How to empower yourself through questions

Most of us ask ourselves questions that lead us to answers that do NOT empower us! 

When we change the questions we ask ourselves, we can change how empowered we feel. 

In today’s episode of Uncover and Elevate I’ll share specific examples of questions that disempower and some of my favorites that will empower you! 

You can listen to today’s episode HERE. 

Let me know if these empowering questions help you! I always love to hear from you! 

Please share this episode on social and tag me! Then I’d love for you to post a 5 Start Review wherever you get your podcasts. It makes such a big difference and will help others find the show. I’ll be incredibly grateful!

Does this happen to you?

Do the darker, colder days of winter seem to zap your energy? 

Is it harder to stay motivated? 

Is it harder to keep yourself from drifting into cold and dark places in your mind? 

When you’re sitting in the dark do you find yourself asking, what did I do wrong? Why are these difficult things happening to me? When will things get easier? 

Whatever the challenge, or even despair is, I promise you, asking questions that  start with “Why?” and “When?” rarely help. 

In fact, they will lead you into a long tunnel of self-judgment and blame. They are dis-empowering questions. 

Try this instead, first, turn the lights on! Literally and figuratively. Anything that will add more literal light and will lighten your mood. Grab your cat or put on uplifting music. Whatever it  takes. 

Then, start by making a list of 10 things you are grateful for, including things about yourself. Things you’ve done, awesome decisions you’ve made, lovely relationships you have, the things in your life you love and appreciate. Make a list of 20 or 30 if you want. Once you get started on your list, your “Why” and “When” questions may disappear into the ethers by themselves. If they do, don’t call them back! Let them go! 

Once your surroundings and mood are lighter and your gratitude list long, ask yourself, “How could this be for my ultimate benefit?” or my favorite, “What is seeking to emerge?” Those are empowering questions. 

We can look back on the most horrific things and see how they benefited us, how they shaped the spectacular people we are today. No need to wait for hindsight. Brainstorm. How can you benefit from what’s going on? Or, who is it helping you become? I can tell you, it’s helping you become the next highest expression of yourself! 

You are brilliant and glorious. There’s no one like you! Nothing is wrong with you. Everyone has shit happen. Everyone makes shit decisions from time to time. 

The universe has a beautiful way of turning all into gold for our future self. 

I was lying to myself…

My entire life I have told myself I am not athletic. Along with all the things that go along with that. So, I don’t like to exercise, I don’t like to go hiking, I don’t want to try new things that are physical, I don’t participate in community recreational activities, etc. 

Why did I tell myself that? Why did I believe it? I don’t even know. I don’t remember a gym teacher shaming me or telling me I sucked at gymnastics or anything else I tried. I even won some regional track meet ribbons. I crushed my opponents in tetherball being the tallest 5th grader around. As a teenager I easily learned to ice skate and ski since we lived in the mountains of Colorado. I was a particularly good skier. 

Still… the thought in my own head, the “story” I had, that I wasn’t athletic, remained. Despite mounting evidence that it wasn’t true. 

That’s how the mind works. Once we’ve told ourselves (or heard from others) the same things over and over. Boom. It becomes a belief. We believe it’s true. Even if it’s not. 

About a month ago, it hit me. I might be athletic. I don’t think it’s true that I’m not athletic. 

All of a sudden, I wanted to try a spin class.  I wanted to join a gym to get the support, encouragement and accountability I WANTED. That's an important distinction. I wanted the support, encouragement and accountability because now I’m doing something new that I WANT to do! It’s not something I’m MAKING myself do because I’m SUPPOSED TO. Yuk! I hate those words… supposed to. 

It’s so much easier to take action that supports us when we are in alignment with what’s true instead of a lie we believe is true. 

What have you believed that may not be true? Tell me! I can’t wait to hear about it! You don’t even have to know for sure that it’s not true. Just consider it. What if… 

What do you want to be when you grow up?

It’s a question we ask kids all the time. 

I wonder, when was the last time you asked yourself that question? 

I ask it myself frequently. Who do I want to be? Because “growing up” is a continual process. And who I used to be is nothing like who I am now. 

Who we have been does not determine who we CAN be. 

I used to be a rigid, and while I hate to admit it, a judgmental evangelical Christian. Of course not all Christians are like I was but I was the kind who told you that you were going to hell unless you “asked Jesus into your heart.” I believed, without question, that everyone who believed differently than what my church preached as “the Truth” was going to hell. 

I used to believe all sex outside of marriage was a sin. 

I used to believe as a woman, I had less value than a man. 

I used to believe it was my job to support, serve and care for everyone around me, without complaint and without even thinking about my own needs, because, after all, they were second, third or even farther down the list of priorities. Smile and serve. 

I used to believe that if I happened to think I was good at something, that was arrogant and being arrogant was shameful. So, if I did manage to feel good about something I did or a talent I had, I would immediately feel bad because I had felt good. 

I am happy to say, I do not believe ANY of those things anymore. 

It was a long hard road for me. Almost everything I have become was counter to what I was raised with. But somewhere along the way I understood, if I didn’t start prioritizing myself and choosing situations, work and relationships that valued me and honored me, I would die. 

That may sound dramatic but if you’ve given yourself to others, on an ongoing basis at your own expense, you know what I mean. It’s exhausting and you begin to lose yourself to the extent that you feel invisible - which is very much a death. A death of your inner being. 

Today I turn 61 years old and I’m still asking, who do I want to be when I grow up? Because for me, the trajectory of growth is never ending. Not in an exhausting way, in an exhilarating way! 

And I know the secret to me becoming an even higher expression in myself is about being willing to let go of old beliefs and thoughts that limit me.  That’s why I love coaching. With every client, in a way that is unique for them, I coach them into releasing their old beliefs and thoughts that limit and diminish them and claim the magnificent being that they truly are! 

I’d love to chat with you about working with me. Use this link: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11249251&appointmentType=8395116 to book a call and we'll talk.

What Can You Do About Your Mother?

I’m a mother, so this isn’t a “let's blame the mothers episode.” And… the truth is most of us have been challenged with setting boundaries with our mothers and knowing how to handle situations that upset them. I know I have! 

There’s a good reason for that. For many of us, it was our relationship with our mother, or other primary caregiver that set our people-pleasing habits into motion. 

It can be a challenge to recreate our relationship from one of parent - child to parent-empowered individual. It’s possible to have empathy for your parents and know that they did the best they could to raise us, and have empathy towards yourself for the ways your childhood was difficult or painful to you. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I outline the process that you can use to look at the relationship with your mother, question it, and do a reset to create the exact relationship that you want with her as an adult.

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

The Question That Will Change Your Life: An Interview with Kwavi

Today’s guest on Liberate Your People Pleaser is on a mission to empower a million women in their 50s and over to create a future more exciting than their past and change the world for the better. And that’s why she decided to write and publish her amazing book “50 Questions to Answer When You Reach 50”  Her book is helping women redefine for themselves how they want to live this next chapter of their lives.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser we’re going through some of the questions of the book with the author and  today’s guest, Kwavi . She is a certified life coach for midlife women, author, speaker, entrepreneur, international retreat creator and a lifelong member of Team Have Fun. 

Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Where are you flying high?

It was a weekend of highs and lows… in several ways. 

Huntington Beach hosted the Pacific Airshow this last weekend. It was exciting to have the Blue Angels and other masterful pilots doing stunts and various acrobatics right over my apartment. Literally!  

But there was also a big oil spill right off the coast of Huntington Beach overnight Saturday night, canceling the final day of the airshow and closing the beach indefinitely. 

It made me think about where I am “flying high” in my life and where I feel like those acrobatic pilots, stalling out and spiraling down to crash!

The oil slick is an unfortunate metaphor for how we can have a crack or weak spot in our system and just like that, there’s a leak! Black thick yuk is spreading and we’re not sure how to stop it. 

I have felt all three of these in various areas of my life. I’m flying high in my business right now! Nothing thrills me more than to have my calendar booked up with client appointments. YES! THERE’S STILL ROOM FOR YOU! I’m not completely full so if you’ve been wondering if coaching would benefit you, let’s  get on a call and find out. It’s easy, just use this link: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11249251&appointmentType=8395116 

I feel like I’m stalled out and maybe crashing in the dating arena. I was having fun on the dating app I’m on for a while, but I’ve lost interest. Stalling out can be interesting because it could be that you’ve stalled for a reason. To make room for something else on the way or to “rest” from something for a while. That’s how I feel about dating. 

But stalling can also be a sign that something is already unraveling and you need to pay attention to it. I help clients with this sort of thing a lot. Is it time to open up, or time to attend to something or let things play out for a bit? One of my favorite questions in a time like this is, “if nothing changed, what could be seeking to emerge?”

As for that oil spill, I’ve been there plenty of times. Leaving relationships, careers, financial set-backs, heartbreak with adult children, any number of things can feel like that big black oil spill creating havoc and destruction as it spreads. 

Whatever it is for you, I want you to know, you are not alone! 

I have been there in one way or the other. Our stories may be different but the feelings and stressful thoughts are the same. 

I invite you to get support where you need support and to celebrate where you need to celebrate!

I’m here, ready, willing and able to be the “clean up crew” to your oil spill or the co-pilot to help you pull out of that downward spiral. 

No matter what, you have within you everything you need to fly high! Let me know how I can help! 

What Do You Want to Slay?

I’m Sick and tired of being sick and tired”

A sentence that almost all of us say to ourselves at some point.

When you’re truly sick and tired, you want a solution and want it now! It may be something that you’ve been struggling with your whole life or it could be something that came up yesterday. What you feel is that sense of urgency to solve the problem NOW! It’s time to slay that thing!

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some  very important question which is the main theme of our today’ topic:

What Do You Want to Slay?

And much more.. Also I’m more than happy to announce my new SLAY DAY offer: It’s time to clear the deck! You’re going to spend 6 hours of uninterrupted time with me! We’ll laugh, (we might even cry,) we’ll unpack The Solve It Method™ and apply the four elements: Desire, Action, Thoughts and Feelings to the issue you need a solution to. 

Find out more about The Solve It Method™ Slay day HERE. 

Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Do you want an upgrade?!

I woke up yesterday morning and thought, “I need to upgrade my office!” 

There wasn’t anything “wrong” with it. 

I live in a small studio apartment so there’s not a lot of space. When I moved in I carved out a small area by the front door and put my desk, printer, office supplies and notebooks there. Much of it was in a neat pile on the floor. Not bad. It certainly met my needs. 

But yesterday I knew… it was time for an upgrade. I decided I needed a bookshelf to put supplies, notebooks, markers, etc. on. I made a run to Target, spent $25 on a bookshelf and Voila! An hour later, even with building the bookshelf, I had an upgraded office! 

I felt like a million bucks. It was a huge improvement for such a small change. 

Life is like that. We can often make a small change that end up having a big impact. 

Where do you need an upgrade in your life? It might be in your physical space, like mine was. Or it might be emotionally, spiritually or in your body. 

We often tell ourselves until we have the time, money or motivation for a big upgrade there’s no point. 

But that’s a lie. 

You can reap huge benefits from a small change. I don’t always say this, but in this case… think small. 

You could: 

• Take 10 minutes looking at a gorgeous flower or something else in nature to rest your mind and feed your soul.

• Clean out that one drawer that makes you crazy. Not an entire closet, just one drawer. 

• Read, listen or watch something inspiring for 5 minutes, three times a day. That’s only 15 minutes, but spread through the day, it will change your day. 

• Change your dish soap to a scent that gives you joy! I love lavender all year, this time of year I like something that smells like fall. I might as well enjoy the smell of the bubbles while I wash the pans! 

There are so many things you can do. Start today. What needs an upgrade in your life and what can you do today to take a small upgraded step? 

This is What’s Possible

What if in one day you could:

• “Uncover the rocky places you are wrestling with.”

• Be.. “seen, heard and acknowledged while being recognized and respected. On top of that, finding a way to take the steps that YOU want to take with compassion, ease  and brilliance.”

• “Root out the lies you’re telling yourself that are keeping you stuck.”

• Live from this mantra: “I’m choosing not to let my mind go to those fears and doubts.”

• “ Instantly move toward your professional and personal goals.”

• Get “inspired to bring out your fun side.”

What if you spent the entire day with someone “completely focused on you and your goals.”

What would be possible? 

What would you do with that day? 

I am creating that day for you. Everything in the list above is something a client said after working with me. 

Let’s create those things for you. 

I’m offering a Solve It Method™Slay Day! This is a day devoted to diving into whatever it is personally or professionally that has you overwhelmed and frustrated. 

It might be a relationship, a situation, a “problem” that has been bothering you for a while and you’re ready to be done with it. 

Interested? Curious? Tell me about it. DM me and tell me what it is that you want to liberate yourself from. I bet we could slay it with a Solve It Method™ Slay Day! 

Are You Empowered or Exhausted?

It’s “Back to School” time and in many US states and places around the world, kids are going back to school the old fashioned way… face-to-face. 

Whew! Moms out there everywhere (and Dads)… you made it! (Assuming everyone stays healthy and restrictions don’t tighten sending the kiddos back home!)

Whether you have any kids in school or not, let’s face it, the last year or so has been a dooooooosy! 

I wonder, are you feeling exhausted by it all or empowered? Just because we’re empowered doesn’t mean we don’t get tired, so when I say “exhausted” I mean it in that, totally spent, hanging-on-by-a thread way. 

I know a lot of folks that feel that way. I feel it at times. It’s like I hit a wall and I can’t do any more. Or I have the thought, “I just can’t take one more thing!” 

A client said that to me this week, “I just can’t take another disappointment!” 

If you can relate, I’m here for you in this. 

Here’s the deal. You can take one more thing. One more disappointment. One more set-back. I hope you don’t have one, but I promise, there’s an empowered you that can take it and take it all. 

When we feel like that empowered version of ourself has vacated the premises, what do we do? 

1. You respond to yourself in love, not self-criticism or blaming others. There’s NO power in blame, so while it is empowering to hold someone accountable - I’m a big fan of that! - blame is an entirely different dynamic. It feels good for a minute, because we can tell ourselves it’s not our fault. But because we have no power over anyone but ourselves, it leaves us feeling like a victim. 

2. You get the support you need. You might need to explore hiring me as your coach. This is what I do with clients. I get them out of being exhausted and into being empowered. My client who felt she couldn’t handle one more disappointment - by the end of the session she had her plan and was ready to work the plan. What was the plan? It was her personalized solution to replacing her fear with her empowered thoughts and feelings that KNOW she can handle whatever comes at her. That’s a victory! Or, you may need a housekeeper to take some of the load off you, a personal assistant to run errands, etc.

3. You double-down on self-care. The worse things are, the more you need to allow yourself to rest, eat foods that nourish you (instead of numb you,) move your body in ways that feel good, fill your mind with inspiring podcasts (Liberate Your People Pleaser is a good one! 😉) Youtube videos, books, whatever it takes so that your possibilities feel bigger than your problems. 

It will feel counterintuitive to dive into self-care when you feel exhausted, you think you need to do more, catch up, you rationalize, you’ll rest later. You will tell yourself you don’t possibly have time to start coaching with me, even if you know it’s a good idea. You think, now’s not the right time. But here’s the deal….

After spending 2.5 years of everything I wanted going down the drain, losing everything, unbelievable amounts of stress with no relief in sight, I PROMISE you, I know what I’m talking about. I learned the hard way how to do numbers 1, 2, and 3 above. 

I’d love to know where you’re at in the exhaustion to empowered equation and I’m curious, which of the three strategies above is the most difficult for you?

Empowerment and Freedom in 90 Days?

Do you ever think about what your life could be like in 90 days? 

Most of us don’t. We keep going, day after day. Months go by. Years go by. 

One day, we’re struck by the thought, “how did I get here?” Or, “how did so much time pass?”

I am going to invite you to be intentional about the next 90 days.  In 90 days we’ll be entering the holiday season with Thanksgiving right around the corner. 

What would you like to do now so that when November rolls around you’re thinking, “Wow! I didn’t know I could feel this much freedom and empowerment!” As one of my clients said to me recently, “I didn’t know how much every area of my life would improve once I started setting boundaries!” 

For her empowerment and freedom came through setting boundaries. For you, it might be something different… or you might also need the liberation setting boundaries provides. 

Whatever it is, we can begin the process now. That way in November you’ll be entering the holiday season as your “new self.” 

You deserve to experience the most liberated, empowered, confident, grounded, abundant and generous version of yourself. To see how much better everything in your life can be. 

This is my invitation to work with me over the next 90 days. I created a one-on-one coaching package called, It’s Your Turn. Because, damn it, it is!! 

All you need to do is complete this brief form, https://brendaflorida.typeform.com/to/jcuQt1LR 

I’ll reach out to you after that we’ll decide if I am the right coach for you and if now is the right time. 

Space is limited so choose to invest in yourself now. It’s Your Turn. 

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re moving through your day, everything is going smoothly and then…. You’re hit with a feeling that you didn’t see coming. 

Maybe you find out an ex has passed away, or a friend got promoted including a big fat raise, or a neighbor is moving out of the area; and grief, jealousy or abandonment bubble up like foam on an ice cold beer! 

You’re thinking, WTF? 

You’ve not been close to your ex for years and resolved all your feelings around the breakup years ago. 

You’re happy for your friend and their success. 

You know you’ll stay in touch with the neighbor after they move, you have a great connection. 

So where do all these “negative” feelings come from? 

The truth is, it may not have anything to do with the actual situation. But it does have to do with that feeling and other times in your life it’s been buried or suppressed. 

When we don’t allow ourselves to feel what we feel and to validate the feelings, they go underground. Like these 17-year Cicadas I’ve experienced this summer visiting my daughter and her family in Baltimore, MD. 

This particular species of Cicadas are dormant for 17 years then for six-weeks they fly around, make tons of noise, lay eggs and die. The noise they make, collectively when thousands of them are in one backyard, is creepy and astonishing! 

But back to our feelings! They can be like those Cicadas. Laying dormant for years, then something happens that “wakes them up!” And there they are, making all sorts of astonishing “noise” in your life! 

What do we do? The preventative action is to allow ourselves the time and space to feel our feelings no matter what they are and how inconvenient it is. That’s part of why coaching provides so much value to my clients, they get the space they need to feel all their feelings, and they get them validated. When that happens, they subside pretty quickly. Even the big ones. 

If it’s too late for that and you realize a feeling has “awakened” that’s OK. Now you know, it’s something that you didn’t give yourself the time and space for before. When have you felt that way in the past? What might still be unresolved from that experience? Journal about it, get it out. Call a friend, book a session with me. Whatever you need to give yourself and the feeling the time and attention you need and deserve so the feeling can subside in a loving, natural way. 

I’d love to hear what feelings you have that “awaken” like a Cicada! Comment down below and tell me about it. 

Why You Don't Need Fixing!

We get these ideas about not being good enough, or something is wrong with us, otherwise… things would be different. 

I am here to say, loud and clear! That is NOT TRUE! 

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! And you do not need fixing. 

What we all need is fine-tuning, or opening up to a higher version of ourselves that doesn’t have all the personal criticisms and judgments that limit us so much! 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser, you’ll get some tools for turning down the volume on that judgmental voice and turning up the volume on that empowering, loving voice that is within you. 

Listen to the episode HERE.

In Power and Grace,

Brenda

Are You Good at Asking for What You Need?

It can be amazingly difficult to ask for what we need. 

There may be some topics or with certain people, that it’s easy, but for most of us, it feels more complicated. 

If we’re pretty sure the person isn’t going to want to give us what we ask for, we might get triggered into anger, or overly justifying and rationalizing why we are asking. 

In today’s Liberate Your People Pleaser episode, I’ll break down how to ask for what you need in a way that is compelling and simple. 

Get it all in today’s episode… right HERE.

Can You Be a People Pleaser in the Bedroom?

One of the tell-tale signs of people pleasing, when it’s not one of our super-powers, is that we aren’t really clear on what it is that we want. 

We get so wrapped up in what we think other people want and need, we can lose track of our own wants and needs. 

That can be disastrous in the bedroom. Trust me, I know. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I share a very personal story of my journey from being sexually abused as a kid and thinking I was frigid in my marriage to liberating myself to a fun and pleasurable life in the bedroom! 

If I can do it, so can you. 

I’ve got the first step for you in today’s episode. Listen to it HERE. 

Please DM me or email me if you need support in this area. You do not need to figure it out alone. I’m here as your guide on the journey. 

In love and pleasure, 

Brenda