Authenticity

Exclusive Advice from a Painting

Who knew posing for this pinup painting would teach me so much?! 

When you lay around in your underwear for a painter, even a female one, it's transformative. 

What were the two things I learned posing for this painting? 

1. Being vulnerable can be scary, but when you open yourself up and allow yourself to show someone who you truly are, including all your imperfections, it liberates you!

There is so much freedom in vulnerability. 

In this painting my hands are over my belly because I have a scar that runs across half of my stomach. I didn't really want it in the painting. I talked to the artist, Laura Scott Steiger, and she suggested this pose. Problem solved. No shame. And I didn't have to show everyone my scar. 

Being vulnerable doesn't mean we have to 'show and tell' everything to everyone. It means we have select people we trust, who have shown they are safe and won't judge or criticize us, then we decide how much we feel like sharing with others and the world at large.  

2. Sexuality and sensuality can be a gateway to a spiritual awakening. Our lives are not compartmentalized. Our work isn't separate from our relationships or our bodies and how we care for them, our sexuality or our spirituality. 

We tend to think of those things as being separate, we might have a problem with one and not with another. That can be true. 

Here's what's also true, when we evolve ourselves and grow in one area of life, it improves all the others. 

Our sexuality and sensuality often get left off the list of "important" things in our lives that deserve our care and attention. My experience is that they are incredibly powerful in creating transformation in our lives. 

Posing for this painting gave me so much confidence and feeling of personal power as a woman. I've carry that into everything I do. 

That's why I'm so excited that Rupa Kapoor of Women Redefined, is going to be my co-host on Cocktails and Coaching tomorrow night. We will gather in my private Facebook Group at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern. 

Rupa has a gift for helping women feel safe and free to express their vulnerability and the truth of who they are. "I love helping women show up and be seen through a fun and unique photography experience! I allow women to truly own who they are without the labels and be seen, feel empowered and beautiful in ways they never imagined." 

I can't wait for you to spend time with Rupa and hear more about her story on Wednesday. 

As always, we welcome your questions for us to answer during Cocktails and Coaching. You can submit your question here. 

Grab a cocktail or other beverage of choice and join me and Rupa for a juicy and lively conversation tomorrow! 

On the Road to Enlightenment... I'll Take a Martini!

The road to enlightenment isn’t for the faint of heart. 

And, we’re all on the road. Unless we’ve decided to never grow. Never learn. Never change. 

You may not think about yourself as being on the road to enlightenment, but I bet you want to grow. You don’t want to be exactly the same next year, as you are today. So.. You’re on the road.

Me, I’m going to take a martini with me! As 100% committed to enlightenment as I am, I love pleasure. I love being irreverent. I love saying “Fuck!” as a fun exclamation point! I love having sex, drinking wine, having a glass of Champagne and having a martini (although, in truth, I’ll more likely have a cosmopolitan, which isn’t exactly a martini, but it’s close!)

I don’t think all that is counter to enlightenment, it’s just now how we typically imagine enlightenment. We typically imagine it as quiet, proper, probably a vegetarian and celibate or at least not openly enthusiastic about steak and sex, like I am!  

I’m here to break the mold of what it looks like to pursue enlightenment. All of us, in every shape, style and personality type is pursuing enlightenment in our own way. 

I started Cocktails and Coachingbecause of this seeming dichotomy. Accessing our inner wisdom, seeking truth, seeking to know ourselves and the Divine on a deeper level and… having a cocktail in the process! 

Join me Wednesday, August 14that 5 pm Pacific/8 Eastern, and my super-unconventional co-host, Kai Shanti. Kai has many amazing gifts and a colorful background (think, “married to a rock-star’ colorful.) Kai has an amazing YouTube channelyou can go to and hear her amazing wisdom. She channels higher consciousness and she shares my passion for discussing sex, sexuality and personal power within our sexuality. It’s going to be a powerful gathering! 

Ask your question, on any topic, right here. We gather in my private Facebook Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation. If you aren’t a member, click here to join.

See you Wednesday as we pursue our enlightenment along with a glass of wine, martini, Kombucha, tea or whatever suits your beautiful, authentic self! 

Why I had to remove my Mom from my email list!

Here’s the truth.

I have a lot to say about how to live a life that is unapologetically authentic (including that it means that life is not perfect!)

I’m all about taking risks.

I will put my life on the line to be truthful to myself and what I feel guided to do in my life.

And… that doesn’t mean I don’t look back and ask, “What the fuck was I thinking! I was totally operating out of fear and my ego!”

But… I don’t live with regrets. I go for it and clean up the messes I make as I go!

Here’s the problem.

I realized recently, that when it comes to what I say publicly and on social media, at times, I’m super truthful and even provocative. Yay! It always feels good because it is unapologetically authentic.

But sometimes I hold back.

Sometimes I “tone it down.” Yuk!

I’ve been told most of my life that I am “too much.” I want too much. I talk too loud. I laugh too loud. I say too much about my life. I talk about sex too much.

What quickly follows, “too much,” is “who do you think you are?”

How many times have we been asked that from others? Or, honestly, it’s often a self-inflicted question.

Who do you think you are?

I really, really want you to take some time, in a beautiful and peaceful place, and answer that question. It will change your life. Leave all your judgment behind. Leave all your ideas about what others will say or who they want you to be, or who you think they think they want you to be! (Yes, you read that right. Most of these things are things we think others are thinking.)

Recently, I came to terms with my need to stop “toning it down.”.

And then I took my mom off my email list.

Because, frankly, she doesn’t need to know everything I think and say, and I am committed to being truthful. If she does hear about it, I’ll deal with that.

If I trip and fall and start toning it down, I’ll stop it and go back to the truth, even if it upsets someone! Even my mom.

Because I can answer that question, “who do you think you are?”. I am bold. I am loud. I want more. I want a big, big life in every way. I want to help my clients transform their lives. I want everyone to have the great sex they deserve. I want everyone to work in the careers or businesses that thrill them. I want everyone to have a partner, spouse, lover that is their equal. That honors them, loves them, cheers them on, and nurtures them. Or, be single and love it! I want everyone to heal themselves, because then the world will be healed.

On Thursday I’ll be introducing the most provocative, exciting video series I’ve ever done, and in August, I’ll have a program with the same theme. The videos and the program will transform the way you think about your life!

That’s a BIG STATEMENT! But I can handle it. I’m BIG. I want more for me and you!

The square peg - round hole trap

I am a master at this!

And, I fucking hate it!

I get an idea. It’s usually when I’m stressed. I know… that should be my first sign…

And I think, “Sure. I can do that. I can make that work.”

You see I pride myself on being a survivor. One of those women who can “figure it out,” no matter what challenge comes up.

And I do. And, sometimes it’s been amazing.

And sometimes I’m just shoving my fucking square peg into a round hole, smiling and pretending all the while that I can really do this. If I just hang in there a little longer. If I try a little harder.

Then I wake up one day (that’s what it’s like for me. A sudden flash of total clarity.) and I’m like, “fuck! I know what’s wrong! I’m shoving my square peg into a round hole and I hate the way that feels!”

Then, I get myself out of whatever I’ve gotten myself into.

It might be a romantic relationship, or even a marriage. It might be a job, a place I live or something I volunteer for.

Here’s what I know for sure, no matter what the price, getting my square peg out of a round hole ALWAYS makes my life better. It’s a personal win.

And magically, a door open, usually almost immediately, that gives me an opportunity to use my energy and talents in a way that is right for me. A square peg in a square hole, so-to-speak.

Can you relate? What are you doing in your life, right now, that feels like a square peg in a round hole. I’d love to hear about it. We all do it.

The trick is, getting ourselves out of it and noticing faster when we do it the next time. That’s called unapologetic evolution. I will never apologize for stepping into the next best version of myself! And neither should you!

Obsessed with Rocketman!

Have you seen it?

It’s a biopic of Elton John’s music and life.

It’s a beautiful portrayal of his struggle to become his authentic self.

Unapologetically authentic. Two of my favorite words.

It took a lot of drugs at first.

Then in his quest for sobriety, he heals his heart and soul from the wounds of his childhood.

Sound familiar?
It’s what we all do.

We all get wounded, no matter how awesome our parents are, or tried to be. It’s not about assigning blame.

It’s about liberating your soul!

My favorite line in the movie comes from another musician who says, “you have to kill who you were born to be, to become who you were meant to be.”

We are all subject to cultural and parental conditioning. For some of us, add to that religious conditioning.

Conditioning is what tells us who we are supposed to be and NOT supposed to be.

Conditioning is NOT who we were meant to be.

It can be a long journey to liberate yourself from all that conditioning into the (sober) freedom we see Elton John living at the end of the movie. It’s not an easy road. We need help.

That’s why I love being a life coach. In one way or another, that’s what I do. I help client’s liberate themselves to their unapologetic, authentic self. It’s a wild and beautiful trip! There are twists and turns, ups and downs, but the liberation! The freedom! It’s worth every moment of the journey.

If you want to explore your unapologetic self, breaking free from who you were conditioned to be and becoming who you were meant to be… I’ve got a special deal. Two, one-on-one coaching session for only $200! That’s over 50% off my normal rate, so it’s time to act.

If you’ve worked with me before, just email me, brenda@brendaflorida.com and let me know you want the two sessions. I’ll invoice you by Friday, June 7, and you can book your sessions.

If you haven’t worked with me, just book a 15-min Discovery Call before Friday, June 7th so we can be sure we’ll be good working together. Book that call here. Then I’ll invoice you and you can book your appointments.

You deserve to be who you were meant to be!

Be the Rocketman of your life!

xoxo,

Brenda

Have you ever gone speechless?

And I don’t mean in a good way.

Speechless.

When you know you need to say something.

To stand up for yourself.

To stand up for someone else.

To stop a racist comment or bully.

To ask for what you want or need.

It’s happened to me. I imagine it happens to everyone.

And it’s so painful.

We wish we could have a “do-over”

We feel diminished. Flat.

One of the joys of my life is helping men and women find their voice. To speak up.

I’m sure you have areas in your life where you do speak up. You do ask for what you need.

And then there are parts of life where you don’t.

Maybe it’s your relationship. Or job. Of it’s this one particular friend, or volunteer group you work with.

You can’t seem to say, “no.”

You can’t seem to find the words or the right time to say what you really, really want to say!

That’s where a I come in.

I work with clients all the time to find their truth, power and purpose in life. (Sometimes that’s the easy part.)

Then I help them speak up.

Speak up for what they need and want.

Speak up for what is acceptable and what it not.

Speak from their authentic self with clarity, confidence and most importantly, without guilt!

It may seem impossible, but it’s not. Trust me.

We all go speechless at times. It doesn’t need to define you or your life.

You can speak up.

I’ve got a super-summer-speak-up deal for you!

Two, one-on-one coaching sessions with me for only $200! That’s a big discount and I’m good with that.

Some people aren’t sure a life coach can really help them. I can help you. And I’m dropping the bar to the resistance so you can experience it.

All you do is book your 15-minute Discovery Call here, before June 7th, and if we decide to work together, I’ll invoice you for your two sessions. Then you book them. BAM! That’s it. Super easy.

Let’s agree right now, not to go speechless again.

Grab a Cocktail and Let's Get REAL Together!

I love to eat and drink with people.

There’s something about gathering around a good drink and some great food that allows for a certain intimacy and openness that isn’t always easy to find.

That’s why I always have my favorite hangouts in any city I visit often or live in.

Because I’m currently living a “location independent” lifestyle, I decided to create such a space myself!

In a perfect world, I’d make your drink for you, even fix some great appetizers or dinner, but alas…that also creates a lot of logistic limitations.  

I’m creating Cocktails and Coaching as a virtual answer to my logistic limitations!

While I can’t make your drink, I’ll count on your for that, I can create an open, safe and fun environment where we can hang out, have a few laughs and open up to the things that puzzle us, bother us, that we’re stuck on, pissed off by, surprised by and delighted by!

Nothing is off-limits in Cocktails and Coaching. You bring it. We’ll talk about it. I’ll give coaching tips and tricks, life-hacks and other bits of wisdom. (The more you drink the wiser I get!)

I’m also inviting a cool co-host each week. I’m stoked about that!

Our first Cocktails and Coaching will be on Wednesday, May 15, 5:00 pm Pacific, 8 pm Eastern.

We’ll gather in my private Facebook Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation. If you aren’t a member, use this link to join.

This is an “all guys, all gals” welcome sort of party! The FB Group is now open to men and women. I love coaching men and have always felt it unnatural to exclude them so... welcome guys!

To submit a question or topic you want us to discuss and coach around, just fill out the form on my website at www.BrendaFlorida.com/Cocktails-Coaching

My first co-host is the intuitive, gorgeous and incomparable, Jess Bubbico! Jess has a weekly radio show, Method Meets Magic and she is a genius, intuitive coach. You can find out more about Jess and her free Facebook Challenge here.

Let’s do it! Invite your friends. Submit your questions and topics. Grab your cocktail and join me, every Wednesday at 5 Pacific/8 Eastern in the Facebook Group, for Cocktails and Coaching!

I can't wait to see you at the first gathering of Cocktails and Coaching in the private FB Group, Live Lavishly, on Wednesday, May 13, 5 pm Pacific, 8 pm Eastern! 

I can’t…

What do you tell yourself you can’t do?

You can’t:

  • Lose weight

  • Get into shape

  • Surf (that was mine, more about that later)

  • Handle money responsibly

  • Get a better job

  • Start a business

  • Ask for a raise

  • Tell your spouse to stop doing what you don’t like

  • Ask for what you want in bed

  • Set a boundary with a friend

  • Stop taking care of others, even when you’re drained because they need you

  • Afford to take a vacation

I don’t care what it is. We tell ourselves all the time, that we can’t.

I’m sick of it!

I hate to rant… sort of, but this one kills me.

Either we can do it, or we don’t want to.

Because if we really want to, we’ll find a way. Otherwise, let’s be honest and say, “I don’t want to.”

It’s okay not to want to. You can, not-want-to put in the effort to get a better job, ask for a raise or start a business. Or, maybe you don’t really want to lose weight, get into shape or surf. While we live in a culture that values money, prestige, being thin and physically fit, you can buck the system and say, nope. That isn’t me. I don’t want to.

Cool. I can get behind that!

Here’s what I can’t get behind.

You have a thought that tells you, you aren’t good enough to do one of those things you want to do. Or a thought that tells you that you’re too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too out of shape, that your husband won’t listen, or your friend won’t respect your boundary, or you haven’t made enough money to go on vacation!

Those are the thoughts I cannot abide.

Those thoughts are not true.

I’ve told myself for the last couple of years that I can’t learn to surf. I’m too old, too out of shape, it’s too late for me. Then I met Alex. She’s a genius when it comes to the body and what’s possible. I told her I really wanted to surf, but couldn’t, because I was too old and out of shape and she said, “that’s not true! I can help you get into shape to surf. I’ll show you what to do and you do it. In six weeks, you’ll have confidence in your ability to surf.” *Note, that doesn’t mean I’ll be ready to surf, but I’ll know I can get there. Alex is honest as well as motivating!

I’m not saying I can’t surf anymore.  I am saying that I can get into shape so that I can.

As far as losing weight goes, that’s clear, I don’t want to.

It’s incredibly liberating to be honest with ourselves.

What do you need to be honest with yourself about?

If you really don’t want to do it, even if it’s not popular, just be honest and say, you don’t want to. You’ll feel how freaking liberating that is!

If you want to do something and you don’t know how to get there, like me with surfing, then stop saying you can’t, and find someone who can help you! That’s why we need fitness trainers, coaches and all other types of teachers and mentors. They help us get where we want to be when can’t seem to get ourselves there.

Just do it, as Nike says. Hire the coach, hire the fitness trainer, book the vacation, lose the weight, whatever it is that you want…you CAN do it!

I’d love to chat with you about whether or not I can help you in the coaching department. It’s super easy, schedule a 10-minute call with this link, and we’ll figure it out. Easy, peasy.

xoxo,
Brenda

Calling all Women Entrepreneurs!

I love women entrepreneurs!

Here’s what I want for all of us… 

Let’s be the Queen of our business.

A Queen is bold.

She’s brave.

She’s thoughtful in her endeavors.

She leads her Queendom with clarity and confidence.  

She makes decisions and trusts her judgement.

She gets advice when needed. After considering the advice, she stands in her truth and power, whether others agree or disagree, knowing that she must be true to her own inner wisdom.  

She enjoys her position, her wealth and her influence in the Queendom, without guilt or shame.

She knows she is worthy. Capable. Competent.

Is it easy? No.

Does she always know she is right? No.

Does she ever experience doubt? Of course she does. She is human and she accepts that truth as well.

She makes mistakes and forgives herself.

As the Queen she also knows she knows she has been chosen for this life. To lead. To serve.

She showers herself with love and care. She allows herself pleasure. She knows when she is happy and healthy she serves her Queendom from the highest expression of herself.

Whether she has a man beside her as king, or in her bedroom as a lover, she takes charge of her own sexual pleasure. She knows what her body wants. She can express those desires to her lover and she takes responsibility for her sexual needs and desires, alone or with her lover.

She keeps her heart and mind focused on what she wants for herself and for her Queendom, moving through her day with dignity, power and grace. Offering gratitude for everything.

She does not tolerate cruelty. She knows when to say no. And doesn’t allow others to use her power for their benefit. She knows that not everyone around her has pure intentions. She stands firm in her boundaries, never diminishing her wants, desires or values, goals. She speaks with clarity and confidence.

She never apologizes for her position, her beauty, power or her decisions.

She knows she is a work in progress and that every challenge is a lesson that causes her to become a better version of the Queen she already is.

Will you stand with me and be the Queen of your business and life?  

Join me for my upcoming Masterclass, Be the Queen of your Business, September 27th at 7 pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific. Register here and get your crown ready!

Your body is not an apology

Regardless

  • of size. 
  • of the color of your skin.
  • of your height. 
  • of the color of your hair. 
  • of your sexual orientation.
  • of your gender identity (if you even want to have one.)
  • of whether someone has abused that beautiful body. 

You are beautiful.

You are lavish. 

You are a unique expression of the Divine. 

I recently read the fabulous book, The Body is Not an Apology, by Sonja Renee Tayler.  I highly recommend it. She's a serious badass and she's serious about radical self-love. 

Tonight, I have over 100 women who have registered to join me for the Masterclass, Be the Sex Queen of Your Life. 

I'm serious about empowering women sexually. 

When we feel empowered sexually, regardless of all the things listed above, regardless of being single or in a relationship, we experience radical transformation. It improves our health. Reduces stress. Makes us more productive and creative. 

Seriously, aren't the benefits worth it? Our sex lives often get set to the side as 'not that important.'  

I'm here to tell you, your health, creativity, productivity and stress levels are worthy of your attention. 

Join me tonight for Masterclass, Be the Sex Queen of your Life at 7 pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific. Register to get the link to join us and the workbook. 

If you are interested in exploring what it would be like to work with me one-on-one about your sex life, let's schedule a 10 minute call to see if, and how, I can help you. I'll be honest, I've lived the spectrum from being sexually abused as a child, never having an orgasm in my marriage, being shut down sexually, shut-off from my body and thinking I was frigid; to learning how to connect to, and love my body, and how to love sex! I can relate to where you are in your journey. I'd love to work together! You can email me at Brenda@BrendaFlorida.com. Just put 10 min call in the subject line. I'll know what you mean. :) You deserve to be the Sex Queen of your life! 

 

It's Happening!

I’m in Bloomington, Indiana today! We report to the super-secret photo shoot location at 9:00 a.m. For approximately, eight hours I’ll be hanging out with 10 other delightful women, photographer, Chelsea Sanders, hair and make-up artists, and the crew needed for such a project. All of us models, in our bras and panties, while we get our photos taken. Not a normal Thursday for me.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I wrote about it in Sunday’s blog. Check it out here.

The short version of the story is I applied to an open casting call, for models, to appear in a book called, BARE.

You KNOW I’ll have a lot to say after this beautiful experience! Watch for that!

Follow the adventure on FB with me too! My personal page is here. My private FB Group, for women only, is here.

Sending you love and body positivity!

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, hit reply to this email and we’ll schedule a quick, 10-minute call to see if working together is going to be transformational and magical for you. 🙂

How an ass selfie changed my life

Have you ever taken an ass selfie? It’s not easy. Thankfully, I had a teacher. The incomparable and unapologetically authentic Lux Atl (pole dancer, PhD, feminist) has one on YouTube. You can check it out here. Don’t try an ass selfie without it!

One weekend last winter I had my girlfriends over, for what we call, Goddess Weekend, and I suggested we try to do ass selfies. It was great fun. Trust me, even with the tutorial, it takes some effort!

That photo has been sitting in my phone for six months.

Why does any of this matter? 

I was sexually abused as a little girl. I’ve had a very difficult history with my body. I’ve hated it, cut myself off from it, scorned it, criticized it and even been ashamed of it.

It’s quite liberating to go from body-shame and disconnect, to loving and appreciating my body enough to take a photo of my backside.

But that wasn’t enough. (I’m me after all.)

Recently, in my private FB Group, Live Lavishly: Turning up Your Power From the Boardroom To the Bedroom, (if you are a woman and are interested in joining us, click here, answer the two questions, and we’ll get you approved to join) I posted that ass selfie. Two actually.

Most of the women were supportive, inspired even, that I was comfortable enough with my body to do it. For what it’s worth, I have on underwear in the selfie, so it’s really no different than if you saw my backside at the pool in a two-piece bathing suit. Not exactly pornography. Not particularly daring, really. Maybe a little sexy.

A few women did not like it at all! They left the group because of it. I’m fine with that. I don’t need anyone to approve of my ass selfie. And if all of this bothers you and you want to unsubscribe or unfriend me on FB, please do so. It’s okay. Here’s why…

I want to be the author of my life. I want to be unapologetically authentic. Might I offend someone? Yes. Might I inspire someone? Yes. As far as my body goes, is it perfect? No. Do I look like a Victoria’s Secret model? Definitely not. Is my body beautiful? Yes. And that’s not just my opinion.

Here’s what happened last week.

I got tagged in a FB post for an open casting call for models to appear in a soon-to-be-published book called BARE. The author, Susan Hyatt, has been my coach, teacher, mentor and source of inspiration. I also have a girl-crush on the photographer for this photo shoot, Chelsea Sanders of Blueline. I figured, what the hell, I’ve posted an ass selfie in my FB Group, why not apply for this casting call. I had to submit five photos, at least one had to be in a bra and panties, because that’s what we’ll wear in the photo shoot. I applied.

I was chosen! I am one of 11 women selected to be featured in the book, BARE. I’ll be driving 11 hours to get to Indiana on Wednesday, then be “on set” from 9 – 5 Thursday, then drive 11 hours home on Friday. I can’t wait!

My life has changed.

When we love our bodies, take pleasure in our bodies, express ourselves through our bodies, in ways that feel good to us, when we write our own life story, when we chose to live unapologetically authentically, we are changed.

You don’t have to take an ass selfie. You do you. That’s the point. I have no interest in everyone being like me. I posted an ass selfie to inspire the women in my group to love their body. To not be afraid of their body. To not be ashamed of their body. That’s what felt right for me.

What will you do today to be unapologetically authentic?

Brenda

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, email me and we’ll schedule a quick, 10-minute call to see if working together is going to be transformational and magical for you. 🙂

 

 

What do you want?

It’s not a trick question.

If you took off the limits.

If you had the money.

If you had the time.

If you stopped judging it as impossible.

Do you know what you want?

We often think in terms of what we DON'T want. Enough already!

I want to hear about what you want.

What inspires you? What lights you up?

It doesn't have to make sense. You don't need to know how to do it. 

What would you stay up late, or get up early to do?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get to the end of my life wondering if I lived it to the fullest.  I want to “suck all the marrow out of life.” I don’t want to miss anything.

I want to hear about what you want. The sky's the limit. Shock me. Wow me. Inspire me. Make me think. 

Tell me what you want in the comments below. Just writing it down might spark some magic around making it come true.

Be brave. Tell me.

You're really just too much!

Moving too fast. Doing too much. Wanting too much. Risking too much. Too much.

Guilty as charged!  

Maybe you can relate to this. Since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to do a lot, see a lot, laugh a lot, be too loud, and live an exciting life. As you might guess, that got me in a little bit of trouble from time-to-time when I was young. As an adult, it’s gotten me into lots of trouble! I can’t tell you how many times people have told me, in one way or another, that I am too much. Sometimes they mean it admirably, sometimes, not so much.

I tend to move fast, make changes frequently, and take a lot of risks.

What do I mean? I’ve had two businesses that I sold, and third that I’m in the process of growing. I’ve left dream jobs to follow a different dream. I’ve moved. Holy smokes have I moved. I moved my family (3 teenagers, one in elementary school) from their home in NC to PA. Since then I’ve moved in PA nine times, once I make my next move in a few weeks. I’ve left two marriages and one significant relationship. I put all my belongings in storage and went to San Diego for eight months to recover from a break-up and decide who I wanted to be when I grew up. I was 53. Am I a flake?

A friend once described me as someone who jumps out of an airplane without knowing if I have a parachute, believing I’ve either got one or somehow I’ll find one on my way down. I’ve had friends imply that I leave relationships too quickly. Reminding me that all relationships have their rough patches and I leave before my partner and I can get past that. I know I’ve given my mother, my friends, and maybe my adult children, a few sleepless nights with this adventurous life I’ve led.

What would I change?

Nothing. Not one damn thing. Was some of it painful? Sure. Was some of it scary? Hell yes.

But here’s the interesting thing I recently realized.

Even with the wisdom of hindsight, there’s not one relationship I wish I had stayed in longer.

There’s not one job I wish I hadn’t left.

There’s not one risk I wish I hadn’t taken.

No regrets.

I love how fast I move

I love that I take risks. I love that I leave when I know in my gut that the job or the business or the relationship isn’t working. I don’t waste time on things that don’t work.

I know it’s not the life that everyone wants, that’s okay too. But it’s the life I want.

A very good friend said recently, “you won’t stop until there’s a tombstone over you.” He was right. The older I get, the more I challenge my pre-conceived ideas of what’s possible after 50. After 60. After 70…I don’t want to stop. Slow down. Quit risking. Quit loving. Quit growing.

Can you relate?

What do you like, or how do you live in ways that are outside of the ordinary? Ways that might invite criticism or disbelief from others? I’d love to hear how you might be considered "too much."

I hope you’ll continue with me in the journey of being too much! I don’t plan on stopping and I hope you won’t either!

What to do when you don’t feel brave enough

Life if full of opportunities to step up. 

To say “yes.” Or maybe it’s “no,” that takes more courage.

It takes courage to be authentic.

To speak our truth.

To open a business, write a blog, or ask for a raise.

I remember when I went to work after being a stay-at-home mother for 10 years. That was terrifying! I had very little confidence. I felt like an imposter every day.

How can we prepare for such things?

Sometimes we can anticipate that we’re going to get an invitation to be brave. Other times, it’s unexpected.  

I suggest you practice. What do I mean? Practice being brave?

Yes. So often we try to avoid anything that feels risky. We avoid doing something we may fail at.

Big mistake! Bravery can be practiced. It’s a skill you can build by doing it. By doing it often.

Start small. Ask for a free coffee at your favorite coffee shop. Will they tell you no? Probably. There. You just survived a rejection, a disappointment. You might have been embarrassed or felt foolish. Other people in line heard you make a ridiculous request. Let the embarrassment roll by. Smile. Hold your head high. Say “thank you” to the barista. You’re in your own training regime. That’s all that matters.

When you leave you’ll feel the feeling of being brave enough to do it. And what if… What if the barista says “sure.” You’ll be giving yourself high-fives for being so brave!

If this seems ridiculous. I’ll give you the method to my madness. You see, it doesn’t really matter whether the barista says yes, or no. For you, it’s about the practice of asking for something that you wouldn’t normally ask for. That’s part of what being brave is. Doing something you wouldn’t normally do. It doesn’t have to be jumping out of a plane.

Here’s the other reason it will strengthen your bravery muscle: you’re not attached to the outcome. I mean, really, it doesn’t matter if they say yes or no. The point is being brave enough to ask. Being detached from the outcome is a freedom all it’s own.

The real magic?

When we practice being brave in situations that don’t matter, that aren’t important, we are much more likely to be brave when it is important! How can I expect myself to be brave in speaking my truth to my lover, spouse or boss, when I can’t be brave with a barista about something that isn’t even that important? With a little practice you will be able to tap into that practiced bravery when it matters.  

 

Own your brilliance

What does it mean to own your brilliance?

This is one of my favorite topics in the world right now.

For years, I’ve been telling my closest friends, “I need to own my brilliance.” What did I mean by that?

It’s about knowing who you are. What your unique gifts are. Your unique expression in the world.

It begins with knowing that it’s you. You’re the one.

Then you expand it. You do the thing you were meant to do. Say the things you were meant to say. Dream the dreams you were meant to dream. And you own it!

I didn’t truly “get this” until I went to Paris this summer. If you want to read about that liberating and transformative experience, I wrote all about it with Confessions of a traveler,  A Living Obituary and Your own Paris Transformation.

Today, we’ll talk about how you can own your brilliance. Check it out and do it! Own it! The world needs you.

And don’t forget to download your FREE copy of the Own Your Brilliance guided meditation. It’s a great tool to support you on your path to owning your brilliance.