Two things you can't avoid

No, not death and taxes.

It’s change and sex.

Life changes. Relationships change. Careers change. Kids cause all kinds of change. Moving changes everything. Aging changes things. Finances change.

 Sometimes we choose change, sometimes it chooses us, but it’s coming, no matter what.

Sex.

Why did I have to bring that up, you ask?

That’s why! Because whether we like it or not, it’s a natural part of life. Whether you’re having it, or not. Whether you’re getting as much as you want. Whether your partner wants as much, or as little as you. Whether you’re single and wanting someone to have it with.

 We can try to not think about it, but it’s always there.

Enter, Life Coach.

As a coach, everything I coach clients through has something to do with these two.

The client wants change and needs help creating it.

Change happened to the client and they need help navigating it and learning how to see life from a new perspective.

They are frustrated sexually because they aren’t getting what they want, whether that’s more of it or less of it. They want to experiment or change something and they aren’t sure how to address it with their partner, or they are trying to sort through how they even feel about sex after a sexually bothersome or abusive situation. Where the hell do you go to talk to someone about and of that??

Right here.

These two, change and sex, are in my zone of genius. I eat problems like this for lunch, then come back for more!

There’s something thrilling about liberating someone else to the freedom, clarity and joy that is possible when they solve problems and explore what’s possible.

I’m like a possibilities expert. I’ll help you find what’s possible, whether you’re where you’re at by choice or change. Your decision or someone else’s.

There are three ways we can work together.

They’re all easy. They all get you results. What’s best for you based on the problem you want to solve and your style for learning new skills. Some folks are super DIY. Other’s need more personal attention.

1.     Think Your Way to Success – This is a digital, DIY program. Once you register a link to the content (videos and a worksheet) are delivered to your inbox. You can watch the videos as often as you want and fill out worksheets to your heart’s content. The focus of this program is stressful thoughts. Change is stressful, and every stress comes with a thought. I’ll teach you how to slay the thought and liberate yourself to a more peaceful path that is full of possibilities you didn’t see before. It’s truly magical.

2.     One Big Change – You guessed it. This is perfect when you want to create change in your life. It’s a combination of recoded lessons, weekly challenges and inspiration that are delivered to your inbox on Monday, Wednesday and Friday for four weeks. You get to keep all the recordings to listen to whenever you need a refresher. This is a combination of DIT and personal attention because you also get two, 30-minute private coaching sessions with me when you register for this program.

3.     Private, one-on-one coaching. This is when you really want to make fast, deep change in your life. Because we spend all our time focused on you and your problem that needs solving, I can coach you into a deeper understanding of yourself and the complexities of the problem. Everything is very specialized to you and what you want and need out of coaching.

Not sure which option is best for you? Click here to schedule a 15-minute call and we’ll figure it out together. <3

Freebies

I always like to provide free ways for people to work with me as well. I create quality content and love the emails and messages I get back about how inspiring and helpful my blogs, masterclasses and videos are to people. Which, by the way, always makes my day! If you aren’t on my email list, click here to sign up.

There’s an ongoing conversation about sex, it’s challenges, curiosities, impact on relationships, how to get comfortable when you’re back in the dating game, etc. going on through my YouTube Playlist, Qs for the Sex Queen. You can submit questions anonymously through my website here, and watch the videos here. A new episode is coming out in the next few days, so submit your questions now and I’ll answer them in that episode.

If you’re a woman, I have a free Facebook Group that is awesome! You’ll get support and tons of positive information and affirmations for you and your journey. Join that group here and answer two easy questions. I’ll have you added in no time! Private FB Group request to join.

Let’s end 2018 and begin 2019 with all the tools and yummy goodness available to us and have a rockin 2019!!

Everything Begins With a Thought

Every invention, piece of art, new technology or way of life, begins with a thought.

"I'd like to travel more."

"I want to paint."

"I want to start a business."

"I want to make more money."

Then come the thoughts of diminishment. "You can't do that!" "Who do you think you are." "You're not good enough."

In today’s video I'll show you how to breakthrough that thought and live the life of your dreams. 

Get all the details on Think Your Way to Success right here.

Love is the Answer

If you haven’t heard Jason Mraz’s new song, “Love is Still The Answer,” I’d give it a listen. His opening remarks before he sings are with their weight in gold!

No matter what is going on, no matter what this problem is, what’s bothering you, what’s giving you anxiety or discouraging you… Love is the answer.

Love has unlimited potential.

Love never fails.

Love has the power of life in it.

As a coach I see so many people approach their problems with self-criticism.

They blame themselves, thinking they did something wrong, aren’t smart enough or good enough to solve their problem.

As if by being harsh with ourselves we will ‘whip ourselves into shape,’ as the saying goes.

I’ve done it too, so I understand. We decide to start a new habit, or stop an old one and we brow-beat yourself into doing it or stopping it. Here’s what I know. self-criticism doesn’t work.

Love works.

I want you to think of something that’s bothering you. Let’s start small.

  • Maybe you wish you had time to decorate more for the holidays. You just haven’t gotten as much done as you wanted to.

  • You’re irritated at your boss/coworker/spouse/family member, and you haven’t addressed the issue with them. You keep burying how you feel.

  • You’ve been stopping for take-out instead of cooking and you know your nutritional needs will be better met by a home cooked meal.

  • You haven’t gotten to the gym or your fitness class for weeks now and with the holiday’s approaching, you don’t see things improving.

Instead of telling yourself that your lazy, or unorganized, or not brave enough, or a procrastinator or fat, or… whatever nasty and critical thing you can think of… tell yourself this:

“I love you. You’re working hard and doing your best. It’s great that you can see ways to improve, but for today, let’s take it easy on ourselves. Let’s stop and breathe. Feel the love that is in us and around us. Let’s look for three things, right now, to be grateful for.”

Anything similar to that dialog will do the trick! The point is, be loving to yourself. Like the best mom in the world would do with a frustrated toddler. She wouldn’t scream at her or criticize her. She’d scoop her up and hug her.

Today, scoop yourself up and love yourself!

You’ll be surprised. Often, a solution to the problem magically appears! Even if it doesn’t, I promise you, you’re much more likely to figure it out in an attitude of love.

Ever feel like an Imposter?

Maybe you started a new job, or you meet new people, or try something new and you feel like you don't belong. That you're pretending or playing dress-up.

You're afraid others will figure out, you don't know what you're doing. Fear sets in. Doubts surround you like a windstorm. You can’t escape.

Today's video will give you both a litmus test for whether or not the Imposter Syndrome has been activated in your life, PLUS a simple tool out of the Imposter trap!

What have you settled for?

What have you settled for? 

  • Is it a job you don't love? 

  • A relationship where many of your needs go unseen and unheard? 

  • A lifestyle that doesn't match what you imagined for yourself? 

  • Physical health and well-being that isn't great, but, hey, there's not enough time to exercise? 

  • Living in a place that doesn't suit you? 

I’ll confess, I’ve settled in all of the above at some point in my life!

Then, one-by-one, I stopped settling! It's a process and it can take a little time and effort, but damn! It is worth it!! 

When you stop settling you:

  • Do work that you love

  • Have relationships with people who see and hear you.

  • Live a lifestyle that matches your desires.

  • Prioritize self-care and wellness, without any guilt.

  • Live in a place that makes your heart sing! 

How do you stop settling and shift your life in the direction of what you truly want? 

The good news is, it's simple. The bad news is, it's not always easy. But I know you, and you're willing to do the work. 

There are four simple steps. 

1. You get clear on what you really want. 

2. You clean up all the thoughts that told you to settle for less. 

3. You start feeling the way you want to feel. The way you feel as the person who doesn't settle. 

4. You take action towards what you want along with your new thoughts and feelings, so all four components are aligned. 

Here's what I know for sure, you deserve the life you truly want.

Let's make 2019 the year of following our desires and leave settling behind. 

I've got just the tool to help you do it. One Big Change. It's a great little program that packs a big punch! You'll get weekly emails with audio recordings that will teach you each of the four steps above. You'll get worksheets and fun little "assignments" to help you implement the step. You'll get inspiration and celebration emails each week too, to keep you on track. You also get two private coaching sessions with me to get you the attention you need to stop settling. 

Get all the details and register here. When you register by tomorrow night (Friday) I'll send your a gorgeous pair of earrings with a fab Queen's crown because you... deserve it! You're the Queen of your life. Wearing these handmade earrings will remind you of just how magnificent you are! 

Does Everything Have to be so Hard? 😧

I’m moving this week. It’s a long process. I put everything in storage on Monday in the pouring rain. I’ll be living with a friend for a month in PA, then driving to LA to housesit for a couple of people, stay with my kids and visit my mom and sister in San Diego. Then it’s back to PA for several weeks in Feb. to work, then back to SoCal to get settled in a new place.

Whew! That’s a lot of change. A lot of uncertainty. A lot of new experiences!

You know how sometimes everything is a struggle. As much as you try to plan, anticipate, organize and manage things, it’s all really hard? I hate that!

My move, with all its moving parts and uncertainty has been filled with ease and peace. Yep.

Not hard. Ease and peace.

I was wondering last night, why that was? What makes some of our decisions full of ease and peace, even when they are a lot of work! And others are so hard?

Here’s what I know for sure about this move.

I’ve aligned the four elements of sustainable transformation. I mean, I figure I should use my own damn strategy! Here’s how it goes:

  1. I got clear on what I yearned for. A move to Southern California. I’m not even sure if I want to settle on the south side of LA, Huntington Beach or San Diego. I’m open to all three right now. I’m yearning for SoCal, so that’s my focus, not the part I’m not clear on.

  2. I took care of all the crazy thoughts I had about how I’m crazy and shouldn’t do it! I mean, really, how many 57-year-olds, pack up and move across the country for no reason other than a yearning? I’m leaving two of my kids and two grandchildren. I also have a lot of good friends in PA. I’ve lived here 20 years! I had a lot of thoughts that would limit me. Tell me to stay put. Who do I think I am, anyway!? I took care of every thought. I got coaching from some of my cool coach-friends when I couldn’t bust through the stressful thoughts myself.

  3. I focused on all the feelings I want. Not necessarily the feelings that came up from my unconscious, like fear, but the ones I want. Freedom. Love. Adventure. Abundance. Gratitude. I practiced them. I rehearsed the feelings before the situation I wanted showed up.

  4. I put my butt into action! I didn’t just sit around waiting for all the pieces to come together. I danced this lovely dance of taking action, then letting go to see if the Universe would also send something to support me in the action I took. That’s my way of stepping out in faith and still being detached from the outcome.

It wasn’t always pretty. It certainly wasn’t perfect. But it worked. I’m moving with ease and peace. I’m full of gratitude!

Every tool I used is in the framework for my new program, One Big Change. If I can do it, you can.

You may not care about moving. You might have a relationship that needs changing. Maybe you’re a mother and you need to make some changes in your self-care, body-love and health. Maybe you’ve got a career or business change that needs making.

Here’s my promise, you bring your problem and I’ll show you how to transform it from stress to ease and peace.

Get all the details and register now for One Big Change. Your life can’t afford for you to wait. You deserve ease and peace.

Talk About it Tuesday: Did the cat get your tongue?

Have you ever struggled to speak your truth?

Is it easy for you to rock the boat and be disruptive when your truth isn’t popular with your friends, family, lover/spouse/partner, at work or even with a stranger?

For most of us, there’s a discomfort with owning and speaking our truth when we think it’s going to upset, disappoint or piss someone off!

Learning what your truth is, and having the courage to share it, will change your life.

In today’s Talk About it Tuesday episode, I’ve got a four-step process to help you transform the way you own and speak your truth.

I’ve also got a new program, One Big Change, that will teach you exactly how to use and apply these simple truths. Get the details here.  

There’s nothing more liberating than trusting yourself to know and speak your truth. I can’t wait to see how your life changes with this One Big Change.


This made me cry

I don’t know if this has ever happened to you, but last week I was witness to a domestic violence incident in the apartment below me.

The woman was choked, he came at her with a knife and knocked her around. That’s the part I know. No doubt there was more.  

Maybe you’ve not been hit, choked or threatened with a knife. Maybe you’ve just been told you’re stupid. Not good at anything. Maybe you’ve been insulted and belittled. Manipulated and diminished. Maybe it was a spouse, lover, boyfriend, stranger. Maybe it’s someone you work with.

I know what it feels like. It’s horrible.

We can stop it. We can intervene for others as several of us did for my neighbor. More importantly, we can intervene for ourselves. We can say no. We can choose ourselves.

We can choose to make that One Big Change that will change that relationship. Whether it’s at home or in the workplace. Whether it means setting boundaries, insisting on them being respected, or if it’s leaving. You have the power, within you, right now to change it.

You can change anything in your life. Whether it’s a relationship, your career, your body, your finances, anything! None of it’s bigger than you are.

It’s hard to know where to start. I’ve gotcha covered on that. It’s a program I created, One Big Change.

You can find out all the details, register and get your free gift (hint: they are shiny) right here.  

Just do it. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Don’t wait for the next “episode” that scares you or pisses you off. Make your One Big Change by starting now.


Black Friday is calling for… Change

I know you’ve got a full belly and shopping goals today but take just a minute to think about that one thing.

The one thing, that if you changed it, your life would be different.

Do you want to change your:

  • Career or business?

  • Relationships?

  • Body and Health?

  • Leisure time?

  • Maybe add something about family life. I could see working moms being a target for you and they are always looking for tools to add balance to their crazy lives.

Do you want to:

  • Have more fun

  • Move to a new city

  • Start dating

  • Travel more

Imagine how different your life will be when you make your One Big Change!

Imagine what your life will be like if you don’t?

Maybe you’ve tried to change and it hasn’t worked.

No more.

I’ve got the solution. It’s bold. It’s true. It will work for you. All you have to do, is do the work.

One Big Change will give you the tools you need.

It doesn’t start until January, so don’t worry about adding anything to your hectic schedule now. When you register today, you’ll get a gorgeous pair of specially designed earrings that I’ll send you. You are a Queen after all and deserve a gift for taking action!

IMG_9284 2.JPG

Get all the deets here and register now so you can wear those crown earrings to one of your holiday parties! I’ll ship them out right away!

xoxo,

Brenda

The Gratitude Buster

Are you feeling grateful today?

Don’t worry if you aren’t. I know we’re all supposed to feel grateful, but most of us have something that puts a damper on our gratitude meter.

That’s okay.

I’ve got a Gratitude Buster.

Bust through whatever has you concerned, distracted, stressed or riddled with anxiety. Here’s the strategy:

Write it down. Sounds old fashioned, but it works. Get it on paper.

Write down the top three feelings that come to mind when you think of this damn thing. It might be despair, shame, hopelessness, whatever it is, be honest with yourself. You deserve that. Three feelings.

Take the piece of paper and tear it up, trash it, burn it, feed it to the squirrels, I don’t care, just get rid of it. Totally. Out of the house. It’s gone.

Give yourself permission, just for today, not to think about this damn problem and the feelings that you wrote on that paper. Just today. You can take them back tomorrow if you want. Give yourself one day of vacation from all of it.

Imagine your life without the problem. How would your life change? What are the top three feelings that you feel now? Write those down. Put that list on the fridge.

Now, spend the rest of the day, basking in those three feelings you just wrote down. The ones you’ll feel when the problem is over.

That’s the new you. That’s how you can feel today. Enjoy it. Don’t worry that the problem isn’t actually gone. You’ll deal with that tomorrow. And who knows… a solution might even come to mind today, while you’re basking in all the good feelings of your new you.

xoxo,

Brenda

I don’t know what to do!

Can you relate?

You know you want to change something, but you have no idea how to do it?

Nicole is an entrepreneur. She was bored the services she was providing her clients and ready for change. You know how it is. You noticed you just don’t have the passion for what you’re doing anymore?

Here’s the problem. Nicole was totally lost and confused about what she wanted to do. What would her new services be? How would she find the new clients for those services? And, oh yeah, she’s an introvert and doesn’t like “putting herself out there” so she was really stuck. No clarity. No plan. No way to make the change she KNEW she wanted to make.

I bet you know exactly how she feels? I’m guessing there’s something, right now, that you know you need to change in your life. It may not be the services you provide in your business, but whatever it is… start a business, ask for a raise, quit your damn job, finally leave that relationship, start dating, go shopping for clothes loving your body instead of constantly criticizing it, turning your sex life into something you crave instead of something you avoid… listen to Nicole tell her story and imagine yourself making your one big change!

xoxo,

Brenda

Do you ever struggle to own your truth?

I’ve spent most of my adult life finding and owning my truth.

Some people seem to come into the world knowing who they are and that they can accomplish anything they set their mind to. I love hearing stories like that.

That is not my story. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted.

It’s been a long journey for me to own my truth.

That’s why I was so thrilled with Ken Cervera invited me to be a guest on his podcast, Own Your Truth.

Own Your Truth will encourage and support you in using the very things that are challenging in life as the opening to personal growth. Every guest has so much to share and I’ve love every episode!
Here’s a link to my episode and I hope you’ll give yourself the gift of listening to Ken’s other guests. <3

I believe we all deserve pleasure

I didn’t experience much physical pleasure in my 20’s and early 30’s.

I had been sexually abused as a kid and couldn’t figure out how to enjoy sex in my marriage or with myself. I was seriously cut-off from my body and from physical pleasure.

Changing that was one of the biggest changes I’ve made in my life. I literally liberated myself to a new perspective on sex and sensuality. I got a lot of help from a therapist and tons of self-help books, but it worked. I awakened the sexual energy that had been squashed down into nothingness.

If I can do it, you can. <3

I created a YouTube playlist for this very purpose.

Qs for the Sex Queen is a safe place where you can ask questions and hear the answer to yours and other’s questions. I’ve just released the first episode and I’m really excited about the questions that were submitted and look forward to feedback and more questions for the next episode.

If you want to ask a question, use my confidential, anonymous form at www.brendaflorida.com/questions-queen

Watch the first episode below:

Talk about it Tuesday - Confusion to Clarity

Think about something in your life that confuses you.

This could be something related to your career, family, relationships, etc…

In today’s Talk About it Tuesday, I talk about how to find clarify in confusing situations in life. This is a technique that I use with my clients who are struggling to understand the next step the want to take.

The Price of Freedom 😥

Today is Veterans Day. My nephew served in the Army. Survived tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. We were lucky, he came home. Not all of his friends did.

Today we owe it to every Veteran to celebrate and be grateful for the freedom they bought for us.

What will you do with your freedom?

Freedom means we don’t have to live in the toxic relationships – at work or home.

Freedom means we don’t have to stay in careers that suck us dry.

Freedom means we don’t have to put our dreams and desires on the back burner for some time in the future when it is ‘convenient.’

Freedom means we can grow and thrive during the transitions of moving, loss and the inevitable changes in life.

Freedom means today is day one. The first day. The day where everything can change.

Freedom means we have the power to change our lives.

Freedom means we owe it to the Veterans who fought for our freedom to live the best life possible. The life you crave. The life you yearn for.

Don’t let freedom be a concept that you agree with.

Let freedom be your siren call!

Today is the last day to register for the biggest freedom call of all, Live Lavishly. We spend nine weeks together expanding the freedom in our lives. We cover everything! Relationships, careers, pleasure, how our thoughts, feelings, yearnings and actions can serve us or sabotage us, and how to make sure they’re all lined up for to create a life with abundant freedom. Get all the info here. Do it. Sign up.

Create the freedom that is yours for the taking.

Xoxo,

Brenda


Rock the Holidays and 2019 🎄

Do you plan on surviving the holidays or rocking them?

I’ve got just the thing. Better than a Hot Toddy even.

Be The Queen of your holidays with Live Lavishly. It’s a program I create to support women like you on their journey to the life they yearn for.

Yearnings. Ah, the very things that can seem so far away at the holidays.

Well, don’t give up Queen. Even if your crown got a little crooked, we’ll straighten that baby right up!

Live Lavishly includes nine sessions where you’ll get the tools you need to create the life you yearn for. Plus, there’s five group coaching calls and a private Facebook group where you can ask questions, get support and find additional resources for the program.

If that sounds too good to be true, or like this must be something that will cost a ton of money… it’s NOT and it doesn’t!

If you’re a woman who is ready for change. If you’re willing to show up, (honey, you can even show up in your PJs!) learn the tools and put them to work, then Live Lavishly is for you!

Get the details here.

If you have any questions, let me know in the comments below. (for the website)

Don’t let the holidays zap your cheer. You deserve to Live Lavishly!

xoxo,

Brenda