Sexuality

Exclusive Advice from a Painting

Who knew posing for this pinup painting would teach me so much?! 

When you lay around in your underwear for a painter, even a female one, it's transformative. 

What were the two things I learned posing for this painting? 

1. Being vulnerable can be scary, but when you open yourself up and allow yourself to show someone who you truly are, including all your imperfections, it liberates you!

There is so much freedom in vulnerability. 

In this painting my hands are over my belly because I have a scar that runs across half of my stomach. I didn't really want it in the painting. I talked to the artist, Laura Scott Steiger, and she suggested this pose. Problem solved. No shame. And I didn't have to show everyone my scar. 

Being vulnerable doesn't mean we have to 'show and tell' everything to everyone. It means we have select people we trust, who have shown they are safe and won't judge or criticize us, then we decide how much we feel like sharing with others and the world at large.  

2. Sexuality and sensuality can be a gateway to a spiritual awakening. Our lives are not compartmentalized. Our work isn't separate from our relationships or our bodies and how we care for them, our sexuality or our spirituality. 

We tend to think of those things as being separate, we might have a problem with one and not with another. That can be true. 

Here's what's also true, when we evolve ourselves and grow in one area of life, it improves all the others. 

Our sexuality and sensuality often get left off the list of "important" things in our lives that deserve our care and attention. My experience is that they are incredibly powerful in creating transformation in our lives. 

Posing for this painting gave me so much confidence and feeling of personal power as a woman. I've carry that into everything I do. 

That's why I'm so excited that Rupa Kapoor of Women Redefined, is going to be my co-host on Cocktails and Coaching tomorrow night. We will gather in my private Facebook Group at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern. 

Rupa has a gift for helping women feel safe and free to express their vulnerability and the truth of who they are. "I love helping women show up and be seen through a fun and unique photography experience! I allow women to truly own who they are without the labels and be seen, feel empowered and beautiful in ways they never imagined." 

I can't wait for you to spend time with Rupa and hear more about her story on Wednesday. 

As always, we welcome your questions for us to answer during Cocktails and Coaching. You can submit your question here. 

Grab a cocktail or other beverage of choice and join me and Rupa for a juicy and lively conversation tomorrow! 

On the Road to Enlightenment... I'll Take a Martini!

The road to enlightenment isn’t for the faint of heart. 

And, we’re all on the road. Unless we’ve decided to never grow. Never learn. Never change. 

You may not think about yourself as being on the road to enlightenment, but I bet you want to grow. You don’t want to be exactly the same next year, as you are today. So.. You’re on the road.

Me, I’m going to take a martini with me! As 100% committed to enlightenment as I am, I love pleasure. I love being irreverent. I love saying “Fuck!” as a fun exclamation point! I love having sex, drinking wine, having a glass of Champagne and having a martini (although, in truth, I’ll more likely have a cosmopolitan, which isn’t exactly a martini, but it’s close!)

I don’t think all that is counter to enlightenment, it’s just now how we typically imagine enlightenment. We typically imagine it as quiet, proper, probably a vegetarian and celibate or at least not openly enthusiastic about steak and sex, like I am!  

I’m here to break the mold of what it looks like to pursue enlightenment. All of us, in every shape, style and personality type is pursuing enlightenment in our own way. 

I started Cocktails and Coachingbecause of this seeming dichotomy. Accessing our inner wisdom, seeking truth, seeking to know ourselves and the Divine on a deeper level and… having a cocktail in the process! 

Join me Wednesday, August 14that 5 pm Pacific/8 Eastern, and my super-unconventional co-host, Kai Shanti. Kai has many amazing gifts and a colorful background (think, “married to a rock-star’ colorful.) Kai has an amazing YouTube channelyou can go to and hear her amazing wisdom. She channels higher consciousness and she shares my passion for discussing sex, sexuality and personal power within our sexuality. It’s going to be a powerful gathering! 

Ask your question, on any topic, right here. We gather in my private Facebook Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation. If you aren’t a member, click here to join.

See you Wednesday as we pursue our enlightenment along with a glass of wine, martini, Kombucha, tea or whatever suits your beautiful, authentic self! 

The Two Taboo Topics that I'm Talking About!

Money and Sex!

They are unavoidable in life. And...

  • No one teaches you how to be good at them.

  • Everyone expects to be good at them.

  • It's not socially acceptable to admit you have a problem or discuss challenges you are having with either of them.

  • There is a lot of shame around "mistakes" in both topics.

  • They are the two most likely issues to cause couples to divorce.


And, I'm sick of it!

Let's talk about them.

I've got two excellent places for you to do it.

1. Cocktails and Coaching on Wednesday night at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern. I'd love to hear your questions about money and sex! There's a simple form you can fill out to submit your question. You don't have to include your name, so you keep your anonymity if you want. But, let's get a conversation going! Click here to submit a question.

2. Join my private Facebook Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation. You can do that here. I'd love to see a post from a member asking a question about money or sex.

Here's what you'll get from me. No judgement! Never. And, honest answers, including, "I'm not sure. I've struggled with that too." In which case I'll start asking my network of really smart, cool coaches and see who can help us both.

Let me lay a truth on you. This is a capital T truth. I don't pretend to know what I don't know or coach something I can't do! I'm not the classic, "teach what you can't do" sort of coach.

I'm a total, "Live it to give it" coach!

I've had my share of money and sex challenges and traumas. I'm not perfect at either of them. No one is.

I have worked on my challenges and learned some killer tools that make me an amazing guide though. Someone to open doors and light the way for you to tap your unique inner wisdom and your unique path to freedom in finances and in your sex life!

And as a bit of a "teaser" I'll share that I am collaborating with three other badass people to bring you some amazing resources in the area of sex and sexuality. More to come of that in the next couple of months, but you're going to love it!

So.... join us for Cocktails and Coaching on Wednesday, join the FB Group and feel free to hit, "reply" and send me an email.

Can three hours change your life?

Three hours really can change your life!

Three hours. Radical change. Do you want it?

Stop for a moment and think about one thing, that if you experienced radical change in that area, would significantly improve your life. What is yours?

Is it:

  • Your business

  • Your job

  • A relationship

  • Your sex life - of lack of it

  • Your body

  • Your finances

  • Issues with your kids

  • An project you can't seem to start - or finish

Take the three hour test.

What if you devoted three hours of your time, not even three in a row? Three hours, over one or two months, and you experienced radical change, would it be worth it to you?

And what if that cost you $1,000, would you do it? Three hours. $1,000. Radical change.

If your answer is no, then I recommend you stop telling yourself that the issue is important. If the change you want isn't worth three hours of your time and a little bit of money (go back to your bank statement and look at everything you spend money on that isn't food, gas, and bills. You'll find a lot more than $1,000 that you could divert, for a month or two, to your radical change.)

If your answer is yes...

You passed the three hour test and you're in the right place.

Now, I'm going to invite you to create radical change in three hours. How will you do it? It's simple.

You show up for three, one hour, one-on-one sessions with me.

My clients experience radical change all the time. In three sessions they transform their businesses, their lives, their finances, their relationships, their sex life, whatever the issue is that they bring to the coaching session, my clients experiences change. It's freakishly effective!

Sound too good to be true?

Let me share a few stories from some of my current clients.

- One client was working towards self-confidence in her business. As an entrepreneur, you know that your level of confidence effects every aspect of your business. By the time we finished our session she had several significant insights that increased her self-confidence.

- One client, in her 70's, was wanting to turn up the heat in her sex life with her husband. I love coaching women into transformation in their sex lives. Most of us have tons of baggage, if not trauma, that impacts our sex lives, significantly. Coaching this client to feel and find the power of her sexual energy, was a joy for me and her. I'm sure her hubby was pretty happy too!

- A couple other clients are wanting to start a business or grow their business. They needed practical advice for financing, planning, strategy and marketing for their business. But, that's never everything an entrepreneur needs. Mindset is where it all starts or stops. You can have the best strategy in the world, but if your mindset is negative, you feel unworthy, you lack confidence, you don't think you're smart enough or went to the 'right' school or have a college degree, your mindset will silently sabotage every strategy you put into place. I worked with these clients to free their limiting mindset and get some great strategies in place.

Are you willing to devote three hours to your own radical change?

The cool thing is that when you're ready, change is ready. It's been waiting for you.

Here's all you need to do. 

  1. Book a 15 minute call with me. In 15 minutes you and I will both know if we are a good match and if I can help you with your specific issue. If I can't help you, I'll do my best to refer you to someone who can. Use this link to book the call. It's free and there's no obligation. This is where your radical change begins.

  2. Plan on spending three hours, that's one session, for one hour, over the next four to eight weeks. We'll have our sessions by phone so you don't need to travel or do anything other than be available and present during our call. You'll also want to bring an attitude of change with you. Be open and willing to radically change.

  3. You won't need to spend $1,000 for this radical change. You'll invest $495 for three sessions. Radical change is worth thousands of dollars, practically, emotionally and energetically. An investment of $495 makes it an easy, yes.

I can't wait to talk to you on our 15 minute call. There is nothing that thrills me more than coaching a person to their personal radical change!

I believe we all deserve pleasure

I didn’t experience much physical pleasure in my 20’s and early 30’s.

I had been sexually abused as a kid and couldn’t figure out how to enjoy sex in my marriage or with myself. I was seriously cut-off from my body and from physical pleasure.

Changing that was one of the biggest changes I’ve made in my life. I literally liberated myself to a new perspective on sex and sensuality. I got a lot of help from a therapist and tons of self-help books, but it worked. I awakened the sexual energy that had been squashed down into nothingness.

If I can do it, you can. <3

I created a YouTube playlist for this very purpose.

Qs for the Sex Queen is a safe place where you can ask questions and hear the answer to yours and other’s questions. I’ve just released the first episode and I’m really excited about the questions that were submitted and look forward to feedback and more questions for the next episode.

If you want to ask a question, use my confidential, anonymous form at www.brendaflorida.com/questions-queen

Watch the first episode below:

Stop Apologizing for your Body!

We do it all the time.   

  • I’m sorry. I bumped into you. 

  • I’m sorry, can you get me a bigger size?

  • I’m sorry my stomach sticks out.

  • I’m sorry my breasts are too big…. or small.

  • I’m sorry. I’m not in the mood to have sex.

  • I’m sorry. I love having sex.

  • I’m sorry. I love dressing and acting sexy.

  • I’m sorry I took the seat you wanted.

  • I’m sorry my size and shape don’t fit your idea of pretty. 

  • I’m sorry NOTHING in your clothing store fits me.

What could you do with all the mental and physical energy you spend on apologizing?

I’ll tell you what you could do.

You could rule your world!

You deserve to rule your world! You're going to be awesome at it!

I’m looking for five women who are ready to stop apologizing for their body!

I created a 30-day program designed to give you the tools you need to move from, “I’m sorry” to, “this is me!”

You can radically change your how you see your body, your self-care and how you see yourself sexually! 

Check it out here.

If you have any questions, email me and lay it on me.

Let’s do this!

Let’s stop the fucking apologies!

Your body is not an apology

Regardless

  • of size. 
  • of the color of your skin.
  • of your height. 
  • of the color of your hair. 
  • of your sexual orientation.
  • of your gender identity (if you even want to have one.)
  • of whether someone has abused that beautiful body. 

You are beautiful.

You are lavish. 

You are a unique expression of the Divine. 

I recently read the fabulous book, The Body is Not an Apology, by Sonja Renee Tayler.  I highly recommend it. She's a serious badass and she's serious about radical self-love. 

Tonight, I have over 100 women who have registered to join me for the Masterclass, Be the Sex Queen of Your Life. 

I'm serious about empowering women sexually. 

When we feel empowered sexually, regardless of all the things listed above, regardless of being single or in a relationship, we experience radical transformation. It improves our health. Reduces stress. Makes us more productive and creative. 

Seriously, aren't the benefits worth it? Our sex lives often get set to the side as 'not that important.'  

I'm here to tell you, your health, creativity, productivity and stress levels are worthy of your attention. 

Join me tonight for Masterclass, Be the Sex Queen of your Life at 7 pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific. Register to get the link to join us and the workbook. 

If you are interested in exploring what it would be like to work with me one-on-one about your sex life, let's schedule a 10 minute call to see if, and how, I can help you. I'll be honest, I've lived the spectrum from being sexually abused as a child, never having an orgasm in my marriage, being shut down sexually, shut-off from my body and thinking I was frigid; to learning how to connect to, and love my body, and how to love sex! I can relate to where you are in your journey. I'd love to work together! You can email me at Brenda@BrendaFlorida.com. Just put 10 min call in the subject line. I'll know what you mean. :) You deserve to be the Sex Queen of your life! 

 

How an ass selfie changed my life

Have you ever taken an ass selfie? It’s not easy. Thankfully, I had a teacher. The incomparable and unapologetically authentic Lux Atl (pole dancer, PhD, feminist) has one on YouTube. You can check it out here. Don’t try an ass selfie without it!

One weekend last winter I had my girlfriends over, for what we call, Goddess Weekend, and I suggested we try to do ass selfies. It was great fun. Trust me, even with the tutorial, it takes some effort!

That photo has been sitting in my phone for six months.

Why does any of this matter? 

I was sexually abused as a little girl. I’ve had a very difficult history with my body. I’ve hated it, cut myself off from it, scorned it, criticized it and even been ashamed of it.

It’s quite liberating to go from body-shame and disconnect, to loving and appreciating my body enough to take a photo of my backside.

But that wasn’t enough. (I’m me after all.)

Recently, in my private FB Group, Live Lavishly: Turning up Your Power From the Boardroom To the Bedroom, (if you are a woman and are interested in joining us, click here, answer the two questions, and we’ll get you approved to join) I posted that ass selfie. Two actually.

Most of the women were supportive, inspired even, that I was comfortable enough with my body to do it. For what it’s worth, I have on underwear in the selfie, so it’s really no different than if you saw my backside at the pool in a two-piece bathing suit. Not exactly pornography. Not particularly daring, really. Maybe a little sexy.

A few women did not like it at all! They left the group because of it. I’m fine with that. I don’t need anyone to approve of my ass selfie. And if all of this bothers you and you want to unsubscribe or unfriend me on FB, please do so. It’s okay. Here’s why…

I want to be the author of my life. I want to be unapologetically authentic. Might I offend someone? Yes. Might I inspire someone? Yes. As far as my body goes, is it perfect? No. Do I look like a Victoria’s Secret model? Definitely not. Is my body beautiful? Yes. And that’s not just my opinion.

Here’s what happened last week.

I got tagged in a FB post for an open casting call for models to appear in a soon-to-be-published book called BARE. The author, Susan Hyatt, has been my coach, teacher, mentor and source of inspiration. I also have a girl-crush on the photographer for this photo shoot, Chelsea Sanders of Blueline. I figured, what the hell, I’ve posted an ass selfie in my FB Group, why not apply for this casting call. I had to submit five photos, at least one had to be in a bra and panties, because that’s what we’ll wear in the photo shoot. I applied.

I was chosen! I am one of 11 women selected to be featured in the book, BARE. I’ll be driving 11 hours to get to Indiana on Wednesday, then be “on set” from 9 – 5 Thursday, then drive 11 hours home on Friday. I can’t wait!

My life has changed.

When we love our bodies, take pleasure in our bodies, express ourselves through our bodies, in ways that feel good to us, when we write our own life story, when we chose to live unapologetically authentically, we are changed.

You don’t have to take an ass selfie. You do you. That’s the point. I have no interest in everyone being like me. I posted an ass selfie to inspire the women in my group to love their body. To not be afraid of their body. To not be ashamed of their body. That’s what felt right for me.

What will you do today to be unapologetically authentic?

Brenda

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, email me and we’ll schedule a quick, 10-minute call to see if working together is going to be transformational and magical for you. 🙂