Authenticity

Grab a Cocktail and Let's Get REAL Together!

I love to eat and drink with people.

There’s something about gathering around a good drink and some great food that allows for a certain intimacy and openness that isn’t always easy to find.

That’s why I always have my favorite hangouts in any city I visit often or live in.

Because I’m currently living a “location independent” lifestyle, I decided to create such a space myself!

In a perfect world, I’d make your drink for you, even fix some great appetizers or dinner, but alas…that also creates a lot of logistic limitations.  

I’m creating Cocktails and Coaching as a virtual answer to my logistic limitations!

While I can’t make your drink, I’ll count on your for that, I can create an open, safe and fun environment where we can hang out, have a few laughs and open up to the things that puzzle us, bother us, that we’re stuck on, pissed off by, surprised by and delighted by!

Nothing is off-limits in Cocktails and Coaching. You bring it. We’ll talk about it. I’ll give coaching tips and tricks, life-hacks and other bits of wisdom. (The more you drink the wiser I get!)

I’m also inviting a cool co-host each week. I’m stoked about that!

Our first Cocktails and Coaching will be on Wednesday, May 15, 5:00 pm Pacific, 8 pm Eastern.

We’ll gather in my private Facebook Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation. If you aren’t a member, use this link to join.

This is an “all guys, all gals” welcome sort of party! The FB Group is now open to men and women. I love coaching men and have always felt it unnatural to exclude them so... welcome guys!

To submit a question or topic you want us to discuss and coach around, just fill out the form on my website at www.BrendaFlorida.com/Cocktails-Coaching

My first co-host is the intuitive, gorgeous and incomparable, Jess Bubbico! Jess has a weekly radio show, Method Meets Magic and she is a genius, intuitive coach. You can find out more about Jess and her free Facebook Challenge here.

Let’s do it! Invite your friends. Submit your questions and topics. Grab your cocktail and join me, every Wednesday at 5 Pacific/8 Eastern in the Facebook Group, for Cocktails and Coaching!

I can't wait to see you at the first gathering of Cocktails and Coaching in the private FB Group, Live Lavishly, on Wednesday, May 13, 5 pm Pacific, 8 pm Eastern! 

I can’t…

What do you tell yourself you can’t do?

You can’t:

  • Lose weight

  • Get into shape

  • Surf (that was mine, more about that later)

  • Handle money responsibly

  • Get a better job

  • Start a business

  • Ask for a raise

  • Tell your spouse to stop doing what you don’t like

  • Ask for what you want in bed

  • Set a boundary with a friend

  • Stop taking care of others, even when you’re drained because they need you

  • Afford to take a vacation

I don’t care what it is. We tell ourselves all the time, that we can’t.

I’m sick of it!

I hate to rant… sort of, but this one kills me.

Either we can do it, or we don’t want to.

Because if we really want to, we’ll find a way. Otherwise, let’s be honest and say, “I don’t want to.”

It’s okay not to want to. You can, not-want-to put in the effort to get a better job, ask for a raise or start a business. Or, maybe you don’t really want to lose weight, get into shape or surf. While we live in a culture that values money, prestige, being thin and physically fit, you can buck the system and say, nope. That isn’t me. I don’t want to.

Cool. I can get behind that!

Here’s what I can’t get behind.

You have a thought that tells you, you aren’t good enough to do one of those things you want to do. Or a thought that tells you that you’re too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too out of shape, that your husband won’t listen, or your friend won’t respect your boundary, or you haven’t made enough money to go on vacation!

Those are the thoughts I cannot abide.

Those thoughts are not true.

I’ve told myself for the last couple of years that I can’t learn to surf. I’m too old, too out of shape, it’s too late for me. Then I met Alex. She’s a genius when it comes to the body and what’s possible. I told her I really wanted to surf, but couldn’t, because I was too old and out of shape and she said, “that’s not true! I can help you get into shape to surf. I’ll show you what to do and you do it. In six weeks, you’ll have confidence in your ability to surf.” *Note, that doesn’t mean I’ll be ready to surf, but I’ll know I can get there. Alex is honest as well as motivating!

I’m not saying I can’t surf anymore.  I am saying that I can get into shape so that I can.

As far as losing weight goes, that’s clear, I don’t want to.

It’s incredibly liberating to be honest with ourselves.

What do you need to be honest with yourself about?

If you really don’t want to do it, even if it’s not popular, just be honest and say, you don’t want to. You’ll feel how freaking liberating that is!

If you want to do something and you don’t know how to get there, like me with surfing, then stop saying you can’t, and find someone who can help you! That’s why we need fitness trainers, coaches and all other types of teachers and mentors. They help us get where we want to be when can’t seem to get ourselves there.

Just do it, as Nike says. Hire the coach, hire the fitness trainer, book the vacation, lose the weight, whatever it is that you want…you CAN do it!

I’d love to chat with you about whether or not I can help you in the coaching department. It’s super easy, schedule a 10-minute call with this link, and we’ll figure it out. Easy, peasy.

xoxo,
Brenda

Calling all Women Entrepreneurs!

I love women entrepreneurs!

Here’s what I want for all of us… 

Let’s be the Queen of our business.

A Queen is bold.

She’s brave.

She’s thoughtful in her endeavors.

She leads her Queendom with clarity and confidence.  

She makes decisions and trusts her judgement.

She gets advice when needed. After considering the advice, she stands in her truth and power, whether others agree or disagree, knowing that she must be true to her own inner wisdom.  

She enjoys her position, her wealth and her influence in the Queendom, without guilt or shame.

She knows she is worthy. Capable. Competent.

Is it easy? No.

Does she always know she is right? No.

Does she ever experience doubt? Of course she does. She is human and she accepts that truth as well.

She makes mistakes and forgives herself.

As the Queen she also knows she knows she has been chosen for this life. To lead. To serve.

She showers herself with love and care. She allows herself pleasure. She knows when she is happy and healthy she serves her Queendom from the highest expression of herself.

Whether she has a man beside her as king, or in her bedroom as a lover, she takes charge of her own sexual pleasure. She knows what her body wants. She can express those desires to her lover and she takes responsibility for her sexual needs and desires, alone or with her lover.

She keeps her heart and mind focused on what she wants for herself and for her Queendom, moving through her day with dignity, power and grace. Offering gratitude for everything.

She does not tolerate cruelty. She knows when to say no. And doesn’t allow others to use her power for their benefit. She knows that not everyone around her has pure intentions. She stands firm in her boundaries, never diminishing her wants, desires or values, goals. She speaks with clarity and confidence.

She never apologizes for her position, her beauty, power or her decisions.

She knows she is a work in progress and that every challenge is a lesson that causes her to become a better version of the Queen she already is.

Will you stand with me and be the Queen of your business and life?  

Join me for my upcoming Masterclass, Be the Queen of your Business, September 27th at 7 pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific. Register here and get your crown ready!

Your body is not an apology

Regardless

  • of size. 
  • of the color of your skin.
  • of your height. 
  • of the color of your hair. 
  • of your sexual orientation.
  • of your gender identity (if you even want to have one.)
  • of whether someone has abused that beautiful body. 

You are beautiful.

You are lavish. 

You are a unique expression of the Divine. 

I recently read the fabulous book, The Body is Not an Apology, by Sonja Renee Tayler.  I highly recommend it. She's a serious badass and she's serious about radical self-love. 

Tonight, I have over 100 women who have registered to join me for the Masterclass, Be the Sex Queen of Your Life. 

I'm serious about empowering women sexually. 

When we feel empowered sexually, regardless of all the things listed above, regardless of being single or in a relationship, we experience radical transformation. It improves our health. Reduces stress. Makes us more productive and creative. 

Seriously, aren't the benefits worth it? Our sex lives often get set to the side as 'not that important.'  

I'm here to tell you, your health, creativity, productivity and stress levels are worthy of your attention. 

Join me tonight for Masterclass, Be the Sex Queen of your Life at 7 pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific. Register to get the link to join us and the workbook. 

If you are interested in exploring what it would be like to work with me one-on-one about your sex life, let's schedule a 10 minute call to see if, and how, I can help you. I'll be honest, I've lived the spectrum from being sexually abused as a child, never having an orgasm in my marriage, being shut down sexually, shut-off from my body and thinking I was frigid; to learning how to connect to, and love my body, and how to love sex! I can relate to where you are in your journey. I'd love to work together! You can email me at Brenda@BrendaFlorida.com. Just put 10 min call in the subject line. I'll know what you mean. :) You deserve to be the Sex Queen of your life! 

 

It's Happening!

I’m in Bloomington, Indiana today! We report to the super-secret photo shoot location at 9:00 a.m. For approximately, eight hours I’ll be hanging out with 10 other delightful women, photographer, Chelsea Sanders, hair and make-up artists, and the crew needed for such a project. All of us models, in our bras and panties, while we get our photos taken. Not a normal Thursday for me.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I wrote about it in Sunday’s blog. Check it out here.

The short version of the story is I applied to an open casting call, for models, to appear in a book called, BARE.

You KNOW I’ll have a lot to say after this beautiful experience! Watch for that!

Follow the adventure on FB with me too! My personal page is here. My private FB Group, for women only, is here.

Sending you love and body positivity!

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, hit reply to this email and we’ll schedule a quick, 10-minute call to see if working together is going to be transformational and magical for you. 🙂

How an ass selfie changed my life

Have you ever taken an ass selfie? It’s not easy. Thankfully, I had a teacher. The incomparable and unapologetically authentic Lux Atl (pole dancer, PhD, feminist) has one on YouTube. You can check it out here. Don’t try an ass selfie without it!

One weekend last winter I had my girlfriends over, for what we call, Goddess Weekend, and I suggested we try to do ass selfies. It was great fun. Trust me, even with the tutorial, it takes some effort!

That photo has been sitting in my phone for six months.

Why does any of this matter? 

I was sexually abused as a little girl. I’ve had a very difficult history with my body. I’ve hated it, cut myself off from it, scorned it, criticized it and even been ashamed of it.

It’s quite liberating to go from body-shame and disconnect, to loving and appreciating my body enough to take a photo of my backside.

But that wasn’t enough. (I’m me after all.)

Recently, in my private FB Group, Live Lavishly: Turning up Your Power From the Boardroom To the Bedroom, (if you are a woman and are interested in joining us, click here, answer the two questions, and we’ll get you approved to join) I posted that ass selfie. Two actually.

Most of the women were supportive, inspired even, that I was comfortable enough with my body to do it. For what it’s worth, I have on underwear in the selfie, so it’s really no different than if you saw my backside at the pool in a two-piece bathing suit. Not exactly pornography. Not particularly daring, really. Maybe a little sexy.

A few women did not like it at all! They left the group because of it. I’m fine with that. I don’t need anyone to approve of my ass selfie. And if all of this bothers you and you want to unsubscribe or unfriend me on FB, please do so. It’s okay. Here’s why…

I want to be the author of my life. I want to be unapologetically authentic. Might I offend someone? Yes. Might I inspire someone? Yes. As far as my body goes, is it perfect? No. Do I look like a Victoria’s Secret model? Definitely not. Is my body beautiful? Yes. And that’s not just my opinion.

Here’s what happened last week.

I got tagged in a FB post for an open casting call for models to appear in a soon-to-be-published book called BARE. The author, Susan Hyatt, has been my coach, teacher, mentor and source of inspiration. I also have a girl-crush on the photographer for this photo shoot, Chelsea Sanders of Blueline. I figured, what the hell, I’ve posted an ass selfie in my FB Group, why not apply for this casting call. I had to submit five photos, at least one had to be in a bra and panties, because that’s what we’ll wear in the photo shoot. I applied.

I was chosen! I am one of 11 women selected to be featured in the book, BARE. I’ll be driving 11 hours to get to Indiana on Wednesday, then be “on set” from 9 – 5 Thursday, then drive 11 hours home on Friday. I can’t wait!

My life has changed.

When we love our bodies, take pleasure in our bodies, express ourselves through our bodies, in ways that feel good to us, when we write our own life story, when we chose to live unapologetically authentically, we are changed.

You don’t have to take an ass selfie. You do you. That’s the point. I have no interest in everyone being like me. I posted an ass selfie to inspire the women in my group to love their body. To not be afraid of their body. To not be ashamed of their body. That’s what felt right for me.

What will you do today to be unapologetically authentic?

Brenda

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, email me and we’ll schedule a quick, 10-minute call to see if working together is going to be transformational and magical for you. 🙂

 

 

What do you want?

It’s not a trick question.

If you took off the limits.

If you had the money.

If you had the time.

If you stopped judging it as impossible.

Do you know what you want?

We often think in terms of what we DON'T want. Enough already!

I want to hear about what you want.

What inspires you? What lights you up?

It doesn't have to make sense. You don't need to know how to do it. 

What would you stay up late, or get up early to do?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get to the end of my life wondering if I lived it to the fullest.  I want to “suck all the marrow out of life.” I don’t want to miss anything.

I want to hear about what you want. The sky's the limit. Shock me. Wow me. Inspire me. Make me think. 

Tell me what you want in the comments below. Just writing it down might spark some magic around making it come true.

Be brave. Tell me.

You're really just too much!

Moving too fast. Doing too much. Wanting too much. Risking too much. Too much.

Guilty as charged!  

Maybe you can relate to this. Since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to do a lot, see a lot, laugh a lot, be too loud, and live an exciting life. As you might guess, that got me in a little bit of trouble from time-to-time when I was young. As an adult, it’s gotten me into lots of trouble! I can’t tell you how many times people have told me, in one way or another, that I am too much. Sometimes they mean it admirably, sometimes, not so much.

I tend to move fast, make changes frequently, and take a lot of risks.

What do I mean? I’ve had two businesses that I sold, and third that I’m in the process of growing. I’ve left dream jobs to follow a different dream. I’ve moved. Holy smokes have I moved. I moved my family (3 teenagers, one in elementary school) from their home in NC to PA. Since then I’ve moved in PA nine times, once I make my next move in a few weeks. I’ve left two marriages and one significant relationship. I put all my belongings in storage and went to San Diego for eight months to recover from a break-up and decide who I wanted to be when I grew up. I was 53. Am I a flake?

A friend once described me as someone who jumps out of an airplane without knowing if I have a parachute, believing I’ve either got one or somehow I’ll find one on my way down. I’ve had friends imply that I leave relationships too quickly. Reminding me that all relationships have their rough patches and I leave before my partner and I can get past that. I know I’ve given my mother, my friends, and maybe my adult children, a few sleepless nights with this adventurous life I’ve led.

What would I change?

Nothing. Not one damn thing. Was some of it painful? Sure. Was some of it scary? Hell yes.

But here’s the interesting thing I recently realized.

Even with the wisdom of hindsight, there’s not one relationship I wish I had stayed in longer.

There’s not one job I wish I hadn’t left.

There’s not one risk I wish I hadn’t taken.

No regrets.

I love how fast I move

I love that I take risks. I love that I leave when I know in my gut that the job or the business or the relationship isn’t working. I don’t waste time on things that don’t work.

I know it’s not the life that everyone wants, that’s okay too. But it’s the life I want.

A very good friend said recently, “you won’t stop until there’s a tombstone over you.” He was right. The older I get, the more I challenge my pre-conceived ideas of what’s possible after 50. After 60. After 70…I don’t want to stop. Slow down. Quit risking. Quit loving. Quit growing.

Can you relate?

What do you like, or how do you live in ways that are outside of the ordinary? Ways that might invite criticism or disbelief from others? I’d love to hear how you might be considered "too much."

I hope you’ll continue with me in the journey of being too much! I don’t plan on stopping and I hope you won’t either!

What to do when you don’t feel brave enough

Life if full of opportunities to step up. 

To say “yes.” Or maybe it’s “no,” that takes more courage.

It takes courage to be authentic.

To speak our truth.

To open a business, write a blog, or ask for a raise.

I remember when I went to work after being a stay-at-home mother for 10 years. That was terrifying! I had very little confidence. I felt like an imposter every day.

How can we prepare for such things?

Sometimes we can anticipate that we’re going to get an invitation to be brave. Other times, it’s unexpected.  

I suggest you practice. What do I mean? Practice being brave?

Yes. So often we try to avoid anything that feels risky. We avoid doing something we may fail at.

Big mistake! Bravery can be practiced. It’s a skill you can build by doing it. By doing it often.

Start small. Ask for a free coffee at your favorite coffee shop. Will they tell you no? Probably. There. You just survived a rejection, a disappointment. You might have been embarrassed or felt foolish. Other people in line heard you make a ridiculous request. Let the embarrassment roll by. Smile. Hold your head high. Say “thank you” to the barista. You’re in your own training regime. That’s all that matters.

When you leave you’ll feel the feeling of being brave enough to do it. And what if… What if the barista says “sure.” You’ll be giving yourself high-fives for being so brave!

If this seems ridiculous. I’ll give you the method to my madness. You see, it doesn’t really matter whether the barista says yes, or no. For you, it’s about the practice of asking for something that you wouldn’t normally ask for. That’s part of what being brave is. Doing something you wouldn’t normally do. It doesn’t have to be jumping out of a plane.

Here’s the other reason it will strengthen your bravery muscle: you’re not attached to the outcome. I mean, really, it doesn’t matter if they say yes or no. The point is being brave enough to ask. Being detached from the outcome is a freedom all it’s own.

The real magic?

When we practice being brave in situations that don’t matter, that aren’t important, we are much more likely to be brave when it is important! How can I expect myself to be brave in speaking my truth to my lover, spouse or boss, when I can’t be brave with a barista about something that isn’t even that important? With a little practice you will be able to tap into that practiced bravery when it matters.  

 

Own your brilliance

What does it mean to own your brilliance?

This is one of my favorite topics in the world right now.

For years, I’ve been telling my closest friends, “I need to own my brilliance.” What did I mean by that?

It’s about knowing who you are. What your unique gifts are. Your unique expression in the world.

It begins with knowing that it’s you. You’re the one.

Then you expand it. You do the thing you were meant to do. Say the things you were meant to say. Dream the dreams you were meant to dream. And you own it!

I didn’t truly “get this” until I went to Paris this summer. If you want to read about that liberating and transformative experience, I wrote all about it with Confessions of a traveler,  A Living Obituary and Your own Paris Transformation.

Today, we’ll talk about how you can own your brilliance. Check it out and do it! Own it! The world needs you.

And don’t forget to download your FREE copy of the Own Your Brilliance guided meditation. It’s a great tool to support you on your path to owning your brilliance.

It's You! You're the one.

It’s you! You’re the one.

There is no one just like you. Of all the people on this over-populated planet, there’s not one that is just like you. Or me, for that matter.

You are a unique expression of the Divine.

You have unique gifts and ideas that the world needs.

It’s so liberating to allow yourself to feel and act out of your uniqueness.

It’s not arrogant. It’s not egotistical.

I really 'got this' when I was in Paris this summer. I have my own unique gifts and I need to be the best me I can be. 

I love Marianne Williamanson’s quote on just that topic. I’ll tell you about it in the video.

Let’s talk about how to know that you’re it. You’re the one!

Who Do You Think You Are?

Who Do You Think You Are?

We often create our identity by the roles we play, mother, father, son, daughter, friend, or who we are professionally. "I'm a lawyer, a fitness coach, a life coach." I live in this neighborhood and drive this car. But, is that really who we are?

What if all of it were taken away? Who are you then?

We are so much more than what we think, the roles we play, the things we have. I began learning this the hard way, as is often the way of things. In a time of significant loss, I began to liberate myself from the identity I had for myself.

In today's video I'll share my story and give you a challenge. A challenge that can liberate you, just like it did me.

Get videos and other cool  stuff to Live Lavishly every day right here.

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