yes, it’s getting better, but 20% is a big gap. It’s a change-your-world gap.

You want to make more money. What do you do?

I’m devoted to transformation. You can’t have transformation by simply acknowledging a problem. You can’t have transformation by complaining about a problem. You can’t have transformation by being angry about a problem, although your anger may be a good catalyst to transformation.

Four Strategies for Transformation

I love teaching people how to ask for a raise, a promotion and simply increase their performance at work through what I call The Success Quotient or SQ4.

The Success Quotient has four components, hence SQ4.

1.       Self-awareness

2.       Self-empowerment

3.       Other-awareness

4.       Empowerment for all

Increasing my skills in these four areas took me from earning minimum wage to six-figures, as an employee, and has been my constant companion transitioning from employee to entrepreneur. All without a college degree.

It doesn’t matter where you are in your journey, how much money you make right now, if you want to ask for a raise, change jobs, start a business or expand your business. The SQ4 will help you get there.

Down and Dirty with SQ4

I could talk for hours on each of the four, and I do when I coach clients or speak to organizations, but for now, let me give you the down and dirty on each one.

1.       Self-awareness – Knowing yourself comes first. You absolutely must evaluate your current strengths and weaknesses. Find ways to shine the spotlight on your strengths, and even improve them. This is your personal brilliance. Make sure you’re shining in these areas. For weaknesses, either find ways to make them irrelevant or learn how to improve. One caveat about that, many of our weaknesses are a waste of time to improve. It’s a lot easier to improve a strength than to improve a weakness.  

2.       Self-empowerment – Take your strengths and empower yourself in how you express them. How do you do that? Locate areas where you self-sabotage. We all do it. There’s no shame in it. But let’s stop. You lose your power when you think you need someone or something outside of you to get you where you want to go. You have everything you need. (This is why I created my online program, Enough Already. If you struggle with this, I’d check it out here.)

3.       Other-awareness – This is your ability to accurately perceive what others are feeling and experiencing. This is where the super power of empathy comes into play. People who are self-aware, self-empowered and have empathy can change the world!

4.       Empowerment for all – This is where it all comes together. You know yourself, you’re empowered to act, you understand and have empathy for others, which allows them to be empowered. Yes, sometimes that means they are empowered to step down, or change their behavior. It also means others are empowered to give you a raise or opportunity!

I am passionate about helping others use SQ4 in their lives. If you like the concepts and aren’t sure you know how to apply them in your specific situation, I’d love to hear from you! Let me know in your comments below, Facebook PM me or email me. I’d love to coach you or your organization into the power and freedom that come with using SQ4!

What kind of a question is that?

Life is all about the questions we ask.

Think about it.

No matter what the issue, the way we ask the question sets the stage for what answers will emerge.

Take for example, you have a money challenge. Maybe you have a money crisis.

You can ask, “How in the world am I going to have enough money to pay my bills (or go on vacation or buy something I want/need)?"

What answers will emerge from that question? Probably nothing helpful. Things like, “It’s not possible. I’ll never make enough, never have enough to do what I want, never pay my bills.”

Why is that? It’s because we’re asking the question from the same mindset that created the challenge in the first place. We’ve gotten ourselves to the point that we don’t have enough to pay our bills or go on vacation or anything else we want. (Trust me, I have no judgement about that. Been there, done that with money.) But here’s the deal, the mindset that created that crisis can’t solve it.

Why mindset matters

We all have our normal ways of looking at things. Normal reactions, normal behaviors. They are patterns, or habits, we’ve adopted for how we think, the feelings we have and the way we react to challenges.

Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem from the mindset that created it.” When we ask questions like, “How am I going to do that?” all we do is tap into that habitual mindset--the one we have without any effort, without even thinking about.

Changing our mindset.

How do we shift into a new mindset so that we can solve a problem or challenge? Ask a better question. Let’s try it.

Back to our challenge of not enough money at the end of the month. Or not enough money for vacation, a new car, braces for the kids, whatever it is. What if we asked, “What would be a fun way I could make some extra money?” or “What would be a painless and easy way to save money over the next few weeks?”

Can you feel the difference? “What would be a fun way to solve this problem?” has a lot more possibility in it than, “How can I solve the problem?” “How can I solve the problem?” has a bit of a victim tone to it. It almost assumes you can’t. Asking, “What would be a fun way to solve the problem?” assumes there’s a solution. We’re just looking for the one that is the most fun.

Empower yourself with your questions.

What is your current challenge and what question you are asking yourself?

Is it an empowering question that presumes multiple possibilities? Or is a question that takes you back to the mindset that created the problem? Or a question that puts you in a victim position?

Here are few examples of empowering questions I like to ask myself when I’m challenged.

·         What can I do to bring ease and peace into this situation?

·         What would a woman in love with herself do?

·         What would be a fun way to solve this problem?

·         What change can I make, right now, to improve the situation?

·         What possibilities can I find that will be aligned with the highest expression of myself?

·         How can I be of service in this situation?

·         What possibilities am I missing? (This is a great time to phone a friend and brainstorm with them.)

·         How is this situation benefiting me? (Or how is it for my good?)

Think about the challenges you are facing right now.

What are the questions you’re asking yourself?

How can you turn them into empowering questions?

Stump the coach

If you’re stuck and can’t find an empowering question, I’d love to help. Put your question in the comments below and I’ll help you come up with a new question.