Setting boundaries at work is different. Right?

I get this a lot from clients and when I’m conducting leadership development classes. 

We can’t set boundaries at work. After-all, we’re being paid to do what we’re told. 

Or, being paid to “manage” others, so that includes fixing the things they do wrong, or staying late to finish the project they are behind on, etc. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to challenge some of those thoughts. 

There’s a difference between managing and over-functioning for someone else. 

There’s a difference between being paid to do a job and never saying no. 

Join me for a practical and powerful conversation about leaving behind our people pleasing habits when we go to work. 

As always, I can’t wait to get your comments and feedback! 

If you’ve got a question you’d like for me to answer, please submit it to me! Use this LINK to scroll to the bottom of the page and submit your question. I can’t wait! 

Get today’s episode HERE.

Is there a dark side to empathy?

I have so many clients who are plagued by being so empathetic, they are overwhelmed by all the feelings they are picking up from others, and they struggle to set boundaries. 

I can relate. 

I had a profound moment one day in a conversation with a man I was dating at the time, that has changed my attitude about empathy and boundaries. 

You’ll hear all about this truly transformations and frankly, dramatic, moment in my life, in today’s, Liberate Your People Pleaser Podcast. (I’m hoping you also notice the fresh new logo!) 

You’ll also find out how to keep empathy from getting in the way of the boundaries you need to set with lovers, family, friends and at work! 

I’m stoked that the podcast is now on Google Play, Spotify, Apple Podcast, YouTube and my website! Here are all the individual links for you to find it on your favorite podcast app. 

Google Podcasts, HERE.

Spotify, HERE.

Apple Podcasts, HERE.

My Website, HERE.

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts and see your review of the podcast!

Does this Surprise You?

The other day my 10 year old grandson said, “Grandma B, I really like how you respect my boundaries. Not everyone does.” 

You can pick yourself up off the floor now! 

First of all, that this 10 year old boy is so emotionally intelligent that he knows what boundaries are and how to set them is a miracle and testament to his Mom and Dad. 

Second, because I grew up with a Mother who had no boundaries, and I didn’t learn what boundaries were until I was in my 30’s, that comment was a huge compliment to me! 

People Pleasers usually suck at setting boundaries and often they don’t respect other’s. Not because they aren’t willing. It’s more like they don’t understand boundaries, so they don’t know how to respect them. I’ve coached people who didn't even really know what a boundary is. 

What’s your relationship with boundaries? 

Are you able to set boundaries? 

To say, “No,” when you mean no. 

To tell someone you don’t want to hear their racist jokes. 

To speak up when someone does or says something that diminishes or dismisses you. 

Boundaries give us confidence. 

Boundaries are an act of self-care and self-love. 

Do you need help with setting boundaries? 

That’s what I’m here for. 

I’ve got a Boundaries for People Pleasers Package that’s perfect for you! You’ll get four private sessions with me, plus worksheets to support your boundary setting during our four sessions and beyond.  

You’ll learn what to say and what to do to get your boundaries in place. Once you have your boundaries identified, you need to learn how to communicate them clearly. Then you need to know what to do when they aren’t respected! After these four sessions, you’ll be the boundary Queen or King! 

Email me, brenda@brendaflorida.com and I’ll tell you more about the Boundaries for People Pleasers Package. It’s just what the doctor ordered!

Why Is It So Hard?

I have so many clients tell me they know what they should do.

They just can’t seem to do it.

We’ve all been there.

You know you’re putting everyone first - at the expense of yourself.

You know the best way to serve your family and others is to do it from a “full cup.” The old, “put your oxygen mask on first, then help the person next to you,” theory.

But you still find yourself saying yes and doing more than you should. Or feeling guilty if you don’t.

Why is it so damn hard, especially when we know better?

Let’s use our closet as a metaphor.

The same clothes. Day after day. They are nice. But you realize, you’ve “outgrown” some of them, in one way or another.

Your style has changed, your body has changed. There are pieces in your wardrobe that just aren’t appealing anymore. Of course, some of them are fine. Some are favorites. But there are always a few that really need to go.

You know you need to clean out the closet; discard some things, possibly have an item or two altered, and buy a few new pieces.

And yet, you keep wearing them. You’re busy. You rationalize that they aren’t that bad. You shouldn’t be greedy, maybe you don’t need to buy anything?  Who are you to spend the money on alterations! Just wear what you have and be grateful.

And there you have it. Life.

Life in a closet.

When it comes to people and situations in our lives, it’s the same.

There’s a relationship with a friend, co-worker, boss, business partner, lover, spouse, your mother… and you know it needs change. It needs altering. Or a good cleaning out, maybe even discarding, in order for you to thrive.

You know it. You tell yourself, “next time we talk…” and yet it doesn’t happen.

Why is that?

We know better, but we don’t always do better.

Because being the way you’ve been has been deeply engrained. It’s a serious habit!

And habits don’t start or stop easily.

That’s why coaching is so important.

You need an advocate.

Someone to help you communicate differently.

Break the habit of feeling and doing for others first and yourself… not first.

These are the dragons I slay all day every day, so, you’re in good hands!

There are several ways you can let me help you put yourself first! And NOT in a selfish way!

1. Join my FREE Private Facebook Group, Liberate Your People Pleaser! We talk about how to break those habits that our people pleaser got stuck in!  Click here to join.

2. Join the “Freedom is Calling You” FREE Facebook Challenge coming in August! For now, join Liberate Your People and you’ll get all the deets there.

3. Work with me 1:1. It’s the most powerful way to break those people pleasing habits. To explore a 1:1 experience with me, book a 15-Minute call and we’ll figure it out! Book your call HERE.

I can’t wait to connect with you!