What to do when you’re at a crossroad in your life?

A member of my private FB Group, Live Lavishly: Turning up Your Power from the Boardroom to the Bedroom (click here and answer two questions if you want to join this powerful, loving group of badass women!) is at a crossroads and was asking for support in the group recently.

Hers is a familiar story. Corporate job is being eliminated, kids are grown, so she has some freedom there. But, what to do? Too young to retire, and not sure what to do next.

How do you navigate a crossroad?

Do you go left? Or right? Sit still? What’s the answer?

These are the questions that life coaches thrive off of! Are we demented? Reveling in a client’s discomfort and lack of clarity?

No. It’s just that I’ve been down this road with clients often. Hell, I’ve been down this road myself! Here’s what I know for sure: before breakthrough, there is chaos. Before new life, there is the death of something it’s time to let go of.

Here’s a few tips on letting go.

It sounds so easy and in fact, is pretty hard! Here’s what I’ve learned. When I’m unhappy with something in my present life, I can find all sorts of things that I’m unhappy about in the past.

Think about it. If you had just won the lottery and were sitting on a beach with your favorite beverage in your hand, would you care about that co-worker who takes advantage of you at times, or the fight you had with your sister-in-law last month? Probably not.

These are the things to let go of. Give yourself a few minutes to be pissed or sad or whatever the emotion is, then tell yourself, “this isn’t meaningful enough to take my energy. I’m laying it down.” See yourself literally laying it on the ground and walking away from it.

After you’ve won the lottery and are soaking up the sun and enjoying a drink on your private island… fi you do still care about what the co-worker did, or the sister-in-law did, that’s okay. That’s a sign that something needs to be taken care of. You need to talk to the co-worker or sister-in-law. When we hang onto things, it’s because our inner wisdom is saying, “hey, wait a minute! I don’t like that, and I want you to do something about it!” When we ignore that voice and pretend it doesn’t matter, or think we can’t do anything about it, or think talking to them won’t help, we disempower ourselves. Worse, we’re telling ourselves that we don’t matter.

These are the things we can’t ignore and must address. You may need to get some help, from your friendly neighborhood coach, or a trusted adviser or friend. You don’t need help from anyone who fuels your anger, without a healthy resolution, or who confirms you don’t have the power to do anything about it. Never trust the advice of someone encouraging you to be a victim! (A free coaching tip from me.)

We all have issues with relationships, personal and professional ones. That’s why I created the, Say Yes! Masterclass. You can sign-up right now…right here. It’s going to be on Tuesday, August 14, at 7:00 PM Eastern/4:00 PM Pacific.

A very cool group of women are gathering to focus on how to:

  • live from their truth in relationships
  • communicate clearly and set appropriate boundaries
  • focus on their own dreams and let go of control
  • get rid of the drama and attract the relationships that will encourage them to be their best-self 

Please join us and you’ll be better prepared to let go of what is no longer serving you at your next crossroads! Sign-up here

Have you ever gotten yourself into a pickle?

I love that southern expression, "I'm in a real pickle!" 

You might be in a pickle if you wreck your car, lose your job, your bank account drops dangerously low, you just broke up with you boyfriend/girlfriend, are getting divorced, or any number of things that suck. 

Here's the deal. 

It's easy to get self-critical and judgmental when we're in a pickle. 

"Why didn't I see that coming?" 

"Why didn't I do something different along the way?" 

"I always mess up my _________ (fill in the blank with your favorite answer; job, relationship, finances, etc.)"

"I must have done something wrong or this wouldn't have happened." (My personal favorite.)

I was coaching a client recently who said one of these to me about her life. As always, it stops me dead in my tracks. 

I mean, do we really think it's possible to do everything right so we never get in a pickle? 

I don't want to burst your bubble, but it's not possible. 

And...you didn't do anything wrong and you don't alway screw-up anything. Sure, we have patterns and lessons to learn. That's fine. Those thoughts aren't as stressful as the ones I'm talking about.

The thoughts I'm talking about are the ones that cut you to your core. That judge you and leave you feeling in lack, or less than, or not good enough. Those thoughts are always a lie. 

You are a gorgeous human being. Human beings are not perfect. Humans beings live in a world that isn't perfect. That means....

Sometimes, you get in a pickle. And that's okay. Don't judge yourself. Learn your lesson, if there is one, and move on. Love yourself enough to know, there will always be another pickle. It's part of the journey. 

Your body is not an apology

Regardless

  • of size. 
  • of the color of your skin.
  • of your height. 
  • of the color of your hair. 
  • of your sexual orientation.
  • of your gender identity (if you even want to have one.)
  • of whether someone has abused that beautiful body. 

You are beautiful.

You are lavish. 

You are a unique expression of the Divine. 

I recently read the fabulous book, The Body is Not an Apology, by Sonja Renee Tayler.  I highly recommend it. She's a serious badass and she's serious about radical self-love. 

Tonight, I have over 100 women who have registered to join me for the Masterclass, Be the Sex Queen of Your Life. 

I'm serious about empowering women sexually. 

When we feel empowered sexually, regardless of all the things listed above, regardless of being single or in a relationship, we experience radical transformation. It improves our health. Reduces stress. Makes us more productive and creative. 

Seriously, aren't the benefits worth it? Our sex lives often get set to the side as 'not that important.'  

I'm here to tell you, your health, creativity, productivity and stress levels are worthy of your attention. 

Join me tonight for Masterclass, Be the Sex Queen of your Life at 7 pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific. Register to get the link to join us and the workbook. 

If you are interested in exploring what it would be like to work with me one-on-one about your sex life, let's schedule a 10 minute call to see if, and how, I can help you. I'll be honest, I've lived the spectrum from being sexually abused as a child, never having an orgasm in my marriage, being shut down sexually, shut-off from my body and thinking I was frigid; to learning how to connect to, and love my body, and how to love sex! I can relate to where you are in your journey. I'd love to work together! You can email me at Brenda@BrendaFlorida.com. Just put 10 min call in the subject line. I'll know what you mean. :) You deserve to be the Sex Queen of your life! 

 

What could you do in nine weeks?

Nine weeks. Less than three months. 

What could you do if you focused some intentional energy, thought and time on yourself?

What could you accomplished? How could you empower your life? How much closer could you be to your dreams, in just nine, little weeks? 

I'm gathering a group of women to prove just what is possible in nine weeks. 

Will you join us?

Careful.

It might change your life. 

Here's what's happening. A group of badass women are going to spend a little time each week focused on their bodies, their work and their relationships. Sounds like a good way to invest a little time and energy doesn't it? We call it, Pleasure Power. There is power in pleasure and when we are empowered we can learn to love our bodies, just the way they are. We can make changes to our work or businesses. It doesn't matter if you work for someone else, own a business, are a stay-at-home mom or a volunteer. You don't have to get paid for it to be your work in the world. We can also transform our personal relationships.  

Pleasure Power

In the Pleasure Power Program we'll spend three weeks in each category; body, work and relationships. You'll get hard core skills and coaching practices to make lasting change. 

I use the same strategies in the program I use with myself and clients to transform their lives. There's a magical combination of examining our thoughts (the critical, Debbie-downer, limiting ones,) intentionally selecting how we want to feel (feeling-states) and putting action behind the things we want to transform. Thoughts. Feelings. Action. The combination of the three are the secret sauce. 

Don't wonder. Do it. Sign up today and change your life in nine, simple, empowering, badass weeks! Get all the information and register here.  

Pleasure Power is currently being offered at a super-awesome introductory price. Sometimes it pays to act early. Here it is

Can't wait to see you there. 

 

It's Happening!

I’m in Bloomington, Indiana today! We report to the super-secret photo shoot location at 9:00 a.m. For approximately, eight hours I’ll be hanging out with 10 other delightful women, photographer, Chelsea Sanders, hair and make-up artists, and the crew needed for such a project. All of us models, in our bras and panties, while we get our photos taken. Not a normal Thursday for me.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I wrote about it in Sunday’s blog. Check it out here.

The short version of the story is I applied to an open casting call, for models, to appear in a book called, BARE.

You KNOW I’ll have a lot to say after this beautiful experience! Watch for that!

Follow the adventure on FB with me too! My personal page is here. My private FB Group, for women only, is here.

Sending you love and body positivity!

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, hit reply to this email and we’ll schedule a quick, 10-minute call to see if working together is going to be transformational and magical for you. 🙂

Live Lavishly Light Episode #28

Are you tired? Stressed? Tired of putting off what's important to you? 

Today's Live Lavishly Light Episode is for you! Learn how the stress hormone, cortisol, is literally killing us, while the happiness and pleasure hormone, serotonin, will bring you health, productivity and creativity. 

Make pleasure a priority! I've got a new program, Pleasure Power, coming. You can find out more about it here.  

How an ass selfie changed my life

Have you ever taken an ass selfie? It’s not easy. Thankfully, I had a teacher. The incomparable and unapologetically authentic Lux Atl (pole dancer, PhD, feminist) has one on YouTube. You can check it out here. Don’t try an ass selfie without it!

One weekend last winter I had my girlfriends over, for what we call, Goddess Weekend, and I suggested we try to do ass selfies. It was great fun. Trust me, even with the tutorial, it takes some effort!

That photo has been sitting in my phone for six months.

Why does any of this matter? 

I was sexually abused as a little girl. I’ve had a very difficult history with my body. I’ve hated it, cut myself off from it, scorned it, criticized it and even been ashamed of it.

It’s quite liberating to go from body-shame and disconnect, to loving and appreciating my body enough to take a photo of my backside.

But that wasn’t enough. (I’m me after all.)

Recently, in my private FB Group, Live Lavishly: Turning up Your Power From the Boardroom To the Bedroom, (if you are a woman and are interested in joining us, click here, answer the two questions, and we’ll get you approved to join) I posted that ass selfie. Two actually.

Most of the women were supportive, inspired even, that I was comfortable enough with my body to do it. For what it’s worth, I have on underwear in the selfie, so it’s really no different than if you saw my backside at the pool in a two-piece bathing suit. Not exactly pornography. Not particularly daring, really. Maybe a little sexy.

A few women did not like it at all! They left the group because of it. I’m fine with that. I don’t need anyone to approve of my ass selfie. And if all of this bothers you and you want to unsubscribe or unfriend me on FB, please do so. It’s okay. Here’s why…

I want to be the author of my life. I want to be unapologetically authentic. Might I offend someone? Yes. Might I inspire someone? Yes. As far as my body goes, is it perfect? No. Do I look like a Victoria’s Secret model? Definitely not. Is my body beautiful? Yes. And that’s not just my opinion.

Here’s what happened last week.

I got tagged in a FB post for an open casting call for models to appear in a soon-to-be-published book called BARE. The author, Susan Hyatt, has been my coach, teacher, mentor and source of inspiration. I also have a girl-crush on the photographer for this photo shoot, Chelsea Sanders of Blueline. I figured, what the hell, I’ve posted an ass selfie in my FB Group, why not apply for this casting call. I had to submit five photos, at least one had to be in a bra and panties, because that’s what we’ll wear in the photo shoot. I applied.

I was chosen! I am one of 11 women selected to be featured in the book, BARE. I’ll be driving 11 hours to get to Indiana on Wednesday, then be “on set” from 9 – 5 Thursday, then drive 11 hours home on Friday. I can’t wait!

My life has changed.

When we love our bodies, take pleasure in our bodies, express ourselves through our bodies, in ways that feel good to us, when we write our own life story, when we chose to live unapologetically authentically, we are changed.

You don’t have to take an ass selfie. You do you. That’s the point. I have no interest in everyone being like me. I posted an ass selfie to inspire the women in my group to love their body. To not be afraid of their body. To not be ashamed of their body. That’s what felt right for me.

What will you do today to be unapologetically authentic?

Brenda

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, email me and we’ll schedule a quick, 10-minute call to see if working together is going to be transformational and magical for you. 🙂

 

 

Tired of working so hard?

Don’t you wish you could transform your life with pleasure instead of hard work?

You can.

I’ve learned how.

I’ve coached others to know how.

It can work for you.

It’s coming…

The Pleasure Power Program is on its way!

I’ve been creating a program to teach you the tools and skills you need so that you can use intentional pleasure to transform your life.

Intentional pleasure will change your life.

At work, in relationships, and especially that most important relationship - the one with yourself and your body. You can love your body. Right now. You can enjoy sex. Right now. It’s all possible.

And we’re going to do it through pleasure instead of hard work and pushing ourselves to do more.

Stay tuned…you’re going to hear a lot about this very soon!!

Live Lavishly Light Episode #27

Do you wish your health was better, or had more time to create and enjoy your life? 

Today I've got a fun, easy answer for how to be healthier, more productive and more creative! 

Check out the video right now! There's a special 5 Day Facebook Challenge I've started that will get you taking action and adding pleasure to your life. Yes, it's pleasure that improves your health, productivity and creativity. 

Not sure it works? Join us in the Pleasure Power 5 Day Challenge

Would it help if you were 30% more productive?

Being measurably more productive would allow for so many things.

More time to create.

More time to play.

More time to spend with family and friends.

More time to take care of your body.

More time to contribute to causes you care about.

How do we increase our productivity by over 30%?

Get happy. Or as I like to think about it, get more pleasure in your life.

There are studies by the Harvard Business Review showing that happy people are 31% more productive. If they are in sales, like my real estate friends and coaches listening, sales increase by 37% and people are three times more creative. All because they are happy.

Happiness includes a lot of things, but I know for sure it includes having pleasure in your life! And not just once in a while!

What if, instead of “pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps” when things are difficult, we stopped and evaluated where we could add more pleasure into our lives?

I don’t know about you, but it certainly sounds more fun.

The statistics indicate it’s a lot more effective.

Let’s try it!

Join me for the Pleasure Power 5 Day Facebook Challenge. It starts tomorrow, Monday, July 16 and runs through Friday. It’s easy. You register here. Monday morning, and each day through Friday, you’ll get an email from me with a short audio recording. That recording will inspire you and give you a pleasure challenge for the day. You’ll decide what you want to do and post about it in the Facebook group. Easy. Fun. One could even call it, pleasurable! On Friday, I draw one lucky winner, who has posted each day, to win a specially commissioned bracelet by jewelry designer, Nilla Webber.

Find out how much more productive and creative you can be in just five days!

Get all the information and register now. The pleasure begins tomorrow!

The Connection Between Health and Pleasure

Did you know that cortisol, a hormone your brain triggers when you are stressed, makes it five times more likely that you’ll die from a heart attack? Tell me, how much of your day is filled with stress?

We all know that stress isn’t good for us.

How do we change it? Is there really a way out?

There is.

I’ve experienced it. I’ve coached people through it.

Where do you begin?

Pleasure.

Yes, it’s that simple. Or, hard. We don’t often give ourselves permission to have pleasure in our lives. Especially not when life is stressful.

I’ve got a challenge for you.

I call it, The Pleasure Power 5 Day Facebook Challenge.

Join me for five days. Just five. Each day I’ll send you a short audio with a challenge for bringing a little pleasure into your life that day. You’ll decide what you want to do, then post something about it in a private Facebook group where a bunch of other awesome people are doing the same.

It will be fun and easy. You can even use it to reduce stress.

Get the information and register here. We start on Monday, July 16 and we’ll finish on Friday, July 20. There’s even a great prize (a commissioned piece of jewelry) for someone who posts in the FB Group each of the five days.

What have you got to lose….a deadly heart attack? I think it’s worth giving pleasure a shot!

When will we quit forgetting...

we have all the answers inside of us? 

Do you believe that? 

Is there somewhere inside of you where you KNOW you have everything you need? You are enough. You have all the things you need to live the life you desire. To live the highest expression of yourself. Where, just like that little acorn that has everything it needs to become a giant oak tree, you have everything you need to become everything you imagine? 

It's so easy to forget. 

It happens to me too. I think I need someone or something outside of me to open the door. The allow me to do what I want to do. To make me feel like I'm good enough or talented enough or creative enough to live the life of my dreams. 

Sometimes I even want someone to made me believe it's possible. To help me be brave. To give me the confidence. That's when I really know I've forgotten...that I have all the answers inside of me. 

Sure, it's nice to have people to support you and encourage you. But, when we NEED that. When we feel like we can't do what we want to do and feel driven to do, without their support and encouragement, we've lost track of our own power. We've given it to someone else. 

Take your power back. 

You're the one! 

Helping people remember that they are the answer to their question is my greatest joy as a coach. Helping them KNOW that they have the courage, the creativity, the boldness, bravery and that, without question, they are enough! That they are smart enough, creative enough, brave enough, young enough, old enough, good enough and above all, WORTHY of the live they crave. 

Join me and a group of amazing people on the journey to stop forgetting the answer to that question, to know that they are Enough Already in my online program, Enough Already. 

It's time. It's for you. You're the one. 

Get all the details and register here. Do it before Weds., July 11 and you'll get two amazing bonuses of group coaching and one-on-one coaching with me! 

See you there. 

What if getting lost is a good thing?

I think we all feel lost at times. 

We lose ourselves in our kids, spouses, jobs and in the responsibility of caring for others. 

Sometimes we get lost in life transitions. We move, have a baby, the baby goes to school, the baby grows up and leaves home, we get divorced or widowed, we lose a job or a friend.

All of life's transitions create opportunities to lose ourselves. We get so wrapped up in other people, their needs, their wants, the tasks at hand to pack up our belongings or adjust to a new job and a new city, and in the process, you stop thinking about yourself. 

Then one day you wake up and realize, little by little, piece by piece, you've given yourself away and you're not sure why or how it happened. 

If you're in that place now, please know, you are not alone. We've all done it. And you can take yourself back. Find yourself again. One piece at a time. 

Here's the real shocker.

I think it's good when we lose ourselves. 

Seriously??

Yes. I think it means it's time to rebuild. To reexamine your perspective of who you are and what you want. 

Losing yourself is actually an opening. It's a chance to reevaluate what you want in your life. It's like your psyche is helping you wipe the slate clean.  

If you happen to be in that place now, where you feel lost, where you've forgotten what you like and what excites you, then stop for a moment and be grateful for the journey. Tell yourself that this feeling lost is a gift. It's allowing you to look at everything you do and every relationship in your life and ask a very important question, "Is this loving to me?" Then you pause and wait for the answer. 

The answers don't always come immediately. 

Give yourself time and space. Don't press or push for the answers. Be open to whatever comes. 

When the answer comes, don't argue with it. Be open to possibility. Be open to a new way. That's why life brings us to these places. To give us a chance to find a new way. Maybe the answer is, "I need more help with the kids (or aging parent or disabled spouse.)" Don't dismiss it and tell yourself you can't afford it. Take that answer seriously. 

Explore possibilities. Rearrange your budget. Find help through community services or local churches. Barter something you enjoy doing for child-care or housecleaning or whatever it is you need. You'd be surprised how well bartering for services works. 

Be willing to give up something you didn't think you could give up. I don't mean give up taking care of yourself, I mean, give up volunteering at school or church. Or, give up a community organization you're involved in. If it doesn't pass the test of, "is this loving to me?" then it needs to go. Maybe it doesn't go forever, but it needs to go for now. 

Life leads us towards life. 

It is part of our nature to be driven towards life. To grow, not shrink. To live, not die. To flourish, not stagnate. When we feel lost, when we see ourselves shrinking and stagnate, it's a sign. A sign we need to examine our lives and move towards what is loving to us. One tiny step at a time. Move towards love. 

Live Lavishly Light Episode #25

Today I want you all to think about how easy it is to slip into that cultural norm of women being the givers and men being the provider.

The brilliant Chimamanda Adichie gave her friend parenting advice for raising a daughter, writing: "Teach her that to love is not only to give, but also to take." 

So let's talk about gender inequality in this Live Lavishly Light episode!

No failure. Is that possible?

I don’t know about you, but I can be pretty hard on myself.

At least I used to be.

It is a habit I’m definitely breaking.

Will you join me?

There's no such thing as failure.

Think back to some of your most valuable lessons. They probably involved a failure. I know mine do.

Here are a few of mine.

I ended my first marriage. This was my high school sweetheart. We had four kids together. I had always been taught that divorce was wrong. There were plenty of people, at the time, who also told me I was wrong to leave. It definitely felt like a failure!

It was also the catalyst to my learning who I was and what I wanted in my life. I had always lived my life based on what other people wanted and needed. In fact, most of the time I didn’t know what I wanted or needed, I was so lost in everyone else’s needs and wants. Leaving my marriage was the beginning of an opening. It’s an opening I’m still exploring. Discovering and expressing the very best version of myself.

I had a terrible failure professionally once. It involved the classic blunder of sending an email to the wrong people with the wrong content. I won’t go into all the gory details, but it cost me my job. I was suddenly looking for a new job. That led me to a job that expanded my skills tremendously. The leadership training and coaching I do in my business today is a direct result of what I learned in that job.

Now let’s combine relationships and jobs. I failed at both at the same time. I was single and unemployed. But, this time, I’m a little wiser… and older… but I wasn’t going to let my age get to me. I followed my heart. I didn’t start applying for jobs because it didn’t feel peaceful, it felt full of anxiety and stress. So… I spent most of my savings. OK. All of my savings. But, I kept believing that I would get what I needed by the time I needed it. I believed my lesson in that transition was to trust myself and my inner wisdom/inner Divine to lead me to my ideal job.

She did. I got inspired to contact someone I had worked for previously about a project we had discussed but put on hold. This inspiration came to me “out of the blue.” I’ve learned to trust that sort of inspiration at this point in my life. They hired me to do the project and offered me a fantastic job on top of the project! Suddenly I went from spending that last of my savings to a 6-figure salary.

None of these apparent-failures were failures. They liberated me from something in my life that really wasn’t working anymore into my next highest level of growth. How can that possibly be a failure?

If you knew-- I mean absolutely knew-- that there is no failure, what would you do?

Tell me!

I know for me this new attitude gives me boldness and confidence as I grow my business. It gives me confidence in relationships and as I look forward to the next year. I’m working on a new program that I’m incredibly passionate about, and I’m creating a new niche in my coaching practice that’s going to knock your socks off!

Why would I do that? Why not play it safe? Because there is no failure! I’m going for it!